Day-006-Who am I within the word stability?

I'm having great difficulty picking myself up and then move myself towards self honest self reflection. It wasn't always like that. So is it because I start to see the true nature of who I am as ego within self reflection. Is it because I see that self reflection is not some spiritual trip but factual physical labour without any soothing or comforting elements. That self reflection in the true sense of the word means taking self responsibility for everything I have created which is an overwhelming realisation to begin with. There is no ego satisfaction within self honesty thus everything as self support now meets resistance as ego. It's the unknown for me as real physical resistance. I don't feel stable anymore because I see that stability as being able to believe I am is not real. Stability in my world is about money.

Does stability exist or is it a concept? How have I defined stability? Who am I within the word stability? The same goes for what is happening in my life. Have I defined stability as being in control? Where can stability be found? How do I create stability? 'Stability' I cannot find a better definition than 'money'. In my life in this world 'stability' equals money and because some have more than others there will never be stability thus I will never know real stability unless all are stable within the point of money. Do I want all to be stable? Yes. That's why I commit myself to an equal money system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future within and as financial instability

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future within the point of being self responsible for making my own money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future within the realization I have to walk alone within the point of money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking self responsibility for my financial future

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not voice my fears about money in self honesty instead ridiculing them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not look at my fears in specificity and the places they originate from.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not investigate my fears instead suppressing and/or ridiculing them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be self honest about my fears

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear getting sick as a consequence of suppressing fear within and as stress

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being unable to work because of being sick

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/act as more than the physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown that will emerge after I let go of what I have defined myself as that is of ego

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear death as the deconstruction of my personality as my accepted believes, emotions and feelings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the change taking place within standing up and moving myself as physical action to change my own creation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear reactions towards me as I change myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my relationships will change as I change

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear looking within myself and this reality from a self honest perspective as my own creation as reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the point of taking self responsibility for what
I see as my own creation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as cold and without humbleness realizing seeing and understanding that this humbleness has to be reconstructed after I deconstruct the coping mechanism I experience as apathy within myself and this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that wanting to be more than the physical as the mind can only happen within the mind and thus can never be real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the concept of mind over matter seeing realizing and understanding that matter only change through words lived as physical action

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take physical action when seeing points I can change instantly by simply doing them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see and approach writing myself out as an obligation instead of a gift to self

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that seeing points to face within daily life have something to do with intellect or being smart

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that being able to apply common sense is some sort of special talent

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as stupid, not smart, dumb, and thus do not deserve to be part of the group seeing, realizing that this is self sabotage because it's within physical action where I define myself as someone who is walking with the pack or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give to me the gift of writing myself out as a daily physical action where I confront myself with resistance in order to push trough the resistance

I see realize and understand that this is a process of action followed by action and the less 'mind' is involved the faster I will be able to walk my steps towards birthing myself as life

I commit myself to stay focussed on pushing myself towards more physical action within the point of not waisting time and being efficient

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge points within reality as small or insignificant seeing realizing and understanding that nothing is too small or insignificant if I include all and thus what is best for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore physical signs of stress as pain within my body

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself or my actions as stupid or insignificant

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into distractions of the mind and within that not giving myself the one and only solution which is physical action as not accepting and allowing myself to give into distraction and fucking write myself out whatever mambo jambo it will be

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear looking at all of reality which includes my fears and uncertainties

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility for every aspect of my daily reality and to think I'm incapable of directing my life and overcoming my fears