Day-009-Can I have some privacy?

At home realizing that although I'm alone I'm also part of a group and within that I see myself in my kitchen alone 'wanting/claiming/having my privacy'. I'm walking trough the house naked wondering what I would do if I would not be alone right now?

Would I behave differently? Would I take on a different personality. From that perspective what is 'privacy' more than claiming a space for myself away/separated from 'the rest'? An exclusive form of separation by creating the luxury article of privacy for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act like a junkie thinking I can escape the horrors of reality by having a moment for myself, a moment of privacy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that there is no escape from reality within and as privacy, seeing realizing and understanding that there is no privacy within birth, illness and death thus my privacy is my participation within and projection of me unto this world as the creator of privacy as separation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that by living privacy I separate myself from the rest as a private not sharing myself my emotions, feelings, insights and realizations thus excluding/separating myself from the rest by wanting more than others as privacy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize see and understand that when I claim/occupy a (private) space I take space instead of give space.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my feelings of shame, frustration, anger and guilt for not living the realization that keeping something for myself as privacy is steeling from the rest and within that context I see I have never given as I would have liked to receive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sorry for myself when others got something and I did not, realizing and understanding that I have never given the way I would have liked to receive because I always wanted my own private part within and as victory, to 'take' the win no matter what by manipulating everything and everyone within and as my kingdom of privacy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on private personalities within and as privacy realizing seeing and understanding that by doing so I allow myself to create multiple separated personalities as different levels of privacy I project unto or believe to exist within this world and by doing so create points of separation between myself and reality as these private personalities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing privacy to exist within and as me, becoming the dictator of my own privacy as the creator of separation within this world as the gap between those that can build walls to separate themselves from those unable to escape the horrors of daily reality within this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have the right to privacy as the right to not be disturbed, not seeing realizing and understanding that it is me as my mind that is wanting the exclusive right to manipulate me within the seclusion of my privacy, seeing and understanding that within this point 'my' privacy becomes my own bribery.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that within the point of privacy I have the right to do what I want when I want it, seeing realizing and understanding that what I allow to happen is a full on ego-trip at the cost of others where I choose to replace reality with 'my privacy'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see realize and understand that the concept of privacy is an addiction to self interest where I choose to distract myself and avoid the rawness of me within and as the creator of privacy as separation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that no matter how high I build the walls of privacy around me, the certainty of reality will always be on the other side showing me how I separated myself within and as privacy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to escape reality and seclude myself within and as privacy where I claim the right for me to see only as I want at the cost of all others. Lost within an ego-trip where I can see and do all things my way.

I commit myself to correct myself within these moments of self defeat and stop whining about my right to privacy seeing, realizing and understanding that it's me wanting to close my eyes and not take responsibility for what I have created in this world through participating within privacy.

I commit myself to investigate, identify, expose within and as myself the constructs of privacy where I accept and allow myself to go private, seeing realizing and understanding that through exposing my points of privacy I expose within me the points of not taking self responsibility for the fact I am part of a group.

2012 Am I a symbol of exclusiveness?

In holland when a boy and a girl decide to 'go steady' they often state: 

"het is aan" (it's on). 

It's like both decide that the product is 'branded' good enough to be marketed and sold to the public. Growing up this 'being on' became 'I am in a relationship'. Within that the people around me would then ask if I was 'going steady?'. In other words, do you fuck around or not? Either way it shows we have a hard time determining what a relationship is in the first place. It ranges from 'we are madly in love' to 'being fuck buddies to 'we fuck each other up'. Whatever name we give this dependency upon being with someone, It clearly needs to have a label! People apparently need to be able to tell other people what sex symbol it is I am involved inn.

In this world based on pictures as labels you produce a code for everything you do and are involved inn. And because we spend most of our time with other people that's where the most labels are printed. I am alone, homosexual, active inactive, related unrelated, heterosexual, married within an open relationship able to fuck around or as Facebook states "it's complicated". 

If the above is true or false doesn't even matter. Fore all I know I could be secretly spanking elderly women in my basement. If I confirm to the archetype picture of being financially stable and in a steady relationship preferable with a beautiful 'intelligent' woman, everything around me will become kind of fluid and mellow. Is that how it's supposed to be? Is this where we 'think' we feel most comfortable. Is that how it's supposed to be? Looking at the animals it makes perfect sense.

I have been in and out relationships enough to know what happens as we go through the phases. Very soon after entering the initial stages I will stop questioning the world around me for the larger part. Who benefits from the fact I do this? Why is it that most women suddenly have a child wish? Why do men fear this? Why is it that relationships are often labeled as 'hard work' and 'compromise'. That you have to endure and to give and take. Be solid as a rock, celebrating 25 years of marriage. Why do I have to congratulate people with 25 years of marriage? Did they sacrifice a lim to the gods or something? What is it they did I have to salute? They got married and it was their own choice to voluntarily do so in the first place. Do I send my best wishes to Apple after they successfully merge with Microsoft? What the fuck am I missing?

Isn't it strange? Placing myself completely outside this turmoil and the first thing I notice is loneliness! Like being in a spaceship cirkling the globe. In my life the moment I was not in a relationship my mind would start projecting the perspective of being in one instantaneous. So are relationships addictions? Do I ad myself on to some thing. Am I the ad on.

I can distract myself from this point with other substance like drugs or sports or whatever habit would distract me from my secret mind that is constantly urging me to look at and react to every fuckable person I see. This will not resolve itself. I have accepted and allowed myself to become part of the big pool of sex and relationships in this world. 

Amongst other things I was talking about this stuff with someone and within this conversation the person related to her situation where she wanted to be 'exclusive' with a person. For me this was just another way of her saying she wanted to 'go steady' with whatever exclusive fuck it may be. The word exclusive didn't hit me until later as I started to ponder on it. Why not call it 'a lover', 'a fucker', 'a buddy? Why ask a person to be 'exclusive'? Why do I want a person to be exclusive?

exclusive |ikˈskloōsiv|

adjective

1 excluding or not admitting other things : my exclusive focus is on San Antonio issues.

• unable to exist or be true if something else exists or is true : these approaches are not exclusive; many students will combine them | mutually exclusive political views.

• (of terms) excluding all but what is specified.

2 restricted or limited to the person, group, or area concerned : the couple had exclusive possession of the condo | the jaguar and puma are exclusive to the New World.

• (of an item or story) not published or broadcast elsewhere : an exclusive interview.

• (of a commodity) not obtainable elsewhere : exclusive designer jewelry.

3 catering or available to only a few, select persons; high class and expensive : an exclusive Georgetown neighborhood.

4 [ predic. ] ( exclusive of) not including; excepting : prices are exclusive of tax and delivery.

noun

an item or story published or broadcast by only one source.

DERIVATIVES

exclusiveness noun

exclusivity |ˌekskloōˈsivitē| noun

ORIGIN late 15th cent. (as a noun denoting something that excludes or causes exclusion): from medieval Latin exclusivus, from Latin excludere ‘shut out’ (see exclude ).

Fascinating

My professional background is advertising and marketing so for me the word 'exclusive' is connected to value. From my perspective more exclusive means more expensive. In business exclusivity agreements strengthen certain business relationships at the exclusion of others. Frequently a company that's strong in its sector will contract with a crucial part of its supply chain, or team up with a powerful player in another market, to create dominance within a certain territory. In any event, exclusivity agreements help the predators establish a 'territory' and kill more prey. It's the capitalists playing nice with the system. The same system where it's very convenient for 'the exclusive' that the masses behave like wildebeest in  a herd. Let's look at this from a few business models/perspectives as in relationships. First up there is:

Identification

An exclusivity agreement as a contract between two or more entities to exclusively deal with each other regarding a specific area of business. It usually doesn't establish a relationship between two businesses, but rather takes it to the next level of commitment. An exclusivity agreement can also exist between two people in regard to some sort of business intercourse they will share together.

Features

The essential feature of an exclusivity agreement is the covenant to not engage in a particular business activity with other parties for a specified period of time. The agreement usually restricts only one of the parties. This typically occurs in vertical buyer/seller relationship where a buyer agrees to buy exclusively from the seller. Or a manufacturer could agree to ship its products through only a certain distributor. Less common is the bilateral agreement that puts conditions on both parties.

Types

In addition to buyer/seller relationships, exclusivity agreements sometimes come into play during business acquisitions. Because there can be heated competition and competing bids for a company, an acquiring company that makes progress in negotiations can have its target sign an exclusivity agreement preventing it from entertaining other offers from competitors. Individuals may enter into an exclusivity agreement when they agree to list their house exclusively with a real estate agency.

Function

Exclusivity agreements create stability in a business relationship, which in turn provides predictability. The ability to foresee future costs and project business relationships is crucial to operating a large company. An exclusivity agreement shuts out competition, which tends to let costs stabilize and allows for a confident and efficient allocation of noncapital resources.

Considerations

Within an exclusivity agreement there may be other terms, such as confidentiality, access to relevant data and conditions for termination. Once two businesses get in bed together, they may become privy to information about each other that could be valuable to the competition. But, at the same time, a certain level of cooperation might be necessary to maximize the synergy of the two companies. The exclusivity agreement can be tailored to the needs of the moment as well as future inevitabilities. Sometimes the agreement can be broken at any time, but with a penalty. In other cases it might be periodically renegotiated, or terminated upon certain conditions.

This is how I see where this is going. It will be business as usual unless I make my starting point one and equal within what is best for all. The practical point to walk would be an equality agreement within an unequal reality. Which is impossible. So at this point in space and time within a 'relationship' it would require two people to live two lives in space and time. One would be equal with one another. The other would require a definition and a spot where one would walk within the territory of predators in complete separation. 

From all these perspectives and my experiences from the past I can only keep reminding myself to see reality as all of us struggling to be exclusive within standard fucknesslessness.