Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
3/25/2012
2012 Medipulation of the spotted mind
Job Interview
I'm having a job interview tomorrow and I'm thinking about it. Meditating on it some would say. The work, the distance, the money, my dog, time management, priorities, freedoms etc. tetc. Again I'm confronted with countless ways to disappear within my mind as thoughts I'm apparently free to think. The surge of secret thoughts that flow by and the emotions they trigger as fears.
This mindfuck that's called meditation or 'thinking about 'some-thing'. Whatever name I give this mechanism, It's never about what I am meditating on it's about what I do as meditation. Mental discipline? WTF why? It makes no sense for it will not bring forth anything more than structured thoughts. Concepts that could be applied in a structured world. My meditating is like calibrating my program to function optimal with the other programs. Meditation-callibration will get me to the point after interruption called reality until my code is 'clean' until fully functional for the system to benefit. Until that moment I will be rebooting myself time after time again like I did a billion years before. It makes no fucking sense at all.
- 'thoughts'- - ought's - out to be - electric buzzing bees.
Involvement
I used to smoke weed. That's where you puff and disappear within this sea of endless possabilities as thoughts. Floating on this ocean of electrical impulses coming from within. Like stepping of the train in amsterdam on a saturday in june. It's that surge of energy that can completely overwhelm the hereness as me breathing at the stand.
My thoughts can only move me if my body cooperates. Thoughts are valued as well. Thoughts have labels and barcodes. They are chit-chat, bullshit, a waste of time, entertainment, strategies, business concepts and moneymakers par definition. That's the way I have been meditating through life. Not looking at my thoughts but becoming them. Identifying with them. Valuing them and reacting to them. Allowing myself to become depressed by them. Fearing them. Projecting them, abusing them to abuse others.
Writing out my thoughts
Often I see myself as this warlord and my thoughts as innocent children I turn into soldiers simply because I'm allowing it to happen. As within so without. I'm permanently fucking with myself using knowledge and information to manipulate the world around me. From the moment I started to think, started to meditate I was on it. Crying like a baby became arguing for my limitations, which turned into my personality that manipulated me through 'life'. Thoughts that pray have nothing on hands that do the work to survive. The result of what I think this existence to be is completely unacceptable. Does that justify my thought that 'the way' we think is completely flawed?
I'm having a job interview tomorrow and there will be mutual interest and understanding followed by making it work.
Or not.
mikel-k restart
Labels:
beliefs,
career,
Christianity,
equal money,
equality,
fear,
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light workers,
meditation,
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spirituality,
thoughts,
work,
working
2/21/2012
2012 are your children relevant?
12 21 12, 2012, 21 december 12, dec 12 2012, dD12 21 12, 2012, 21 december 12, dec 12 2012, december 12 2011, december 12 doomsday, december 21 2012.
Irrelevant
Not so long ago someone confronted me with the word 'relevance' within a context I would never have placed it myself. In this case the word was used within the point of 'a relationship'. I wouldn't be able to crasp the concept of relevance within a relationship in the first place if I wasn't in this process of exposing myself, taking my actions back to me. To keep pushing the point of taking self responsibility for things happening in this world, in my life.
Not so long ago someone confronted me with the word 'relevance' within a context I would never have placed it myself. In this case the word was used within the point of 'a relationship'. I wouldn't be able to crasp the concept of relevance within a relationship in the first place if I wasn't in this process of exposing myself, taking my actions back to me. To keep pushing the point of taking self responsibility for things happening in this world, in my life.
I have never looked at relationships from the point of 'relevance'. Because one have to define relevance before one can use the word within the context of a relationship and I never did that within relationships. Relevance? Tell me honey is there any relevance within us being together in the first place besides good sex and being able to share the load of life together? Is love relevant? Is sex relevant? This is not how I communicated with partners generally. Though there is always relevance from 'one' point of view within relationships and that one point is always self interest. That raises the question about self interest being relevant? Which can never be or exist within a relationship from a point of equality.
This was quite a brain-cracker for me. It also created a serious mind fuck for a few weeks where I was mainly dissolving points of anger/frustration like a child that cannot grasp what is happening. It felt like standing on skates for the first time. Can I have one relevant please? Is there any relevance within our human behavior in the first place? What is relevant? You tell me?
This was quite a brain-cracker for me. It also created a serious mind fuck for a few weeks where I was mainly dissolving points of anger/frustration like a child that cannot grasp what is happening. It felt like standing on skates for the first time. Can I have one relevant please? Is there any relevance within our human behavior in the first place? What is relevant? You tell me?
Superpowers
To be able to stop participating within a 'relationship' from the point of 'relevance' as I see it, would require one to have a complete and total overview of ones actions and behavior within a relationship. Seeing cause and effect within ones own participation in past-present and the effects on the future. Utter self awareness within every breath. I couldn't grasp this from a practical perspective within sharing oneself with another person. That's ego off coarse because the only thing I have to do is place myself as that other persons point of relevance and look at it from that persons perspective. Time after time again until no longer relevant...
Relevance can only mean relevant in relation to… It must be because relevance always relates. It's 'created'. Relevance is not there in the first place. Relevance relates or evolves from and towards points, equations, formulas and principles. The more I pondered on the meaning of relevance the more frustrated I got. Relevance fucked with me for quite some time.
Unity
What's the relevance of you and me? Aren't most relationships a permanent polarity play between points of interest! Your turn, my turn and eventually our turn as a happy family. A relationship will be relevant as well as irrelevant from countless starting points. All creating cause and effect. Relevance needs to be connected 'to the points' = relevant. So one could say that no relationship is ever relevant if the parties involved are not permanently on the same page regarding their relevant points or what's the point? Is it just sex then the only relevant point is sex. Until sex is no longer relevant? Etc. etc.
Looking at my own relationships and the ones around me this point of relevance becomes quite interesting. Why do people relate? Why do people invest huge amounts of time and money into relationships? What fuels my relationships from the point of relevance? It's like looking at it upside down. Have I ever told someone within a relationship his or her 'presence' was no longer relevant? Not in those words I did. It implies I would have had self responsibility and would have been able to see all relevant points. Most of my relationships ended in spiteful, messy, shameful experiences I tried to forget which is impossible because the mind does not forget.
One could say that without the starting point of equality there is no relevance within any relationship other than self interest. Without equality all my relationships would become irrelevant sooner or later and that's not what I want them to be. What can I do?
What's relevant?
At present the whole world is fucked within this point of competition. Hair and make up. The next top model or golden voiced superstar. It's all we are told and we accept and allow our children to brainwash each other according to those examples and images we impose on them. Even if we present them the concept of equality and talk to them about relevance, what is there to expect without us as living examples of 'the principle'? We show our children that if we have it we are afraid to loose it and if we loose it we want to get it back. The perspective of our children playing this game the way we are doing I find horrifying.
It's interesting to walk trough a day looking at myself participating in the world from this point of relevance. It requires constant awareness within the fuckups I create trough irrelevant actions from moment to moment. Looking at relevance shows me that what is relevant to life = equality and I don't see any solution but an equal money system to get to that point. For me that's what makes the Desteni message relevant beyond any point of self interest or entertainment.
relevant |ˈreləvənt|
adjective
closely connected or appropriate to the matter at hand : the candidate's experience is relevant to the job.
relevance noun
relevancy |-vənsē| noun
relevantly adverb
ORIGIN early 16th cent. (as a Scots legal term meaning [legally pertinent] ): from medieval Latin relevant- ‘raising up,’ from Latin relevare.
relevant
adjective
the relevant page numbers: pertinent, applicable, apposite, material, apropos, to the point, germane; connected, related, linked.
Labels:
2012,
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10/25/2011
Looking for God? Here he is...
It used to be simple. The alarm started up my personal operating system and I got into my modus operandi. Accessing, shitting, washing, eating, work, study, falling in love, hate, anger and other social subroutines of the main program. Occasionally I got some updates to keep the programs up with the growing demand for cash. The only problem I ever had in my life was the fact I became aware of this shit going on. I saw the program kind of ran itself and how hard it was to change even the simple lines of code. Yes the problem with artificial intelligence. It’s self aware to a certain point. I could see my own programs running and kind of found that annoying. It got in the way. It itched. Stupid. Why cant I be a perfect robot. A terminator. What the fuck with this sentimental distracting shit going on.
So there must have been a programmer that want’s me to be ‘self aware’ ey? Come out where ever you are motherfucker. I often wondered about this programmer. Was it God and if so who programmed him into being? And if this programmer can program this whole existence into being why ‘on earth’ did it invent artificial intelligent semi self aware human beings? I mean if there was one question bugging me it was that one. I just had to look in the mirror and see my own limitations to know that a human being actually makes no sense at all. On top of that I have this extensive package of thoughts, emotions and feelings that only make it harder for me to live in this ridiculous and absurd existence. I mean why give humans emotions if it only fucks ‘m up? I would feel much better as a battle tank right know.
Unless... the programmer did this on purpose. It had to be otherwise it wouldn't be. I mean ‘God’ is perfect and has a purpose for everything in existence so there must be a reason for his fuzzy logic'. Why, pain, suffering, hate, greed, love, loss, pleasure, anger, etc? All straightforward simple programs. I fall-it hurts. I kill-you die. I torture you suffer. I love you're fucked. But why? It’s simple. -way to simple-.
It makes no sense unless it all has a purpose doesn't it. The programmer must have wanted it to be like this otherwise it wouldn’t be like this. Or the programmer is a sadist fucker that likes to play around with existence and us in it. Or both. Could be. I mean I’m created in the image and likeness of God. I’m one of his children roaming this earth and as a child I often was a sadist fucker poking my stick around an ants nest to stir society up a little. Thanks for teaching me dad. How to bring some disaster down from the heavens to keep the anties occupied? Just call me! O how they gave there best to restore order in the chaos I so lovingly created. They disposed the dead bodies. Restored structures. Sheltered the babies and got the food to a safe place. Not aware of the fact that it was me that only had to move the tip of my finger to create the same disaster all over again. Yes I was that powerful. Whole families where destroyed just by moving my fingertip. Not one of them ever walked away. They all stuck together and kept doing the same shit over and over again. What a bunch of stupid insects. Free choice and they all choose to suffer together instead of changing what they are. This useless rebuilding of the same concept because there is no other concept. All ants lost in this energetic buss that has everyone occupied. Yes it’s maybe one for all and all for one. But don’t forget there is still me. Haha. The man from the sky with the stick that pokes around. What a great example of togetherness they are. Who’s your daddy?
The strange thing is though. I grew up to become an ant. An ant in the nest. I am an ant in the nest. After the alarm I occupy the space that’s reserved for me in the nest. Working, fighting doing what needs to be done to feed the clan even if it means I have to fight wars with other ant nests. I found this quite disturbing I must say. About a year ago I decided to take a walk outside the nest and for the first time in my life I looked up and saw myself sitting there with a stick in my hand and a grin on my face. The nest never felt the same again. I never felt the same again. The other ants looked different talked different. I’m an ant that knows there is a boy with a stick and that boy is me. I’ve got to forgive that boy with the stick and get him out of my life as soon as possible. Than I have to show the other ants what happened to me so they can see. The ants must change into... Whatever we change into as long as we do it all ants equal and one. If you are an ant out there know that there is more of you. You are not alone. I'm here for starters and I know some more ants that have a few stories to tell for themselves.
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