Day 004-All astray

All ash trays - ashes to ashes - dust to dust - Am I?
I was a serious believer in a 'god almighty' and within that I loved to debate about god and his creation with people. On Facebook I keep running into believers and sometimes I find myself in a conversation with a religious person although I urge myself to avoid those. Religious people tend to monolog and advertise religion instead of debating and reasoning about what they actually state as the truth so help them god. What's fascinating and stands out for me when speaking with most religious people is how they answer straight questions. Or should I say 'do not'. Yesterday I responded to a few religious one-liners someone placed online and this whole thing opened up. I reacted because the words 'lost souls' where used which are demons from a christian perspective as they where from my perspective. This is what was placed:

If you can save even one lost soul
Your name is on his attendance roll
If you can truly learn to be his guide
His mercy will flow from his wounded side
If you maintain to be a peace maker
He will forever be your caretaker
If you remain in his love of all things above
His spirit will surely come and rest upon you like a dove

My response was:
How do I dentify a soul and within that a lost one? How can I save that which is all ready lost? How can I make peace if peace cannot exist because we exist in separation? Why do people avoid the tough questions that would require oneself to rethink and change believes?

[S]
You are toughly prejudiced...have to change to be convinced...you need an identification...of God's justification...then you will never exist in separation...I cannot change my belief...which turns my distress into relief...it is purely a matter of choice...things will change when you get to hear his voice ...for the lord forces himself on none...his loving kindness draws towards him his people one by one...!!!

[me]
If you cannot change a believe you are stuck in your mind and highly manipulatable. That's the whole construct that is used within elitism within the world system where a few profit from the many as Jezus explained as he was not a religion! We believe he is and made him into one. This brought us evil because from that moment we where locked within the mind [as religion]. The only way to set yourself free is to do as Jezus did and become the living word instead of a follower of believes!
See for yourself where you place yourself within your own words as a believer that refuses to question his own believes. Do I teach that construct to my children than what will happen? What do you say to a child raised by the wolves? Is that child guilty or innocent? What does not speak your language do you separate that from who you think you are?

Only I am able within self honesty to see how I exist within my own words and deeds and constructed believes and lies. Within that I will never be able to see my own constructs if I am living as them. Remember we where born within a program without believes so where do believes come from? Who is it that accept and allows what we believe? These are real questions one needs to take responsibility for towards oneself before believing what so ever! Questions that trigger resistance are always fear and fear is the sole reason why people believe! Jezus showed us what happens if you brake that chain. None of us within whatever believe system is braking that chain hence the state of hope we are in. Hope lives in the mind!

[S]
There seems to be a self contradiction...there seems to a fear in a change of your situation...if you say fear is the sole reason to believe...I can truly conceive to perceive...because the fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom...without his righteousness no one can see his kingdom...I think myself to be a child of God... chosen and adopted by his own accord...we have a hope of a life even after death...because Jesus is alive and living today we need to breathe in his breath...!!!

[me]
What is fear of the lord more than fear of some-thing you believe? As you believe you are a child of god and hope of a life after death because Jezus is alive. Let's stay with the facts here. Jezus is dead our believes of him are alive. Your believes keep you alive, are they life? To be a child of 'god' makes you a child of this world (OUR CREATION) A world of separation. Hoping the past will come in the future within the mind as hope is completely denying what is here as our reality which is separation through believes. What a-fortunate-lie, is reality.

I commit myself to breath here within reality to remain here in this moment and not lose myself within the mind where I become victim of my own projections that become accepted and allowed believes I will manifest as personality instead of living action.

[S]
I beg to differ here...my conceptions are very clear...If Jesus were dead as you want to say...life would be chaotic people running wild in their own wickedness falling astray...we have learned to trust and obey...Oh lord may thy will be done not mine as you have your way...!!!
Faith is important for man to be going...without faith and hope I find no reason to be living...!!!
I live my life by saying "it could have surely been worse"...and that rids me of every strand of curse...!!!

[Me] (at this point starting to feel reactions within myself as irritation)
You refuse to look at reality as it is [S]. We have learned to trust and obey all right. The question is what happened after that? Is creation what you describe it to be? Is life balanced and equal? Is creation an expression of enjoyment where all have equal means to express themselves without friction and conflict? To turn your words into a mirror. Life is chaotic, people are possessed and wickedness RULES the world as competition and within that we are all astray!

- [wasn't that what Jesus demonstrated so dramatically?] -

To believe you are an exception is an absolute elitist acceptance which makes sense because you have a solid and boxed believe which you place outside the realm of reality where only you as personality as perception exist. It's not complicated. Believe is not real. Reality is real. Or If reality is real our believes can not be. We tend to overcomplicate the obvious because we fear.

[S]
Even the Bible gives a true revelation...Satan is ruling the world who denies this conviction...he is crouching at the door ...with his craftiness for people to devour...if people were all made to be equal standing on the same footage...with similar faces of one heritage...wouldn't there be more of chaos and utter confusion...without any recognition or identification...I would dare to challenge for all look alike to make a striking position...jealousy will eat them like a vicious snake...then life can never have a replay neither a retake...!!!

[me]
Now read what you just wrote. Projecting statements from the past onto the future totally avoiding the present. More chaos less chaos. One Adam two Adams! Eve would have children! So according to you, suffering is acceptable because your believes make it quantifiable? I bit more for him and less for her because the bible tells you too. The all forgiven god seems to keep a shadow account. A newborn dying of aids can only be justified within cultist or brainwashed believes. Common sense would rule out any justification. In reality it make no sense. If an all forgiven god would exist this example proofs the god is not all forgiven and I'm brainwashed to the point I will abuse others in the name of faith. To know water is to know ice as god and satan are the two sides of a single believe. To accept one you have to accept the other for they would not exist within equality!

STOP

etc. etc. If I didn't stop myself here, this religious ping pong could last for years. So I'm going to look at my reactions and see where I reacted because reaction equals the things I fear myself. First of all there is the general irritation I feel because straight questions do not get straight answers. I know christians who dare to say "I don't know". Which is a brave statement coming from a any fundamentalist believer. So it irritates me when I ask a question and that question is totally ignored. In other words no joint effort is made to find reason within the claims that are made. It almost always ends with: Yes but I believe…. Those words kills all reason and stand for total denial of what is here they take only the one who speaks them into consideration confronting me with the total possession of that person within and as his religious believes.

I always assumed that religion was to search for god. To search for meaning. To have questions answered. Because that's what religions do. They answer questions. Specific questions. I used to respect men of faith and their so called dedication. Dedication to what? I completely overlooked the fact that all religions dedicate themselves to and within a confined space. They set points of value. Points of interest. All within a simple mathematical equation that if you have lots of assets you have greater chance of making profit. By now we all know why the top of a pyramid has only one stone and that stone is covered in gold with only the heavens above. The rest is of no importance! The more power you collect the more momentum you gain the more you collect. A snowball never rolls uphill.

We are part of and inside a religious community or value system or box or culture or cult. We all reach planes of religious boxes in our life. In those moments you have little options. Remember the first time you realized there would come a time you would be old and grey and sick and where going to die of old age looking like a raisin? Same point. Within a system one move from one conception to deception to another. As with all believe systems one either leave the box which will allow one to look at the box, or one stay in the box and one doesn't. It's up too our god given 'free will' to decide. How is that for 'free' and 'will'? Within the box it's warm and things are orderly. The box is comfortable and you don't feel hungry. What we don't seem to realize is that all believes are one big box. The torture never stops. We are boxed in and as we live our lives in this chicken run that suffers beyond imagination we slowly pick away at the other chicks watched by the farmer without questioning our believes in regards to this hand that seems to feed us. It's the boiling frog equation.

The beautiful lie always wins from the honest truth because we all want food, a chicken run and a quick painless death. Hopefully we will live happily ever after, joined by angels or 666 virgins or heaps of Ganja or whatever picture presentation reward is waiting for me in 'THE FUTURE'. I realized I have to be aware of anything or any one that makes a promise or proposition towards the future starting with my own mind. Where is my future without me?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in a 'better' future

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a better future to god

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe god is responsible for my future

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that for me to have it better someone else will be worse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that god and satan can only exist because I accepted and allowed myself to believe in one of them creating the other in the process

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create all kinds of projections regarding god and the heavens without ever realizing I was doing this all in my mind while earth was here to ground me all the time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my ideas and concepts of god on to other people even my child without realizing I never knew if anything I claimed had anything to do with reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I am responsible for teaching my child there cannot be anything bigger than you if you cannot factually see it and experience it within this physical reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my hopes and prayers would be answered by some thing I never proved to be real for myself within common sense in this reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my parents for not teaching me about reality not realizing that they where brainwashed by their parents as we are all brainwashed by our parents

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that school thought me about reality while in fact they only showed me the way to behave within the system not revealing the true nature of who I am as humanity which is a manipulative self centered species that will lie and deceive to get what it want's no matter what

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to train myself in the art of manipulation becoming the epiphany of manipulation towards the world around me in order to get things my way not realizing I was becoming my own prisoner within my mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself as and become the most important thing in this world making it almost impossible for myself to place myself one and equal with others no matter what they did or are doing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not test my believes trough physical action in reality in order to experience their validity and transform them into practical knowledge instead of believes

Day 003-All and Nothing

Met up with a friend yesterday. He's called 'All'. All and I have a strange relationship. Sometimes he's very supportive where he's assisting me to get things done quick and effectively. All helped me in a lot of cases where I needed to get things done. Where I had to move stuff in my life. He helped me get my work done, make decisions, build stuff, tell jokes, come on to women, defend myself, brainstorm, produce ideas and solutions, sports, school, relationships. All helped me to define myself in this life. All had a profound influence on my personality as 'good' friends do.

All seldom bails out of a challenge unless it's in his own best interest. In those cases friends sometimes loose touch as they say. In those cases All shows me his last name 'Nothing'. Exceptions aside All was and is always there to the point of being 'übercool'. 'But' I 'know' that nothing can be über if there isn't an under! So as with all good friends, the better you know them the more you see them and their bullshit. And you take the bullshit. What else can you do? You are friends remember.

So like all friends All has that other side. That side I call 'Nothing'. That's where our friendship is tested to the limit. That's where I have to assist him because in those moments All will not move, communicate, react, respond. All becomes the expression of a mineshaft. Nothing I say, think, or do will change that Nothingness of All. The more I try the more All will burry himself and me with him. All will be dead weight. That's when I become very emotional within my reactions to All. This shows me that when All is Nothing I get confused. I panic because I don't know what to do. I'm out of control because I lost control. I have no tools, nothing to fall back on to change the situation. I'm there helpless and stuck with Nothing.

Those moments where All becomes Nothing are highly unstable experiences for me. Nothing to hold on to or to fall back on. Helplessness becomes panic. Self movement grinds to a halt and the only thing I want to do is run. Disappear and dissolve. In those moments I'm loosing my mind as it is my mind that freaks out, looses control. At this stage I'm fucked within reality because I exist within a state of fear without any stability. I'm exposed as fear and totally vulnerable. Normally All would be there to bail me out but he's not here and I am stuck with Nothing on top of that.

When my mindstorms finally settle and I dare to take a self honest look in the mirror to face myself within those points of fear as panic and instability where I judge myself as the coward that ran. I see that there is no point in maintaining a relationship with All (or Nothing for that matter). That this relationship is based on abuse from the beginning. That neither All nor Nothing can be trusted unless my starting point is equal and one with both of them. Only then will I establish a relationship with us as a group that is based on a principle that is best for all of us.


-I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become unstable within performing my planned tasks at hand

- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within wanting to perform within a time limit instead of gently and thoroughly go trough the process of working towards the desired result creating a deadline and chaos instead of substance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put pressure on myself knowing that that same pressure is what is going to fuck with me within the tasks at hand thus sabotaging myself before I even begin working on the tasks at hand

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not check myself sufficiently during my process of completing a task thus allowing myself to drift of into the mind as distraction into other dimensions instead of remaining here as breath completing the task at hand

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear opinion and judgement of others and within that judging myself and my output in comparison and or separation to/from others instead of looking at my judgement within the points I have in common with others and walk from there to see and learn.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others within their expression as language as the placement of words

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not slow myself down and take a step back before I accepted and allowed myself to become completely possessed/engulfed in energy thus loosing myself within and as instability and inefficiency resulting in chaos

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge and compare my writings and expression in connection to performance within the point of winners and losers because I see that this is bullshit where I accept and allow my mind to present my self honest efforts as a game of some sort making it acceptable to bend the rules because that is the essence of gameplay.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not allow myself to step back and correct myself within taking a break during work because taking a break has nothing to do with not performing and can in fact increase my performance if it's done in self honesty because taking a step back and pause can create a broader perspective within the point of seeing the bigger picture.

Day 002-Irritated

The point that really stood out today was irritation. I accepted and allowed myself to become irritated. Irritation creates a lot of friction so I really sabotaged myself today. I'm not working at home at the moment. I'm on location and so is my equipment. Today felt like everything was amplified. Noise was louder, light was brighter and time seemed to move faster. I'm now well into the fourth week of being fully emerged in quite stressful work with permanent deadlines and impulses around me.

It's interesting to observe the impact this bowl of energy around me is having on me. It's permeating my skin. Sometimes I can even feel temperature changes in my skin. I cannot run from it or shield myself against it. The combination of work and keeping stable as breath is something I have yet to master. Its like swimming where I have moments on the surface and then it's back down and being submerged in work to get shit done. In the process this pattern is becoming visible. It's an old pattern. It's the nine to nine pattern I had for a long time where I in the morning kind of merge with my work and the computer programs and come out of this trip at around nine o clock at night within this energetic buzz.

I'm working and my head will start spinning, my body is tensed up, my breathing is higher and last but not least there is this luring feeling of irritation. Its like being hooked with a thousand hooks and hanged from the ceiling. Locked into my place behind the computer calibrated to spin with the system and produce output. Feeling that whole energetic buzz creeping in and slowly eating me up. Today around 16.00 hours I couldn't keep my eyes open. I wanted to get out, go home get air but I couldn't because I have an agreement with myself to not give into resistance. And this was resistance for sure. It came to a point where I felt so tired I wanted to lay myself down on the floor. I knew it had to be resistance. My mind was looking for back doors to get me out and presenting me with this tiredness was one of them. It worked great because I really felt like I was done. At that moment my brother (who's also there) said "stop, let's play"

If you wonder why a lot of advertising agencies have soccer tables. It's because of this point. It's a means to an end. You go to the table and you simply create a shortcut to silence the mind through playing a fierce physical game of table soccer. So that's what I did and it helped me create that little space from where I was able to become stable and get my shit done. It's always the obvious shit that I miss indeed. So here is a great tip. In case of mental sabotage presenting itself as resistance were one becomes tired. Stop and do something physical. Jump, trow a ball, walk or ride a bike. It works!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself by giving into resistance presented by my mind as tiredness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to drink more coffee than I had agreed upon with myself making it harder to remain stable within breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give my body the sleep it needed last night resulting in a less stable thus not preferable situation where I support myself by doing my work efficiently thus saving time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become irritated and expressing that irritation orally thereby making others part of my problem which is unacceptable as I should be an example as movement. Whereby I'm moving myself trough those particular points of resistance without any drama or emotion thus not giving the ego of the mind what it wants which is self limitation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry with myself as judging myself as incompetent or not capable of changing my behavior that presented itself as tiredness at the same time realising this tiredness was resistance

Day 001-Fear of commitment

Yesterday as a group it was decided that from now on we will write a little everyday.

FROM NOW ON I WILL COMMIT MYSELF TO WRITE EVERYDAY, NO EXCUSES.

Is that realistic? Can I get this into a practical agreement with myself? Do I even dare to consider doing this. Damn it's scares me all ready. This is a great opportunity to expose myself more to others as I walk this process of birthing myself as life by sharing who I am as my mind as what I have accepted and allowed to become 'me'.

This point of willing myself comes with a lot of anxiety. I fear to commit myself to a task that will be there every day. A point that will confront me with the way I commit myself and lack there of. This time it will be visible to the public. No hiding so if I fail it will be a public fail. That's fear of being judged by others. There is shame, ego fear of failure. All those points open up within this single point of a daily commitment of sharing myself. I also fear that my words and the way they are placed are not 'good' enough. That I have to perform adding another pressure point to be managed in daily life that is sheer pressure as it is.

On the other hand this is a great opportunity to reveal the true nature of who I have become within those points. Points that exist within others as well. This could actually assist others as lot's of writings by fellow Destonians have assisted me greatly. Because this is a daily commitment it will show me acting or not acting within this agreement. Within these writings I will focus on one point during my day and apply Self forgiveness on that point. My first point is fear of commitment and this is a cool point because I wasn't consistent in my writings let alone my self forgiveness anyhow. So that's out. Giving into resistance is a major point to face for everyone. For me it 'feels' like the same resistance I had doing my homework as a kid. Looking for all possible ways to not do that daily shit and get it over with.

It's like Dr. Ferrari said; "Telling someone who procrastinates to buy a weekly planner is like telling someone with chronic depression to just cheer up". Well knowing that depression is just another form of procrastination as I accept and allow the mind to rule my emotions. I see it's time to address these points like I addressed other points in my life. It's time to pick up the pace and walk as 'we' walk.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear committing myself to this agreement of writing every day.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future
I forgive myself for fearing myself within the point of self reflection as who I am within my actions
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear public reaction and opinion towards my writings
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to self sensor my writings in order to project a better image or picture presentation of myself within my writings.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear writing these self forgiveness statements knowing they will reveal the true nature of who I am and have become.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into resistance as tiredness seeing it's my mind instead of real physical tiredness

2012 Am I a symbol of exclusiveness?

In holland when a boy and a girl decide to 'go steady' they often state: 

"het is aan" (it's on). 

It's like both decide that the product is 'branded' good enough to be marketed and sold to the public. Growing up this 'being on' became 'I am in a relationship'. Within that the people around me would then ask if I was 'going steady?'. In other words, do you fuck around or not? Either way it shows we have a hard time determining what a relationship is in the first place. It ranges from 'we are madly in love' to 'being fuck buddies to 'we fuck each other up'. Whatever name we give this dependency upon being with someone, It clearly needs to have a label! People apparently need to be able to tell other people what sex symbol it is I am involved inn.

In this world based on pictures as labels you produce a code for everything you do and are involved inn. And because we spend most of our time with other people that's where the most labels are printed. I am alone, homosexual, active inactive, related unrelated, heterosexual, married within an open relationship able to fuck around or as Facebook states "it's complicated". 

If the above is true or false doesn't even matter. Fore all I know I could be secretly spanking elderly women in my basement. If I confirm to the archetype picture of being financially stable and in a steady relationship preferable with a beautiful 'intelligent' woman, everything around me will become kind of fluid and mellow. Is that how it's supposed to be? Is this where we 'think' we feel most comfortable. Is that how it's supposed to be? Looking at the animals it makes perfect sense.

I have been in and out relationships enough to know what happens as we go through the phases. Very soon after entering the initial stages I will stop questioning the world around me for the larger part. Who benefits from the fact I do this? Why is it that most women suddenly have a child wish? Why do men fear this? Why is it that relationships are often labeled as 'hard work' and 'compromise'. That you have to endure and to give and take. Be solid as a rock, celebrating 25 years of marriage. Why do I have to congratulate people with 25 years of marriage? Did they sacrifice a lim to the gods or something? What is it they did I have to salute? They got married and it was their own choice to voluntarily do so in the first place. Do I send my best wishes to Apple after they successfully merge with Microsoft? What the fuck am I missing?

Isn't it strange? Placing myself completely outside this turmoil and the first thing I notice is loneliness! Like being in a spaceship cirkling the globe. In my life the moment I was not in a relationship my mind would start projecting the perspective of being in one instantaneous. So are relationships addictions? Do I ad myself on to some thing. Am I the ad on.

I can distract myself from this point with other substance like drugs or sports or whatever habit would distract me from my secret mind that is constantly urging me to look at and react to every fuckable person I see. This will not resolve itself. I have accepted and allowed myself to become part of the big pool of sex and relationships in this world. 

Amongst other things I was talking about this stuff with someone and within this conversation the person related to her situation where she wanted to be 'exclusive' with a person. For me this was just another way of her saying she wanted to 'go steady' with whatever exclusive fuck it may be. The word exclusive didn't hit me until later as I started to ponder on it. Why not call it 'a lover', 'a fucker', 'a buddy? Why ask a person to be 'exclusive'? Why do I want a person to be exclusive?

exclusive |ikˈskloōsiv|

adjective

1 excluding or not admitting other things : my exclusive focus is on San Antonio issues.

• unable to exist or be true if something else exists or is true : these approaches are not exclusive; many students will combine them | mutually exclusive political views.

• (of terms) excluding all but what is specified.

2 restricted or limited to the person, group, or area concerned : the couple had exclusive possession of the condo | the jaguar and puma are exclusive to the New World.

• (of an item or story) not published or broadcast elsewhere : an exclusive interview.

• (of a commodity) not obtainable elsewhere : exclusive designer jewelry.

3 catering or available to only a few, select persons; high class and expensive : an exclusive Georgetown neighborhood.

4 [ predic. ] ( exclusive of) not including; excepting : prices are exclusive of tax and delivery.

noun

an item or story published or broadcast by only one source.

DERIVATIVES

exclusiveness noun

exclusivity |ˌekskloōˈsivitē| noun

ORIGIN late 15th cent. (as a noun denoting something that excludes or causes exclusion): from medieval Latin exclusivus, from Latin excludere ‘shut out’ (see exclude ).

Fascinating

My professional background is advertising and marketing so for me the word 'exclusive' is connected to value. From my perspective more exclusive means more expensive. In business exclusivity agreements strengthen certain business relationships at the exclusion of others. Frequently a company that's strong in its sector will contract with a crucial part of its supply chain, or team up with a powerful player in another market, to create dominance within a certain territory. In any event, exclusivity agreements help the predators establish a 'territory' and kill more prey. It's the capitalists playing nice with the system. The same system where it's very convenient for 'the exclusive' that the masses behave like wildebeest in  a herd. Let's look at this from a few business models/perspectives as in relationships. First up there is:

Identification

An exclusivity agreement as a contract between two or more entities to exclusively deal with each other regarding a specific area of business. It usually doesn't establish a relationship between two businesses, but rather takes it to the next level of commitment. An exclusivity agreement can also exist between two people in regard to some sort of business intercourse they will share together.

Features

The essential feature of an exclusivity agreement is the covenant to not engage in a particular business activity with other parties for a specified period of time. The agreement usually restricts only one of the parties. This typically occurs in vertical buyer/seller relationship where a buyer agrees to buy exclusively from the seller. Or a manufacturer could agree to ship its products through only a certain distributor. Less common is the bilateral agreement that puts conditions on both parties.

Types

In addition to buyer/seller relationships, exclusivity agreements sometimes come into play during business acquisitions. Because there can be heated competition and competing bids for a company, an acquiring company that makes progress in negotiations can have its target sign an exclusivity agreement preventing it from entertaining other offers from competitors. Individuals may enter into an exclusivity agreement when they agree to list their house exclusively with a real estate agency.

Function

Exclusivity agreements create stability in a business relationship, which in turn provides predictability. The ability to foresee future costs and project business relationships is crucial to operating a large company. An exclusivity agreement shuts out competition, which tends to let costs stabilize and allows for a confident and efficient allocation of noncapital resources.

Considerations

Within an exclusivity agreement there may be other terms, such as confidentiality, access to relevant data and conditions for termination. Once two businesses get in bed together, they may become privy to information about each other that could be valuable to the competition. But, at the same time, a certain level of cooperation might be necessary to maximize the synergy of the two companies. The exclusivity agreement can be tailored to the needs of the moment as well as future inevitabilities. Sometimes the agreement can be broken at any time, but with a penalty. In other cases it might be periodically renegotiated, or terminated upon certain conditions.

This is how I see where this is going. It will be business as usual unless I make my starting point one and equal within what is best for all. The practical point to walk would be an equality agreement within an unequal reality. Which is impossible. So at this point in space and time within a 'relationship' it would require two people to live two lives in space and time. One would be equal with one another. The other would require a definition and a spot where one would walk within the territory of predators in complete separation. 

From all these perspectives and my experiences from the past I can only keep reminding myself to see reality as all of us struggling to be exclusive within standard fucknesslessness.

2012 Medipulation of the spotted mind

Job Interview
I'm having a job interview tomorrow and I'm thinking about it. Meditating on it some would say. The work, the distance, the money, my dog, time management, priorities, freedoms etc. tetc. Again I'm confronted with countless ways to disappear within my mind as thoughts I'm apparently free to think. The surge of secret thoughts that flow by and the emotions they trigger as fears.


This mindfuck that's called meditation or 'thinking about 'some-thing'. Whatever name I give this mechanism, It's never about what I am meditating on it's about what I do as meditation. Mental discipline? WTF why? It makes no sense for it will not bring forth anything more than structured thoughts. Concepts that could be applied in a structured world. My meditating is like calibrating my program to function optimal with the other programs. Meditation-callibration will get me to the point after interruption called reality until my code is 'clean' until fully functional for the system to benefit. Until that moment I will be rebooting myself time after time again like I did a billion years before. It makes no fucking sense at all.


 - 'thoughts'-  - ought's - out to be - electric buzzing bees.


Involvement
I used to smoke weed. That's where you puff and disappear within this sea of endless possabilities as thoughts. Floating on this ocean of electrical impulses coming from within. Like stepping of the train in amsterdam on a saturday in june. It's that surge of energy that can completely overwhelm the hereness as me breathing at the stand. 


My thoughts can only move me if my body cooperates. Thoughts are valued as well. Thoughts have labels and barcodes. They are chit-chat, bullshit, a waste of time, entertainment, strategies, business concepts and moneymakers par definition. That's the way I have been meditating through life. Not looking at my thoughts but becoming them. Identifying with them. Valuing them and reacting to them. Allowing myself to become depressed by them. Fearing them. Projecting them, abusing them to abuse others. 


Writing out my thoughts
Often I see myself as this warlord and my thoughts as innocent children I turn into soldiers simply because I'm allowing it to happen. As within so without. I'm permanently fucking with myself using knowledge and information to manipulate the world around me. From the moment I started to think, started to meditate I was on it. Crying like a baby became arguing for my limitations, which turned into my personality that manipulated me through 'life'. Thoughts that pray have nothing on hands that do the work to survive. The result of what I think this existence to be is completely unacceptable. Does that justify my thought that 'the way' we think is completely flawed? 


I'm having a job interview tomorrow and there will be mutual interest and understanding followed by making it work.


Or not. 
mikel-k restart

2012 the fifty thousand 'special ones'

Special education
Yesterday more than 50 000 Dutch teachers went on strike and filled the Amsterdam Arena. It was the biggest strike in dutch national history within the educational system. The Dutch government says it has to cut costs and although they (abstractly speaking) spared education, education now has to cut costs as well. 300 million euro's within the area of 'special education'. Meaning children with so called 'special needs'.

Teachers emphasized on the fact it was not about their income our jobs. It was about the quality and care fore those children. They where taking a stand as teachers guarding the responsibility they have as teachers within the educational system. A 'good' government should 'praise' this group of people because they go on strike on behalf of their accepted responsibility within society instead of their self interest. The teachers where even prepared to drop a raise in salary for part of the group that performed above average. This is quite unique in Dutch history. Back to those so called 'special needs'. What 'special needs'? There is this group of children and they are special and secondly they have needs. Am I missing something? This could apply to every individual or group in society. If you define parameters to groups you are automatically able to define such groups as special. Marketing does it all the time. We do it all the time. It's us that build the social structure. It's hard to see because it's within us and the way we all behave within the hive.

Soft versus hardware
Special education is simply a designed or designated target group like all others. Meaning that through the media I'm looking at part of the structure that is the structured systems. Because the system is based on profit this group is identifiable as 'not profitable'. It doesn't return enough on investment and has lost function within the system. Apparently the teachers 'see' something the majority is not yet aware of. The painful point within this and all the other discussions about money is the available solutions. The whole discussion is polarized through political motives advertised through the media to distract us from what these teachers 'see'. Cut costs here, cut costs there, discussions on television… All that jabber through the media advertises us away from the truth and the fact that there is only one cause and one simple solution to the problem.

This is not about Education. It's about profit! Within this scenario those 'special' children would not get educated, fall out of the system and start to roam the streets like they do in India, Brazil, Africa, etc. Then it's no longer a problem of education it will be a problem of criminality (it's how you manipulate a political agenda). What's cheaper? Education or homeland security? Politicians have known the answer for thousands of years. Educated societies are stable societies. So why? Where does this need for instability come from? Why is no journalist asking this simple question? It proves the connection between education and the media as part of the commercial machine within a profit based information system. A system that's not capable of taking care of this planet.

All work and no software updates
Instability eventually turns into chaos and chaos is where few make most. Without proper education humans become highly manipulable zombies. Where does that leave you in a world based on knowledge and information ruled by feelings and emotions of political polarity. Dare to ask yourself why we never had peace on this earth despite all the knowledge and information available to us? There is a great difference between a contract and an agreement. Humanity has locked itself up in courtrooms fighting over individual contracts that define specialness instead of coming to agreement on what's best for all. We have to acknowledge 'special needs' as all as one. Equality makes 'specialness' obsolete. No need for 'special needs', institutes, people, politicians, cars, stars and stripes. Conflict is always a fight over self declared specialness.

Understand that this 'specialness' is programmed into us as our ego as software and used to create polarity deceiving you into conflict that will eventually kill for profit. Do we bleed special blood or do we bleed just like those 'special children' with 'special needs'? More and more people wake up to these points as reality becomes more explicit. Take some time to investigate the options we have with Equal Money because it's such an elegant and simple solution. Maybe a bit hard to understand because we where educated to believe we live in a complex world. Eventually it will be 'equality' or death that ends 'specialness'.

What would happen if all teachers stop instead of 50 000 special ones?


12 21 12, 2012, 21 december 12, dec 12 2012, december 12 2011, december 12 doomsday, december 21 2012.

2012 Chaos and the end of education

The best teachers and schools don't exist where they're needed most
During a keynote in 2010 Sugata Mitra addressed a few pressing subjects regarding the future of Education which he calls "The child-driven education". Amongst others he pointed out that if you draw circles around places where good teachers won't go, those are the places where 'trouble' comes from. An ironic problem isn't it?

Good teachers don't want to go (don't get paid to go) to places where they're needed most. At the same time our children are dropping out of school and we can't teach them to deal with their own minds because we don't know how to do that ourselves! The greatest fuck up in the world today is the abuse of children within this essential point of education where the great divide between leaders and followers is created. Why are we surprised that our children cannot handle the dynamics of reality? Our reality! As I see it present education should be called 'child abuse'. How can I justify the brainwashing of my child based on the current system that's not supporting life? This point is beyond religion or politics. I simply can't.

Children will learn to do what they want to learn to do.
Suga Mitra did an experiment, which was a very simple experiment. He basically embedded a computer into a wall of a slum in New Delhi. The children there barely went to school, they didn't know any English, they'd never seen a computer before, and they didn't know what the internet was. He connected high speed internet to the computer, turned it on and left it there. Interesting things started to happen. The experiment was repeated all over India and a large part of the world. What was noticed was that children will learn to do what they want to learn to do.

You see this eight year old boy teaching his student, a six year old girl how to browse. In a Rajasthan village the children recorded their own music and then played it back to each other and in the process, they've enjoyed themselves thoroughly. They did all of this in four hours after seeing the computer for the first time. In another South Indian village, these boys had assembled a video camera and were trying to take a photograph of a bumble bee 14 days after the computer was put in their village. At the end Suga concluded that groups of children can learn to use computers and the internet on their own, irrespective of who or where they were.

At this point they decided to see what else children could do with a computer. So they started off with an experiment in Hyderabad India, where a group of children (that spoke English with a very strong Telugu accent) where given a computer with a speech-to-text interface. The children where asked to speak into it. When they spoke into it, the computer typed out gibberish, so they said, "It doesn't understand anything of what we are saying." The children where told the computer would be there for two months. "Good luck making yourself understood to the computer." The children asked "How?" They didn't got an answer and Suga left. Two months later (this is documented) the accents had changed and were remarkably close to the neutral British accent. Children could do that on their own no problemo. Teachers that read this will start to hear a lot of back chat right now lol.

A teacher that can be replaced by a machine should be
A lot of experiments where done with children in india in order to stimulate learning on their own. At one point even the late Arthur C. Clarke got involved. He said two interesting things.

1"A teacher that can be replaced by a machine should be (isn't this hilarious).

2"If children have interest, then education happens."

With children, when you've got interest, you have education. I know this for a fact from my own experience. Children will climb the highest mountain without complaining if they are interested to do so.

After Suga got funded from Newcastle university he set up another experiment in India where he set himself an impossible target: can Tamil speaking 12-year-old children in a South Indian village teach themselves biotechnology in English on their own? 26 children where called in and where told that there was some really difficult stuff on this computer. The stuff was in English and that was it.

He left the children with that computer. When he came back after two months, the 26 children marched in very, very quiet. He asked them, "did you look at any of the stuff?" They said, "Yes, we did." "Did you understand anything?" No, nothing they said. So Suga asked "how long did you guys practice on it before you decided you understood nothing?" They said, "We looked at it every day." So, "For two months, you were looking at stuff you didn't understand?" At this point a 12 year-old girl raises her hand and says, literally, "Apart from the fact that improper replication of the DNA molecule causes genetic disease, we've understood nothing."

I rest my case... - ! -

One of the referees in England who refereed the papers said, "It's too good to be true". A typical remark from a brainwashed contemporary teacher full of ego. Anyway one of the girls in the village had taught herself to become the teacher. The scores had gone up from zero to 30 percent, which is an educational impossibility under the circumstances. But 30 percent is not a pass. So Suga needed help. A friend, a local accountant. Suga asked a local girl he was playing footbal with if she would teach the children enough biotechnology to pass? She asked how would I do that? I don't know the subject. Suga said, "use the method of the grandmother." What's that? "Well, what you do is stand behind the children and admire them all the time. Just say to them, That's cool. That's fantastic. What is that? Can you do that again? Can you show me some more? She did that for two months. The scores went up to 50, which is what the posh schools of New Delhi, with a trained biotechnology teacher were getting!


The Grandmother methode
Back in Newcastle with the results there was something happening that definitely was getting very serious. So, having experimented in all sorts of remote places, Suga came to the most remote place that he could think of. Approximately 5,000 miles from Delhi is the little town of Gateshead (England). In Gateshead, he took 32 children and started to fine-tune the method. He made groups of four and said, "You make your own groups of four. Each group of four can use one computer. Remember, from the Hole in the Wall. "You can exchange groups. You can walk across to another group, if you don't like your group, etc. You can go to another group, peer over their shoulders, see what they're doing, come back to your own group and claim it as your own work." And he explained to them that a lot of scientific research is done using that method.

The children enthusiastically asked, "what do you want us to do?" he gave them six GCSE questions. The first group -- the best one -- solved everything in 20 minutes. The worst, in 45. They used everything that they knew -- news groups, Google, Wikipedia, Ask Jeeves, etc. The teachers said, "Is this deep learning?" Suga said, "let's try. I'll come back after two months and do a paper test so no computers, no talking to each other, etc." The average score when done with the computers and the groups was 76 percent. When he did the paper test, after two months, the score was 76 percent! There was photographic recall inside the children, probably because the children were discussing with each other. A single child in front of a single computer will not do that.

Other results where almost unbelievable. Scores going up with time. Because after the session is over, the children continue to 'Google'. In Britain, he put out a call for British grandmothers. British Grandmothers, vigorous people. British grandmothers, 200 of them volunteered immediately. The deal was that they would give Suga one hour of broadband time, sitting in their homes, one day a week. So they did that, and over a period of two years, over 600 hours of instruction has happened over Skype, using what Suga's students call the granny cloud. The granny cloud sits over there. Suga can beam them to whichever school he want to. Back at Gateshead, a 10-year-old girl gets into the heart of Hinduism in 15 minutes and tells us things we never heard of before. Two children watch a TEDTalk. They wanted to be footballers. After watching eight TEDTalks, they wants to become Leonardo da Vinci. It's pretty simple stuff.

This is what Suga is building now and he calls it SOLEs: Self Organized Learning Environments. The furniture is designed so that children can sit in front of big, powerful screens, big broadband connections, but in groups. If they want, they call the granny cloud.

Suga went to Turin. He sent all the teachers away from a group of 10 year-old students. He said I only speak English, they spoke only Italian, so no 'language' to communicate. Suga started writing English questions on the blackboard. The children looked at it and said, "What?" He said, "Well, do it." They typed it into Google, translated it into Italian, went back into Italian Google. Fifteen minutes later, next question: where is Calcutta? This one, they did in 10 minutes. He tried a really hard one on them. Who was Pythagoras, and what did he do? There was silence for a while, then they said, "You've spelled it wrong. It's Pitagora." And then, in 20 minutes, the right-angled triangles began to appear on the screens.

We are talking about 10 year-olds here!!!

We've just stumbled across that what humans have inside their DNA. Being part of a self-organizing system. A self-organizing system is one where a structure appears without (apparent) explicit intervention from the 'outside'. Self-organizing systems also always show emergence, where the system starts to do things, which it was never designed for. Which is why you react the way you do, because it looks impossible! Just watch 'The Matrix' again on that one.

Critical mass
By now you should see that 'education' could be a self-organizing system, where learning is simply part of our 'natural' expression, our culture. It emerges from us 'the organism'. Yes this will take far to much time to prove because the educational system as it exists is based on making money based on industrial principles dating back to the first factory's.

There is so much money pushing the current system. It's really unbelievable. So it will take us a few years to wake up to these points. My point is that we as Destonians are already ringing the bell! In the mean time, there is a method available. One billion children and their parents. That means you too. 100 million mediators are needed and there are many more than that on the planet. Let's wake the fuck up and act! Demand something of ourselfs within this point and Demand that same thing from the teachers teaching our children.

The experiments of people like Suga Mitra (and many more) prove that there is more than meets the eye and 'thinking' you know about education is plain stupid because, take a look. Who educated us? Who got us thinking? This world is coming to a point where we have to make some tough choices. Do we go left or right. As parents we can't afford to let the system run it's course. That course will take us over a cliff called 'back in time'. Allready we are confronted with devastating consequences directly related to poor education. Let's make a stand. Stand up for equality, equal money and Education of self. Investigate Desteni and discover the solution.

Also read MatterFreeman's post:
EDUCATION, PRODUCTIVITY, GDP AND WHY EQUAL MONEY MAKES SENSE

2012 are your children relevant?

12 21 12, 2012, 21 december 12, dec 12 2012, dD12 21 12, 2012, 21 december 12, dec 12 2012, december 12 2011, december 12 doomsday, december 21 2012.

Irrelevant 
Not so long ago someone confronted me with the word 'relevance' within a context I would never have placed it myself. In this case the word was used within the point of 'a relationship'. I wouldn't be able to crasp the concept of relevance within a relationship in the first place if I wasn't in this process of exposing myself, taking my actions back to me. To keep pushing the point of taking self responsibility for things happening in this world, in my life. 

I have never looked at relationships from the point of 'relevance'. Because one have to define relevance before one can use the word within the context of a relationship and I never did that within relationships. Relevance? Tell me honey is there any relevance within us being together in the first place besides good sex and being able to share the load of life together? Is love relevant? Is sex relevant? This is not how I communicated with partners generally. Though there is always relevance from 'one' point of view within relationships and that one point is always self interest. That raises the question about  self interest being relevant? Which can never be or exist within a relationship from a point of equality.

This was quite a brain-cracker for me. It also created a serious mind fuck for a few weeks where I was mainly dissolving points of anger/frustration like a child that cannot grasp what is happening. It felt like standing on skates for the first time. Can I have one relevant please? Is there any relevance within our human behavior in the first place? What is relevant? You tell me? 

Superpowers
To be able to stop participating within a 'relationship' from the point of 'relevance' as I see it, would require one to have a complete and total overview of ones actions and behavior within a relationship. Seeing cause and effect within ones own participation in past-present and the effects on the future. Utter self awareness within every breath. I couldn't grasp this from a practical perspective within sharing oneself with another person. That's ego off coarse because the only thing I have to do is place myself as that other persons point of relevance and look at it from that persons perspective. Time after time again until no longer relevant...

Relevance can only mean relevant in relation to… It must be because relevance always relates. It's 'created'. Relevance is not there in the first place. Relevance relates or evolves from and towards points, equations, formulas and principles. The more I pondered on the meaning of relevance the more frustrated I got. Relevance fucked with me for quite some time.

Unity
What's the relevance of you and me? Aren't most relationships a permanent polarity play between points of interest! Your turn, my turn and eventually our turn as a happy family. A relationship will be relevant as well as irrelevant from countless starting points. All creating cause and effect. Relevance needs to be connected 'to the points' = relevant. So one could say that no relationship is ever relevant if the parties involved are not permanently on the same page regarding their relevant points or what's the point? Is it just sex then the only relevant point is sex. Until sex is no longer relevant? Etc. etc.

Looking at my own relationships and the ones around me this point of relevance becomes quite interesting. Why do people relate? Why do people invest huge amounts of time and money into relationships? What fuels my relationships from the point of relevance? It's like looking at it upside down. Have I ever told someone within a relationship his or her 'presence' was no longer relevant? Not in those words I did. It implies I would have had self responsibility and would have been able to see all relevant points. Most of my relationships ended in spiteful, messy, shameful experiences I tried to forget which is impossible because the mind does not forget.

One could say that without the starting point of equality there is no relevance within any relationship other than self interest. Without equality all my relationships would become irrelevant sooner or later and that's not what I want them to be. What can I do?

What's relevant?
At present the whole world is fucked within this point of competition. Hair and make up. The next top model or golden voiced superstar. It's all we are told and we accept and allow our children to brainwash each other according to those examples and images we impose on them. Even if we present them the concept of equality and talk to them about relevance, what is there to expect without us as living examples of 'the principle'? We show our children that if we have it we are afraid to loose it and if we loose it we want to get it back. The perspective of our children playing this game the way we are doing I find horrifying.

It's interesting to walk trough a day looking at myself participating in the world from this point of relevance. It requires constant awareness within the fuckups I create trough irrelevant actions from moment to moment. Looking at relevance shows me that what is relevant to life = equality and I don't see any solution but an equal money system to get to that point. For me that's what makes the Desteni message relevant beyond any point of self interest or entertainment.

relevant |ˈreləvənt|

adjective

closely connected or appropriate to the matter at hand : the candidate's experience is relevant to the job.

relevance noun

relevancy |-vənsē| noun

relevantly adverb

ORIGIN early 16th cent. (as a Scots legal term meaning [legally pertinent] ): from medieval Latin relevant- ‘raising up,’ from Latin relevare.

relevant

adjective

the relevant page numbers: pertinent, applicable, apposite, material, apropos, to the point, germane; connected, related, linked.

2012 Is your ascension Guru on iTunes?

12 21 12, 2012, 21 december 12, dec 12 2012, december 12 2011, december 12 doomsday, december 21 2012.

My former Guru
There was a time in my life were I followed a guru. A spiritual guide as you will. A father figure for the holes I couldn't fill. Meeting figures like that in my life was very specific I can see that now and it's fascinating to observe myself within this point. I met this man via my Yoga teacher who was very 'into him' at the time. Being one of the last svara yogis I already gave him this aura of exclusivity before I even met him. My Guru was born and raised in India. At age 12 he met his spiritual teacher in the Himalayas and spent several years under his guidance. The Guru initiated him into the Saivite tradition of Tantra, imparting a rare oral tradition of sacred sounds (naada yoga), breath (svara yoga), and spiritual 'wisdom'.

The spiritual practices he imparted (sadhana) gave him a rare ability for chanting sounds and mantra. For millennia this tradition was passed down from generation to generation through an oral tradition which preserved its so called 'purity'. In the scene It is seen as a rare opportunity to learn the science of sound from a true master. Yes it's a very elite club of people. One can compare it to Aikido, KungFu or whatever club is elite in nature.

Coming to America
My former guru studied with 'renowned' vocalist, Pran Nath, and his disciple Jagdish Mohan. Pran Nath held fast to the premise that the expression of music was a sacred art, a spiritual offering and a deep direct pathway to the Divine. He also learned how to play the tambura (an ancient drone instrument). In college he studied philosophy, comparative religion and history. At age 24 he migrated to the States and eventually became a citizen. Initially he lived in California. In the 1970s, he frequently taught at Esalen and was a guest lecturer at Berkley California. During this time he played tambura with Ravi Shankar on tour in several concerts, including Lincoln center and Carnegie Hall. He relocated to New York city where he worked extensively with youth who were struggling to find their 'spiritual identity'. He became known as the 'holy man' of Greenwich Village due to his 'unending compassion, effective therapy and esoteric wisdom'. He was quite the man. He also taught classes at the New School for Social Research in Manhattan.

In 1966, he undertook an intensive pilgrimage in the Himalayas. It was at this time that he had a so called vision of his own chakras. This vision was the beginning of a path which led to the discovery of the components of his chakras. That year, he co-founded ‘Satyam Shivam Sundaram’ (goodness, truth, beauty) together with his friend and a Pundit. This organization was founded with the intention of synthesizing the knowledge of East and West in order to aid those seeking to conduct the principles into their every day lives. In early 1967, he had an 'intuition' where he revealed that each of the seven major chakras contained 21 microchakras and described the precise details of theire functioning. This revelation formed his basis fore the Microchakra Psychology system. This system (his system) he trademarked!

Building the brand
My Guru began presenting his work internationally in major growth centers and Universities, including New York University, Bombay University, Asia Society, De Kosmos (Amsterdam) and many others. He introduced a unique method of education for young children. His first open air mantra meditation concert was at the Museum of Modern Art (NYC). In 1968 he was invited to the neuro-psychiatric institute of Princeton, to experiment with the effects of sound. Around this time he commenced his international teachings in Europe. In 1970 he established his Center as a non-profit organization for the promotion of the integration of ancient Indian wisdom and artistic expression with modern science and psychology. This Center has hosted 'rare spiritual teachers'. It has also sponsored some of the greatest Indian artists to perform in the U.S. such as Pran Nath, Karunamayee, Kundan Lal Sharma and Salamet Ali.

In 1975, he was invited to the Royal Tropical Museum in Amsterdam to present his model of Microchakra Psychology. A department of Chakra Studies was created at the University of Lugano, awarding him an honorary professorship. In 1991 het met Dandi Swami Atmanandendra the foremost disciple of Satchidanandendra Saraswati, the internationally 'acclaimed authority' on Shankar Advaita Vedanta. He met SwamJi while walking in the high Himalayas (you always meet your gurus). His life and work have been profoundly affected by SwamJi and his teachings. Currently he has a world wide network of students which he teaches at various locations. He is also on the faculty of the Open Center, New York’s center of holistic learning.

The Guru and his teachings
One of the lazy students was me. I met my Guru because I was at a point in my life where I was completely stuck. I worked my first job. I started my own company together with my best friend which became a, let's say, 3 year learning experience with a twist. I wanted to give up but was too young according to the system. I had to be re infused. That's the point where one meets his guru's. In that state I started doing yoga. It saved me in a way sports have stabalized me trough the years. Yoga confronted me with my body and it allowed me to become gentle with myself again. It also showed me that when I used ego in order to get things done things would always be damaged. I saw a glimpse of what it meant to have patience with oneself. Anyway it was time to review things I had done in my life up to that point and I became very depressed. It was my wake up call to life and this reality, especially to the money point. I realized that my actions and approach to life had been that of a spoiled child. I realized I didn't understand the world I was living in and that I needed help. A lot of these insights I suppressed immediately because they were just too much.

That's when I visited my former Guru for the first time. From his perspective I must have been an open book. He has skills there is no doubt about that. He examined me thoroughly and as he reached a certain spot in my lower back he stopped and put his thumb there. I started crying before I realized I was crying. I never cried like that let alone in front of someone else so I was rather impressed by what happened. I felt this energy within and as an embrace and I was overwhelmed by this intense feeling of respect.

As I sat up and faced him he asked me if my father had been absent in my early youth? What he saw was the fact that my father had tried to raise me with as much freedom as possible. Which meant I was gone like a wild dog the moment my father let me out only to return if my stomach started roaring. My guru told me that everything I did in life was recorded as sound vibration and the more I did the more it would manifest as the reality and personality I was creating myself. It made total sense to me. It also solved my question of storage of information as karma because I saw sound as infinite. I mean where do frequencies stop? So I 'totally' thought I understood what he was saying. I found my master. I found the one to take the role of my father. The one that gave me the answers with that authority my father never claimed. I was deeply touched by this experience. I felt special! I was home and not alone anymore.

The ancient Indian metaphysics of sound, from which my guru derived his teachings, teach that the universe is created from sound. It conveys to us that earth, sun, moon, stars and planets are all born of sound transformed into light. The universe is a luminous whole with degrees of luminosity. In essence light is sound of a particular frequency. The primordial sound is sound without vibration. It is the static matrix from which dynamic movement of expansion and contraction takes place. It is the cause rather than the effect of vibration. This was exactly what I wanted to hear because it was right up my alley. It really gave me a buzz because I was really into quantum mechanics and I had just read Autobiography of a yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda. I really thought I had a connection with ancient india from past lives and that my time of revelations had finally come. I was 'energized' again. I really believed I had found a key. That my depressions would soon be gone. I had a guru now and was one of the lucky ones. I felt privileged and special.

Krsna-Christos-Christ-Christus.
Every Guru has his teachings like a bird sings his songs. Me being one of the chicks meant I had to learn new songs. So what was my Guru about. First of all he didn't want to be called 'A Guru' he always said "I'm a common man" (speak with indian accent). Excellent public relations we get to this later. Secondly, he never wanted to talk about religion. He rather spoke about 'spirituality'…

Let's take a look at the word 'Guru'. My Guru came from India so his tradition, his roots where from india. In India the importance of finding a guru who can impart transcendental knowledge is considered honorable. In Indian culture, a person without a guru or a teacher (acharya) was once looked down on as an orphan or unfortunate one.

Because I read a lot from the Bhagavat Gita (My Bible) I could relate to a lot of concepts very easily. In India the most famous Guru is/was Krsna, a horse/battle carriage driver who reveals himself as 'god' to Arjuna (his famous general) who finds himself in moral conflict during a huge battle/conflict. One of the main texts in the Bhagavad Gita, is a dialogue between Krishna and his friend Arjuna. In this conversation Krsna repeatedly tells Arjuna how important it is to find a guru and acquire transcendental knowledge from a Self-realized master.

What's striking is that this story is very appealing to the classical male loyalty and bonding expressions. At one moment Arjuna voluntarily accepts Krsna as his Guru. Also interesting is that you submit to your Guru and he accepts you as his student. The principle of equality is not present at all.

"By humble reverence, by sincere inquiry, and by service. The wise ones who have realized the Truth will impart the Knowledge to you"


Krsna to Arjuna 


The science of the Guru
I was convinced I had found my master. He lived in America, was modern and he had a great sense of humor. It was just perfect. It was not cheap I must say. He didn't live in an ashram so he had to travel around the world to meet us. That was expensive. He had a wife and a former wife with children (expensive). He ran an institute/company which means he had to make a profit. He was very open about this stuff and because he wasn't a guru he had no moral issues with making money. My spiritual master and I had a business deal. Like I said he was very modern. The basis of his teachings have to do with Prana and Apana. His observation was this: Between the cells of our physical body there is considerable space. This space is pervaded by two invisible bodies just as radio waves pervade the “solid” walls of a room. Ancient Indian teachings call the first invisible body, the subtle body. It is the seat of our feelings. The second invisible body pervades both the physical body and the subtle body. It is called the causal body and is the origin of our thoughts. The subtle body has seven major spinning wheels of energy (chakras) which obtain most of their energy from the five basic elements of Earth, Water, Fire, Air and Akash.

Elements and combinations of elements play an essential role in determining how we feel. For example, when Earth is in abundance, we feel solid and grounded. We feel confident. When Air is plentiful, we may feel roomy and more loving. Under conditions of stress and toxicity, the elements lose some of their purity and potency. They may then have a 'negative' effect on our feelings. A dispersed Earth element may make us feel weak and sluggish. Polluted Air can cause us to feel uncaring etc.


My Guru had over four decades of experience in helping people to purify the elements and integrate the three bodies. As a consequence, thousands of people have had the personal experience of 'strengthening' they're so called 'positive feelings' and 'thoughts'. Fasting was fundamental to his purification process. I did purifications where we didn't eat solid food for a five-day period. During this time we where provided with high quality herbs and husks, teas, vitamin C and special tonics. This process cleansed the internal organs (liver, kidney, bladder, spleen) as well as the blood and intestines. I was very much into this part because I could feel the results in my body very clearly. Those where awesome experiences. Other practices included synchronization of the brain hemispheres with the breath at dawn followed by dawn meditation. Prior to dawn meditation, a class of 'innertuning' movements and rhythmic breathing would be held. This prepared the body for the stillness of 'meditation'. There where yoga practices, visualizations and deep tone chanting.

Sometimes, emotional bodies would emerge. This was part of the purification process. Since all members where there for the same purpose, they would provide a supportive environment for each other. Purification of the causal body would purify our intentions. Interest in abstract thinking was enhanced. The desire to turn the senses inward was amplified. If everything went well, on the fourth day, purified energy from the physical and subtle body would be refined enough to penetrate the causal body.

The process of thinking itself would begin to feel clearer. Special sounds which produce surya (golden) akash were chanted. This highly refined akash pushes more dense and toxic akash out of the causal body. Consequently the breathing rate drops and participants feel free to meditate. I remember drinking a cup of coffee after a purification. It felt like a shot of chili peppers up my spine lol. My experience with my guru felt like coming home. I really thought there would be a day that I would become a yogi in some form or another. I'm laughing out loud because from my present perspective I couldn't be more of a monk. A Destonian Monk.

Guru CONclusions
Guru's had a very specific function from a 'spiritual' perspective. I'm grateful for my experience within this point. Going trough the motions of love and light and this relationship with the so called Guru. Having the luxury of a spiritual master and belonging to the spiritual elite that place themselves next too or above God. The whole concept of religion, believes and spirituality in general. It would have been much more difficult for me to grasp the Desteni message without these experiences. It also made me realize that spirituality fucks one up more than religion does. I realize that this whole Samadhi thing is a fuckup within and as the ultimate ego-trip. So from that perspective we are al Guru's blinded by the light.

Coming from the earth I would say our ascension would be to emerge from the mud to find solid ground with a solid principle of being here as self as who we are as humanity relying on equality instead of religion. That's ascension in the true sense of the word.

Study the Desteni Material and wake up the inner guru if you dare. For those who still believe we are going on a ride in a space ship. Here's my top ten ascension playlist for your mp3 player, in case you don't have a guru. A farewell to all Gurus that claim to guide you to the light. Thanks.

Two Lips/Rags & Bones Live and Cuddly 1990 (Nomeansno)

Big eyed beans from venus (Captain Beefheart)

No One Knows (Queens Of The Stone Age)

What if GOD was one of us  (Joan Osborn)

Thriller (Michael Jackson)

What have you done for me lately? (Janet Jackson)

I wear my sunglasses at night (Corey Hart)

What's another year (Johnny Logan)

Blinded by the Light (Manfred Mann)

Why Me Lord (Ray Charles Ft. Johnny Cash)