Day-012-I do perceive here a divided duty. Othello. ACT I Scene 3

The moment I finish my coffee I see the character that is my private self take a deep breath and leave the house to enter the world stage. Often that deep breath is my private character (the one I'm most comfortable with) realizing it has a few hours ahead to play as another character. And so my days are filled with acting out scripts that my mind as the director presents me with. I realize there is no self direction what so ever. Every scene I play is coming from the main character I call me. Where I hear myself say sorry that's typically me or I'm sorry that's how I am. Moments of total integration with the main character. A being in character.

In acting school they have a name for it called method acting. Becoming the character. What does that make me before I go into character, before another character? Where does it end? Is there a me or is it simply my mind presenting me with countless scripts and storyboards to choose from on a stage where I interact with billions of other actors?

From where or what do I go into character? If I'm not in character then what am I and where am I? It's a very cool point to look at because looking out into my world I see only projections of the characters I'm creating as reactions. My days are like a chain of improvisational sketches with the occasional passages I did memorize as I play 'the professional'. Within this I realize that growing up is ACTually going to acting school and working was the first serious role I played. I play the role of the father, lover, devil, demon, looser, etc. Played them all. My whole life is one big role playing game without ever realizing I was doing it. Totally forgot/suppressed what it is like to experience being here as breath without a script. What it is like to not re-act but to take action. The simplicity of walking by placing one foot after the other.

Isn't it completely absurd to look around and see that I'm only fucking acting out without ever realizing that this is not life. That I'm busy playing out predetermined scripts. I created so many characters I lost count a long the way and now I'm lost in wonderland talking to a rabbit.

I find myself lying on the couch as this lost character talking to a another character that plays the shrink. It's about time I start asking myself if all this acting I do is actually bringing forth something that is best for all? Can I ask myself? because that's like asking the director to give me another role to play.

Where do I start? How do I get to that point where I stop writing characters from the same alphabet to create scripts that have already been played by my other act-ore's a billion times? When do I act accordingly? Do I realize that nothing I do is act-u-all original in anyway? This realization for example is coming from me the character playing the observer. There is no realness here, I'm pixelated, recorded, projected and lost in the script presented by the internet at this very moment.


"I have to stop my thoughts" - character - it's a character because "I HAVE to stop MY thoughts" - then there's an I and a My and a "have to" - in this character, does one then ever really stop thoughts? The difference between character and Here, is a doing/living action in the moment, so whenever there is a statement instead of immediate application: you're creating a character" -


Sunette Spies


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge all and everything as real not seeing realizing and understanding that all I see is characters forming words that make up the scripts that define the actors that live up and play to generate the pixels of reality where I'am lost within the play as the characters I play with.

I commit myself to observe myself as the characters I play in order to identify my ACTions to stop acting and become real as breath to remain here as breath and forgive myself for the creation of characters that cause physical harm as my projections of and as reality.

Links:
Breaking Character by Jozien Fokkert
Here

Personality suits by Heath Ledger
Part 1
Part 2

My life as a character by Maya Harel
Here

Stepping out of Character by Bernard Poolman
Here

2012 are your children relevant?

12 21 12, 2012, 21 december 12, dec 12 2012, dD12 21 12, 2012, 21 december 12, dec 12 2012, december 12 2011, december 12 doomsday, december 21 2012.

Irrelevant 
Not so long ago someone confronted me with the word 'relevance' within a context I would never have placed it myself. In this case the word was used within the point of 'a relationship'. I wouldn't be able to crasp the concept of relevance within a relationship in the first place if I wasn't in this process of exposing myself, taking my actions back to me. To keep pushing the point of taking self responsibility for things happening in this world, in my life. 

I have never looked at relationships from the point of 'relevance'. Because one have to define relevance before one can use the word within the context of a relationship and I never did that within relationships. Relevance? Tell me honey is there any relevance within us being together in the first place besides good sex and being able to share the load of life together? Is love relevant? Is sex relevant? This is not how I communicated with partners generally. Though there is always relevance from 'one' point of view within relationships and that one point is always self interest. That raises the question about  self interest being relevant? Which can never be or exist within a relationship from a point of equality.

This was quite a brain-cracker for me. It also created a serious mind fuck for a few weeks where I was mainly dissolving points of anger/frustration like a child that cannot grasp what is happening. It felt like standing on skates for the first time. Can I have one relevant please? Is there any relevance within our human behavior in the first place? What is relevant? You tell me? 

Superpowers
To be able to stop participating within a 'relationship' from the point of 'relevance' as I see it, would require one to have a complete and total overview of ones actions and behavior within a relationship. Seeing cause and effect within ones own participation in past-present and the effects on the future. Utter self awareness within every breath. I couldn't grasp this from a practical perspective within sharing oneself with another person. That's ego off coarse because the only thing I have to do is place myself as that other persons point of relevance and look at it from that persons perspective. Time after time again until no longer relevant...

Relevance can only mean relevant in relation to… It must be because relevance always relates. It's 'created'. Relevance is not there in the first place. Relevance relates or evolves from and towards points, equations, formulas and principles. The more I pondered on the meaning of relevance the more frustrated I got. Relevance fucked with me for quite some time.

Unity
What's the relevance of you and me? Aren't most relationships a permanent polarity play between points of interest! Your turn, my turn and eventually our turn as a happy family. A relationship will be relevant as well as irrelevant from countless starting points. All creating cause and effect. Relevance needs to be connected 'to the points' = relevant. So one could say that no relationship is ever relevant if the parties involved are not permanently on the same page regarding their relevant points or what's the point? Is it just sex then the only relevant point is sex. Until sex is no longer relevant? Etc. etc.

Looking at my own relationships and the ones around me this point of relevance becomes quite interesting. Why do people relate? Why do people invest huge amounts of time and money into relationships? What fuels my relationships from the point of relevance? It's like looking at it upside down. Have I ever told someone within a relationship his or her 'presence' was no longer relevant? Not in those words I did. It implies I would have had self responsibility and would have been able to see all relevant points. Most of my relationships ended in spiteful, messy, shameful experiences I tried to forget which is impossible because the mind does not forget.

One could say that without the starting point of equality there is no relevance within any relationship other than self interest. Without equality all my relationships would become irrelevant sooner or later and that's not what I want them to be. What can I do?

What's relevant?
At present the whole world is fucked within this point of competition. Hair and make up. The next top model or golden voiced superstar. It's all we are told and we accept and allow our children to brainwash each other according to those examples and images we impose on them. Even if we present them the concept of equality and talk to them about relevance, what is there to expect without us as living examples of 'the principle'? We show our children that if we have it we are afraid to loose it and if we loose it we want to get it back. The perspective of our children playing this game the way we are doing I find horrifying.

It's interesting to walk trough a day looking at myself participating in the world from this point of relevance. It requires constant awareness within the fuckups I create trough irrelevant actions from moment to moment. Looking at relevance shows me that what is relevant to life = equality and I don't see any solution but an equal money system to get to that point. For me that's what makes the Desteni message relevant beyond any point of self interest or entertainment.

relevant |ˈreləvənt|

adjective

closely connected or appropriate to the matter at hand : the candidate's experience is relevant to the job.

relevance noun

relevancy |-vənsē| noun

relevantly adverb

ORIGIN early 16th cent. (as a Scots legal term meaning [legally pertinent] ): from medieval Latin relevant- ‘raising up,’ from Latin relevare.

relevant

adjective

the relevant page numbers: pertinent, applicable, apposite, material, apropos, to the point, germane; connected, related, linked.