Day-015-Branding a Jack in the box

This is a follow up to:
Day-014-Mad Mike as 'the adrenaline Junkie'
Day-013-My Adrenaline Junkie character

There is a scene in a movie called 'Tropic Thunder' where actor Robert Downey Jr. plays an actor playing an actor with a blown ego that says "I don't read the script, the script reads me". That says it all. Eventually my ego becomes so big it will become the script. I become the script without being aware of it. Looking back it's that point I see. It's my experience of myself in 'life'. What the fuck am I doing? Why am I doing this? Why am I thinking this? Why did I say that? Why did I do that? Not realizing that every question was a character I created. Perfect inception as deception within a near perfect maze.

When I become insecure or make a mistake I use my family of characters to express that state. My pack in uniform. A macho fight club called 'la resistance. Within that I'm mostly expressing some sort of physical confidence, a stance. This explains for example why within a group my fears of not being understood or not being acknowledged, lead to me becoming this ranting lunatic that cant sit still.

I'm starting to see this pattern and I see it exists all around me were we engage with people and start by asking what it is they do? Meaning, what kind of work or activity they do. The safest opening sentence apart from remarking on the weather. So this is where I Make my debut, my first impression, going on stage now. Damn they better remember me. So, OK, let's get in character and kick ass.

Someone told me as she was sitting on a terrace, when asked the question 'what it was she did,' she answered; "I'm sitting here". Which was exactly what she was doing – A straight answer. The guy asking the question was not entertained. Is that because we expect people to come a long? Be on our side and entertained? Within these few words spoken it's obvious that there is seldom common ground. There is also the hidden 'fuck off.'

Most people don't expect the unexpected. Although it can be hilariously funny (as seen above). Confrontations like that forced me to take a look at myself within and as the words that I speak. Where do I come from? What are my intentions? Why am I here? Within there 'lies' the confrontation thus friction with reality. Is it a point we all are trained to unsuccessfully avoid by finding those matching characters when we go 'public'? It's a point I have struggled with all my life and it brings me back to the point of 'success', of being a successful 'operator'.

I don't experience myself successful socially and within relationships. It came as a big shock when I realized how important psychology, social behavior, good manners and vocabulary are within the system. How closely they are linked with money, success and power. Within that was the shock of realizing that it's much harder to get to that level of discipline required to be successful than it is to be noisy and reactive — because nearly everyone is that and only a few are successful.

I had that choice and I choose to go 'full retard'. I took onboard the giving up character and it had an easy job coaching the adrenaline junkie. The adrenaline Junkie character is my disguise to hide the family tree of characters that make him up. I did not allow myself to see realize and understand that success and failure are the same thing. It's not that things do not go wrong. It's the way successful beings deal with it. It's in their blood to be patient and not become emotional. You take the blow, pick up the pieces and try again. I made it my specialty to create pieces and then sit back and look at them weeping in self pity. So let me look at how I made success the stone around my neck.

The closer my scripts are to the scriptures of success in this world the more effective I will be in claiming a piece of the pie. Adaptability as an actor that became the script that now reads the actor. Thus taking total controls of the p/act. Charisma is turned into brand value that buys more exposure and thus a higher ranking inside the pact of (successful) actors. Within this I see/realize that as I create characters, the more I participate the more inception the more I get lost in my own crowd of characters.

I can see why I scare people away. I'm mainly a Jack in the box character, a noisy daredevil. Daredevils do not project stability and thus will not attract stability. Daredevils are interesting eye candy. Fire works to look at from a distance. They are not a potential partner/friend to have close (unless you are a daredevil, outcast, porn-star yourself). Within the matrix Girls are always very curious about daredevils, the so called 'wrong men'. The ones that will hurt you eventually. Boys are also fascinated by daredevils until they realize that being 'close' to one means they are expected to jump of the cliff as well. Daredevils are entertaining but eventually it's done and the daredevil leaves the stage like a worn out gladiator (the pathetic character).

I have entertained a few audiences. There was me as the one without a clue versus the overconfident. These two sets of characters would permanently switch places like a superhero syndrome. People who 'know' me say I'm full of contradictions. I say yes, who is not? And as I'm walking this process I start to see that I'm full of shit as far as....

So, if I had something to say I would say it. I had that blind spot all my life where I just express myself and blabber uncontrollably and within that there is no consideration for other beings. That's the Jack in the box experience for most people. I have lived with this experience of being in the wrong place at the wrong time almost all the time until I discovered Desteni.

Success is an interesting formula. I see it requires extensive training from the moment one is born. I realize what extensive training is. I do not underestimate it. With that kind of training one have to look at who are the people that get that training? If, since birth, all my actions would have been aligned with profit I would have been a symbol of success. Within profit is no 'morality' so it doesn't matter if my name is Hitler, Lady Gaga, Nelson Mandela or Gandi. Within our Adams family it's still God who runs the show within and as 'the money rules'. Who's the most successful? Success is fully embracing myself as god as the ruler of my world in the name of profit. I decide who lives and who dies. Lucifer is just showing me the light!

Separating myself from becoming successful was morality. Somewhere down the line I became aware of the ruthlessness needed to become successful and because I am full of morality and drama I do not allow myself to completely embrace that role of me as god in word and deed. I cannot go into that character because I allow morality and judgement to fuck with it. I compromise. Success is perfection. Within that I see realize and understand that becoming (financially) successful can only happen at the cost of others.

That raises a question I have to answer for myself. Can one ever enjoy success at the cost of others and do I want to exist within and as that definition of enjoyment? NO. So I commit myself to redefine the word success to what is best for all?

More to come

2012 Am I a symbol of exclusiveness?

In holland when a boy and a girl decide to 'go steady' they often state: 

"het is aan" (it's on). 

It's like both decide that the product is 'branded' good enough to be marketed and sold to the public. Growing up this 'being on' became 'I am in a relationship'. Within that the people around me would then ask if I was 'going steady?'. In other words, do you fuck around or not? Either way it shows we have a hard time determining what a relationship is in the first place. It ranges from 'we are madly in love' to 'being fuck buddies to 'we fuck each other up'. Whatever name we give this dependency upon being with someone, It clearly needs to have a label! People apparently need to be able to tell other people what sex symbol it is I am involved inn.

In this world based on pictures as labels you produce a code for everything you do and are involved inn. And because we spend most of our time with other people that's where the most labels are printed. I am alone, homosexual, active inactive, related unrelated, heterosexual, married within an open relationship able to fuck around or as Facebook states "it's complicated". 

If the above is true or false doesn't even matter. Fore all I know I could be secretly spanking elderly women in my basement. If I confirm to the archetype picture of being financially stable and in a steady relationship preferable with a beautiful 'intelligent' woman, everything around me will become kind of fluid and mellow. Is that how it's supposed to be? Is this where we 'think' we feel most comfortable. Is that how it's supposed to be? Looking at the animals it makes perfect sense.

I have been in and out relationships enough to know what happens as we go through the phases. Very soon after entering the initial stages I will stop questioning the world around me for the larger part. Who benefits from the fact I do this? Why is it that most women suddenly have a child wish? Why do men fear this? Why is it that relationships are often labeled as 'hard work' and 'compromise'. That you have to endure and to give and take. Be solid as a rock, celebrating 25 years of marriage. Why do I have to congratulate people with 25 years of marriage? Did they sacrifice a lim to the gods or something? What is it they did I have to salute? They got married and it was their own choice to voluntarily do so in the first place. Do I send my best wishes to Apple after they successfully merge with Microsoft? What the fuck am I missing?

Isn't it strange? Placing myself completely outside this turmoil and the first thing I notice is loneliness! Like being in a spaceship cirkling the globe. In my life the moment I was not in a relationship my mind would start projecting the perspective of being in one instantaneous. So are relationships addictions? Do I ad myself on to some thing. Am I the ad on.

I can distract myself from this point with other substance like drugs or sports or whatever habit would distract me from my secret mind that is constantly urging me to look at and react to every fuckable person I see. This will not resolve itself. I have accepted and allowed myself to become part of the big pool of sex and relationships in this world. 

Amongst other things I was talking about this stuff with someone and within this conversation the person related to her situation where she wanted to be 'exclusive' with a person. For me this was just another way of her saying she wanted to 'go steady' with whatever exclusive fuck it may be. The word exclusive didn't hit me until later as I started to ponder on it. Why not call it 'a lover', 'a fucker', 'a buddy? Why ask a person to be 'exclusive'? Why do I want a person to be exclusive?

exclusive |ikˈskloōsiv|

adjective

1 excluding or not admitting other things : my exclusive focus is on San Antonio issues.

• unable to exist or be true if something else exists or is true : these approaches are not exclusive; many students will combine them | mutually exclusive political views.

• (of terms) excluding all but what is specified.

2 restricted or limited to the person, group, or area concerned : the couple had exclusive possession of the condo | the jaguar and puma are exclusive to the New World.

• (of an item or story) not published or broadcast elsewhere : an exclusive interview.

• (of a commodity) not obtainable elsewhere : exclusive designer jewelry.

3 catering or available to only a few, select persons; high class and expensive : an exclusive Georgetown neighborhood.

4 [ predic. ] ( exclusive of) not including; excepting : prices are exclusive of tax and delivery.

noun

an item or story published or broadcast by only one source.

DERIVATIVES

exclusiveness noun

exclusivity |ˌekskloōˈsivitē| noun

ORIGIN late 15th cent. (as a noun denoting something that excludes or causes exclusion): from medieval Latin exclusivus, from Latin excludere ‘shut out’ (see exclude ).

Fascinating

My professional background is advertising and marketing so for me the word 'exclusive' is connected to value. From my perspective more exclusive means more expensive. In business exclusivity agreements strengthen certain business relationships at the exclusion of others. Frequently a company that's strong in its sector will contract with a crucial part of its supply chain, or team up with a powerful player in another market, to create dominance within a certain territory. In any event, exclusivity agreements help the predators establish a 'territory' and kill more prey. It's the capitalists playing nice with the system. The same system where it's very convenient for 'the exclusive' that the masses behave like wildebeest in  a herd. Let's look at this from a few business models/perspectives as in relationships. First up there is:

Identification

An exclusivity agreement as a contract between two or more entities to exclusively deal with each other regarding a specific area of business. It usually doesn't establish a relationship between two businesses, but rather takes it to the next level of commitment. An exclusivity agreement can also exist between two people in regard to some sort of business intercourse they will share together.

Features

The essential feature of an exclusivity agreement is the covenant to not engage in a particular business activity with other parties for a specified period of time. The agreement usually restricts only one of the parties. This typically occurs in vertical buyer/seller relationship where a buyer agrees to buy exclusively from the seller. Or a manufacturer could agree to ship its products through only a certain distributor. Less common is the bilateral agreement that puts conditions on both parties.

Types

In addition to buyer/seller relationships, exclusivity agreements sometimes come into play during business acquisitions. Because there can be heated competition and competing bids for a company, an acquiring company that makes progress in negotiations can have its target sign an exclusivity agreement preventing it from entertaining other offers from competitors. Individuals may enter into an exclusivity agreement when they agree to list their house exclusively with a real estate agency.

Function

Exclusivity agreements create stability in a business relationship, which in turn provides predictability. The ability to foresee future costs and project business relationships is crucial to operating a large company. An exclusivity agreement shuts out competition, which tends to let costs stabilize and allows for a confident and efficient allocation of noncapital resources.

Considerations

Within an exclusivity agreement there may be other terms, such as confidentiality, access to relevant data and conditions for termination. Once two businesses get in bed together, they may become privy to information about each other that could be valuable to the competition. But, at the same time, a certain level of cooperation might be necessary to maximize the synergy of the two companies. The exclusivity agreement can be tailored to the needs of the moment as well as future inevitabilities. Sometimes the agreement can be broken at any time, but with a penalty. In other cases it might be periodically renegotiated, or terminated upon certain conditions.

This is how I see where this is going. It will be business as usual unless I make my starting point one and equal within what is best for all. The practical point to walk would be an equality agreement within an unequal reality. Which is impossible. So at this point in space and time within a 'relationship' it would require two people to live two lives in space and time. One would be equal with one another. The other would require a definition and a spot where one would walk within the territory of predators in complete separation. 

From all these perspectives and my experiences from the past I can only keep reminding myself to see reality as all of us struggling to be exclusive within standard fucknesslessness.

How I was Able to Hear the Desteni Message?

12 21 12, 2012, 21 december 12, dec 12 2012, december 12 2011, december 12 doomsday, december 21 2012.

You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God… and where can you go from there? 

"Al Pacino in the Devils Advocate"

I used to believe monsters where hiding under my bed (they actually did). I believed my father was the smartest man in the world and my mother the sweetest mom. I believed I could run as fast as the six million dollar man and that my sword fights were as impressive as those of Rutger Hauer. I believed I could climb like a monkey. Those kind of things I checked out for myself. I would discover quickly if what I believed was true or false simply by going trough the experience.

Learning and getting educated is how I learned to make believe. Getting to know the way things work in the world not why. Learning the basics of the system and getting my brains washed like the religious rituals I had to participate within as a child. I prayed the holy father a lot of times not knowing what the hell I was saying. School started the big load down. The 'god' seed was planted early and I was on my way in the garden of eden.

At some point I gave up. The statement could have been like this. I will bow and accept your world. I will believe what you tell me and try to do as you say. I will go down your road of believes and perceptions. I will climb your tree of knowledge and information. I will not resist the fact you institutionalize me. I will go to your schools. I will form relationships as seen on TV. I will eat sleep and work the way you do to the best of my abilities. I will try my best to play along the personality games. I will forget who I was, were I came from and I will try not ask too many questions. I will probably reproduce and teach my children to do the same. Now leave me alone and let me suppress myself.

I believed in god, Jezus, 'my homeboys', punk, anarchy, violence, deception, manipulation, girls, sex, drugs, sport, addictions, friendship, good, bad, positive, negative, prophets, avatars, light, energy, holographic universes, new age, old school, quantum mechanics, love, spirituality, ascension, meditation, yoga, mystery schools, sufism, veda's, budism, theosophy, etc. etc. I did a fair share of searching for truth and did not avoid certain experiences if you know what I mean. It's a long story.

'How I was Able to Hear the Desteni Message?' It implies that one cannot hear the message. You have to be 'Able' first before you can hear. Interesting. Sounds almost religious doesn't it? How I was Abel and Cain was not. I have been searching for so called 'truth' all my life. I wanted to understand God, this world, myself, my parents, friends, humanity. My place in the universe. There had to be a code or a message fore nothing made sense except chaos. I had to believe in a A God because it gave me something abstract outside myself. Something bigger than me. I 'fell' in love with al my knowledge and I started to build a hell of an ego to manage all that self-love that was so abundantly flowing from within me. 

I used to be convinced there where great 'mystical' powers working for me in the realms of this world. I was spiritual, physical, healthy, sporty and one 'fine' day I had this out of body, kundalini, whatever the fuck you want to call it experience where reality sort of expanded into this timeless holographic white light. I was without form or sense of time. Oh It was so 'life changing and overwhelming'. Beyond words and al that other bullshit definitions that come out when I become possessed and cannot voice myself. 

Interesting I said, "I Wanted to understand God" which implies I didn't. I apparently allowed myself to switch believes from one moment to the next without taking any 'self'-responsibility for it? And we all do this. We all walk this earth projecting bullshit at each other thus making the world a projection of ourselves as that ever changing bullshit we are as our minds. Reality has become a self created concept of chaos and destruction and I kept on blaming others for it. Humanity has become brand names, brand value, loyalty and believe-systems. An infinite loop of advertisements for limitations we accept as our reality. I know one or two things about advertising and I can tell you "reality is worse than you think". What makes me hear the Desteni message? Seeing myself as part of reality is one of the points.

This reality is All Dollah. Allāhu akbar. God is great from the moment time began and our innocent ego's started battling for supremacy. You don't have to be 'intelligent' or 'enlightened' to see this shit. Just look around? It's written in history as our children are taught. It's programmed into every molecule we genetically alter. Unfortunately or in other words us, another fortune later. Truth stares us in the face all the time. 

Someone asked me to take that honest look. Who is God in this world? What creates this world? So I looked from all perspectives and all the viewpoints showed me money. So yeah well eh, money does! Since time began the only thing we do is battle for more. And if money rules the world instead of God  then where is God? And if god is not here then what the fuck happened in heaven? Time to find some answers.

I started investigating Desteni. That's what I did. Try to find the flaws. Assume the worst. It's a cult. A bunch of brilliant freaks. They are on the internet so if anything, they will be exposed. However the more I investigated the more I was blown away by the rawness and honesty I faced. Real People, real names sharing themselves, exposing their secret mind shit openly for all to see and learn. Never in my whole life did I encounter this overwhelming raw honesty as it was shared amongst Destonians. It was confronting and almost scary. I was blown away. This was historic. Why doesn't the whole world now about this? Where was the media? Like I said; reality is worse than we think. Loosing all religion made me feel rather exposed. Naked as you will. Loosing all self definition is not a comfy happening. My realizations where mindblowing. I was able to Hear the Desteni Message because I saw that there is one 'simple' principle that rules them 'all'. 

- 1 principle beyond, separation, beyond religion, science and money

- 1 principle to base all our thoughts on

- 1 principle to base all our actions on 

- 1 principle without exclusivity, without ego

- 1 principle that includes all and thus = best for all

- 1 principle as the solution to the cause of our problem which is separation

- 1 principle that forces one to be self honest and take self responsibility 

As al the 'prophets said "Love thy neighbor". The principle of Equality stands as the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so fuck me god. This principle made me hear the Destine message. None are free until all are free. How can I accept anything else?

How can I accept myself within separation within believes, religion. My relyons. Seeing that the principle of equality implies 'all' is hard to grasp at times. It's also simple. Creation=All=Equal or nobody is. It implies a lot because it implies all of us. Total transformation. The system has a word to counteract the fact you might realize we as humanity have an option. That word is 'utopia'. The amount of hate that is projected towards Desteni is fascinating and proves beyond doubt that there is something happening. People react very strangely to the truth. I said it before, reality is worse than your nightmares. 

I'm walking with Desteni for about 2 years now. Having applied the tools I have for instance been able to stop addictions like weed and smoking. I have seen myself existing as thoughts emotions and feelings unable to control myself at the same time realizing it's not me. I'm not these thoughts emotions and feelings. I got myself out of a seriously deep depression without consulting a doctor or therapist. I was only using the tools Desteni presents. I pushed myself more than I can ever remember doing. I got a very refreshing look into the world of relationships and sex. I'm becoming more and more aware of my ego as the mind trying to tear me apart. Never silent always on as this is a process within every breath.

I continue to walk and fall. To stand up again and slowly discover who I really am as Life. I script myself and push myself to walk myself into a human being that will honor Life as the physical. Here in every moment asking myself time and time again. Am I here?

The world will wake up to the Desteni message, It's not how it's when. Destonians show the effectiveness of the tools that are shared and researched within thousands of blogs and vlogs. No pseudo's, all under real names for you to read and investigate because we don't want to lose the precious time we have. We all go or no go...

Desteni is the real deal but don’t believe a word I'm saying! Investigate for yourself. I dare you to ask the questions you never dared to ask. See fore yourself that love is not all that matters but all matter or love does not exist!

Relationships as hiding places

Being alone in a relationship

The past few weeks I noticed a particular build up of anxiety, a restlessness. It all has to do with the fact that my daughter and ex girlfriend are going to move away. The new situation that will arise puts my whole life in a new perspective. In the near future I will be able to move again. I’m less bound to the triangle of family as it is located within the present boundaries.


The realisation

In other words, I’m not bound to were I am living anymore. In the future I don’t have to be the standby father anymore. At least not like it is today. Apart from feeling guilty, sad and sentimental after the news reached me I also became very restless. Why did this happen? Maybe it’s because nothing is holding me back from moving myself anymore. Am I afraid of moving myself? Is change that frightening to me? Come on I’m the daredevil, the danger seeker. What is going on here? Am I stuck in a construct that I don’t see? Where is this fear coming from?

To adress
If nothing is holding me back then it must be me that's holding me back. So that was a tough point because I apparently fuck up when it comes to self movement. As an example a big point I am starting to see is the way I locked myself up within relationships. Within relationships I stopped moving completely. Relationships became a lame excuse for the circumstances I was in. A lot of this was on a unconscious level but that's no excuse for not addressing what’s presenting itself here in the present.

Why we all want families
Within the system construct of a relationship the load is shared so to speak. Look around you and you will see that society as a whole is completely designed to facilitate and encourage relationships. Preferable ones that make money and produce children. Relationships as a place where one is not solely responsible. One goes to work or both 'partners' work and the 'load' is divided. We go to work, make  money and start consuming as we get consumed by daily live. We do our part in consuming like a ‘good’ family is supposed too adding to the immense cash flow generated by family. The average middle class family spends more than 2000 euro's a month! Do a little math on that and you will see why family is called "the cornerstone of society" In other words, family as the ultimate cash cow .

'Social' structures
When everything runs according to plan the ‘thing’ becomes a well oiled routine and everyone loves that because we fit in nicely with the rest. It’s fully understandable for everyone because we all know that it keeps everything in place. Running a family is one of the most time consuming things one can do, there you go.

So as families we all have the same subjects to chit chat about. Avoiding a big part of ourselves in the process. With colleagues, friends and family we share the same problems and we eat the same pancakes. Yeah ‘life’s a bitch’ and the weather sure is nice today. Sooner or later we all want to escape but no one can and we all accept this as reality. Eventually one is either in or out. Remember that when you are 'out', life becomes ridiculously complicated. Nothing seems to be 'designed' for the 'single' human being. The so called loner and his or her relationship too the rest. Why is it called "a social structure" when in fact not everyone is included?

A being in love
Looking at myself and my behaviour within relationships I began to see a pattern. Off coarse the starting point has always been a ‘physical’ one. A sex mate (Can we mate? Can we be mates?). This part normally went reasonably well until the initial energy of ‘sex’ and 'being in love' had to be transformed into a workable relationship. This is mostly the period where one starts touching subjects like, ‘living together’, ‘careers’, ‘work’ and ‘money’. Eventually it always boiled down to money and last but not least ‘children’. I always began to feel uncomfortable and restless when these subjects were addressed.

I wrote about this before but what is interesting and the question I asked myself was: Why did I get into relationships in the first place? I’m starting to see that I did this solely from the point of not having to be fully responsible for what would happen in my life. I would always be able too say ‘“we did” instead of “I did”. So this point had to do with taking self responsibility within all aspects of life. So apparently I didn’t see myself do this. That’s inferiority isn't it? Yes it is. I’m starting to realise that I used relationships and sex as the ultimate escape and hiding place for self responsibility.

As an example it explains why I like to be around children but never wanted them for myself. I always used financial security as an excuse. This is why I always wait for reality to become unbearable before I start to move. Only moving because it’s a necessity not because one want’s to move. It’s not moving but being moved. Exactly that. Being moved, being emotional. Being able to say, “the circumstances forced me to make this or that move”. It’s denying myself to step forward and make mistakes. I have to be perfect or hide my imperfections. Compensating inferiority with bravado and perfectionism. All out of fear. Fear of being judged by friends and family. Fear of failing within the system falling out of the system. Fear of simply being here as I am as me. No matter what...

Kinesiology
To test these points I went to my kinesiologist today and in order to give her some points to work with I called it “testing my mommy construct" because that’s what it is too me. It’s that point where one as a child takes a step outside the comfort zone knowing mommy is there to run back too when things go bad and having a father that's gently pushing this process. Showing you how to deal with reality and solve problems in a rational and effective way. Within this construct I'm starting too see where my behaviour originates from. The comfort of my childhood was probably a bit to comfy and looking back I always relied (too) heavily on my parents for support.

[marking this point for my next blog entry]

The muscle tests
After being testes for about an hour the following points opened up:

The air element: 
Self respect, shyness, confusion, awkwardness, puzzlement, distrust, success. Coming from a highly unstructured background and finding it extremely hard to cope with reality, seeing / understanding reality as a child and being overwhelmed by it.

Succes
Associating success with money, power and evil. Spiting it thus sabotaging success in this point for myself.

Polarity
Being indecisive wen confronted with polarity: Independence, independency. Being self-supportive, self-help. Also independence manifesting as an independent attitude activating abilities within seclusion. Standing independently. I climb this tree because no one can do it for me.

Self-restraint (the earth element)
Coping with morality issues within social groups. Insecurity becomes self-assertion. Overcompensating inferiority with perfectionism for example in sports or work. Being a daredevil. All from being up in the turbulent air of polarity instead of grounded in earth. No base to operate from. No me just projections.

Empathy
The spleen point (milt) - mildness, gentleness and self trust. It’s only possible to be gentle to others or express gentleness if one knows gentleness as an expression of self. Have I been gentle with myself? Did I give myself enough ‘credit’ for achievements I made in life? Also self intimacy (I see in to me). Being decisive and take action even when unsure about the predictability of the outcome (just move).

And so on
So again a lot of stuff to investigate and another small step in birthing myself as life from the physical. All is stored within the body. It’s there to support us in becoming who we really are as self. The older we get the more information is stored making it harder to change ourselves as time goes by. That's why Kinesiology is such a great tool. Instead of assuming stuff you are able to test things out in real time. It’s magnificent if one dares to go there. Being in process is the hardest thing I ever did. It’s also the only way of becoming who 'I' am by exposing what 'I' am not. The Desteni I process is the only tool in the world that's flawless when one decides to go 'there'. It's no easy road and it's the most confronting thing you will ever do. But if I can do this, you can.

So please investigate who you are and join us: http://desteniiprocess.com/