Job Interview
I'm having a job interview tomorrow and I'm thinking about it. Meditating on it some would say. The work, the distance, the money, my dog, time management, priorities, freedoms etc. tetc. Again I'm confronted with countless ways to disappear within my mind as thoughts I'm apparently free to think. The surge of secret thoughts that flow by and the emotions they trigger as fears.
This mindfuck that's called meditation or 'thinking about 'some-thing'. Whatever name I give this mechanism, It's never about what I am meditating on it's about what I do as meditation. Mental discipline? WTF why? It makes no sense for it will not bring forth anything more than structured thoughts. Concepts that could be applied in a structured world. My meditating is like calibrating my program to function optimal with the other programs. Meditation-callibration will get me to the point after interruption called reality until my code is 'clean' until fully functional for the system to benefit. Until that moment I will be rebooting myself time after time again like I did a billion years before. It makes no fucking sense at all.
- 'thoughts'- - ought's - out to be - electric buzzing bees.
Involvement
I used to smoke weed. That's where you puff and disappear within this sea of endless possabilities as thoughts. Floating on this ocean of electrical impulses coming from within. Like stepping of the train in amsterdam on a saturday in june. It's that surge of energy that can completely overwhelm the hereness as me breathing at the stand.
My thoughts can only move me if my body cooperates. Thoughts are valued as well. Thoughts have labels and barcodes. They are chit-chat, bullshit, a waste of time, entertainment, strategies, business concepts and moneymakers par definition. That's the way I have been meditating through life. Not looking at my thoughts but becoming them. Identifying with them. Valuing them and reacting to them. Allowing myself to become depressed by them. Fearing them. Projecting them, abusing them to abuse others.
Writing out my thoughts
Often I see myself as this warlord and my thoughts as innocent children I turn into soldiers simply because I'm allowing it to happen. As within so without. I'm permanently fucking with myself using knowledge and information to manipulate the world around me. From the moment I started to think, started to meditate I was on it. Crying like a baby became arguing for my limitations, which turned into my personality that manipulated me through 'life'. Thoughts that pray have nothing on hands that do the work to survive. The result of what I think this existence to be is completely unacceptable. Does that justify my thought that 'the way' we think is completely flawed?
I'm having a job interview tomorrow and there will be mutual interest and understanding followed by making it work.
Or not.
mikel-k restart
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