(talking to much part II)
So I'm looking at this possession where I start to talk and talk and talk. A simple question like; "is it raining outside?" will become a speech about low pressure zones and humidity. Talking for the sake of talking. Where I miss a point and allow myself to start making this horrible noise and drift off into this strange dimension spewing out knowledge and information causing the weather to change.
All this chaos instead of saying; "yes it's raining outside".
I know someone who's infected with the same virus and what I observe with him is that this mechanism of talking to much kicks in the moment he's not getting attention or cannot participate within the conversation because the subject is unknown. He sees this is happening but he cannot help himself. He will interrupt, change the subject and start blabbering exactly like I do. I'm accepting and allowing myself to be overruled by emotions of inferiority and self doubt which triggers this pattern where my mind will find a source of knowledge and information related to the subject and start spewing out words. These are batlle raps coming from the ego where I claim all the space not allowing the other person to just be. In fact ignoring the person the moment I start to rant. Not taking the person into consideration what so ever. My gift to humanity becomes this blabbering personality. WTF part II.
In a nutshell this is what I observe within myself. A mechanism to focus attention on myself with no reason other than getting attention and this process is so automated that I become the talk I talk. It's an energy addiction manifesting itself as verbal diarrhea It happens regardless of the consequences and it fuck's up important moments in my life because I cannot be effective within communicating myself. It limits me within everything because it's fucking up my communication completely; a point that really counts in a world of money and information. I see that being able to have a conversation that stays on track and to the point and that not wastes time thus money is key in this world we live in at the moment. From whatever perspective I'm looking at it it's stupid and it has to stop. I commit myself to slow this process down and stop myself participating within this construct of talking to much.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to talk to much
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste other peoples time spewing out verbal diarrhea as knowledge and information
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stop myself as I start to talk to much and spew out useless knowledge and information
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to present a enhanced picture of myself in order to be perceived as something I am not, realizing that I do this out of inferiority where I allow shyness to become verbal diarrhea.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to what to give a perfect presentation of myself realizing seeing and understanding that I have no definition of perfection and whatever I do It would be a projection thus not real
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that perfection is a physical process and not something the mind can produce
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a screw up because I failed to present the perfect picture
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe something like a perfect picture could exist.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel embarrassed seeing myself within this repeating pattern of talking to much
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a bad performer seeing realizing and understanding that it's the very act of acting and playing out re-acting to my own energy that is the cause for ending up in this painful situation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself as inferior for having self doubt
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the surge of energy that came up as enthusiasm while talking to another person
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to switch into or accept another personality to possess me completely within and as the point of talking to much
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make the mistake of going into the old pattern of talking to much because I fear the unknown within as a new expression of silence within me
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