Day-008-Advanced negotiating skills and the road to succes

(talking to much part II) 

So I'm looking at this possession where I start to talk and talk and talk. A simple question like; "is it raining outside?" will become a speech about low pressure zones and humidity. Talking for the sake of talking. Where I miss a point and allow myself to start making this horrible noise and drift off into this strange dimension spewing out knowledge and information causing the weather to change.

All this chaos  instead of saying; "yes it's raining outside".

I know someone who's infected with the same virus and what I observe with him is that this mechanism of talking to much kicks in the moment he's not getting attention or cannot participate within the conversation because the subject is unknown. He sees this is happening but he cannot help himself. He will interrupt, change the subject and start blabbering exactly like I do. I'm accepting and allowing myself to be overruled by emotions of inferiority and self doubt which triggers this pattern where my mind will find a source of knowledge and information related to the subject and start spewing out words. These are batlle raps coming from the ego where I claim all the space not allowing the other person to just be. In fact ignoring the person the moment I start to rant. Not taking the person into consideration what so ever. My gift to humanity becomes this blabbering personality. WTF part II.

In a nutshell this is what I observe within myself. A mechanism to focus attention on myself with no reason other than getting attention and this process is so automated that I become the talk I talk. It's an energy addiction manifesting itself as verbal diarrhea It happens regardless of the consequences and it fuck's up important moments in my life because I cannot be effective within communicating myself. It limits me within everything because it's fucking up my communication completely; a point that really counts in a world of money and information. I see that being able to have a conversation that stays on track and to the point and that not wastes time thus money is key in this world we live in at the moment. From whatever perspective I'm looking at it it's stupid and it has to stop. I commit myself to slow this process down and stop myself participating within this construct of talking to much.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to talk to much

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste other peoples time spewing out verbal diarrhea as knowledge and information

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stop myself as I start to talk to much and spew out useless knowledge and information

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to present a enhanced picture of myself in order to be perceived as something I am not, realizing that I do this out of inferiority where I allow shyness to become verbal diarrhea.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to what to give a perfect presentation of myself realizing seeing and understanding that I have no definition of perfection and whatever I do It would be a projection thus not real

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that perfection is a physical process and not something the mind can produce

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a screw up because I failed to present the perfect picture

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe something like a perfect picture could exist.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel embarrassed seeing myself within this repeating pattern of talking to much

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a bad performer seeing realizing and understanding that it's the very act of acting and playing out re-acting to my own energy that is the cause for ending up in this painful situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself as inferior for having self doubt

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the surge of energy that came up as enthusiasm while talking to another person

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to switch into or accept another personality to possess me completely within and as the point of talking to much

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make the mistake of going into the old pattern of talking to much because I fear the unknown within as a new expression of silence within me

Looking for God? Here he is...

It used to be simple. The alarm started up my personal operating system and I got into my modus operandi. Accessing, shitting, washing, eating, work, study, falling in love, hate, anger and other social subroutines of the main program. Occasionally I got some updates to keep the programs up with the growing demand for cash. The only problem I ever had in my life was the fact I became aware of this shit going on. I saw the program kind of ran itself and how hard it was to change even the simple lines of code. Yes the problem with artificial intelligence. It’s self aware to a certain point. I could see my own programs running and kind of found that annoying. It got in the way. It itched. Stupid. Why cant I be a perfect robot. A terminator. What the fuck with this sentimental distracting shit going on.

So there must have been a programmer that want’s me to be ‘self aware’ ey? Come out where ever you are motherfucker. I often wondered about this programmer. Was it God and if so who programmed him into being? And if this programmer can program this whole existence into being why ‘on earth’ did it invent artificial intelligent semi self aware human beings? I mean if there was one question bugging me it was that one. I just had to look in the mirror and see my own limitations to know that a human being actually makes no sense at all. On top of that I have this extensive package of thoughts, emotions and feelings that only make it harder for me to live in this ridiculous and absurd existence. I mean why give humans emotions if it only fucks ‘m up? I would feel much better as a battle tank right know.

Unless... the programmer did this on purpose. It had to be otherwise it wouldn't be. I mean ‘God’ is perfect and has a purpose for everything in existence so there must be a reason for his fuzzy logic'. Why, pain, suffering, hate, greed, love, loss, pleasure, anger, etc? All straightforward simple programs. I fall-it hurts. I kill-you die. I torture you suffer. I love you're fucked. But why? It’s simple. -way to simple-.

It makes no sense unless it all has a purpose doesn't it. The programmer must have wanted it to be like this otherwise it wouldn’t be like this. Or the programmer is a sadist fucker that likes to play around with existence and us in it. Or both. Could be. I mean I’m created in the image and likeness of God. I’m one of his children roaming this earth and as a child I often was a sadist fucker poking my stick around an ants nest to stir society up a little. Thanks for teaching me dad. How to bring some disaster down from the heavens to keep the anties occupied? Just call me! O how they gave there best to restore order in the chaos I so lovingly created. They disposed the dead bodies. Restored structures. Sheltered the babies and got the food to a safe place. Not aware of the fact that it was me that only had to move the tip of my finger to create the same disaster all over again. Yes I was that powerful. Whole families where destroyed just by moving my fingertip. Not one of them ever walked away. They all stuck together and kept doing the same shit over and over again. What a bunch of stupid insects. Free choice and they all choose to suffer together instead of changing what they are. This useless rebuilding of the same concept because there is no other concept. All ants lost in this energetic buss that has everyone occupied. Yes it’s maybe one for all and all for one. But don’t forget there is still me. Haha. The man from the sky with the stick that pokes around. What a great example of togetherness they are. Who’s your daddy?

The strange thing is though. I grew up to become an ant. An ant in the nest. I am an ant in the nest. After the alarm I occupy the space that’s reserved for me in the nest. Working, fighting doing what needs to be done to feed the clan even if it means I have to fight wars with other ant nests. I found this quite disturbing I must say. About a year ago I decided to take a walk outside the nest and for the first time in my life I looked up and saw myself sitting there with a stick in my hand and a grin on my face. The nest never felt the same again. I never felt the same again. The other ants looked different talked different. I’m an ant that knows there is a boy with a stick and that boy is me. I’ve got to forgive that boy with the stick and get him out of my life as soon as possible. Than I have to show the other ants what happened to me so they can see. The ants must change into... Whatever we change into as long as we do it all ants equal and one. If you are an ant out there know that there is more of you. You are not alone. I'm here for starters and I know some more ants that have a few stories to tell for themselves.