Day-025-10.4 the 'copy cat' loop

This  is a (coincidental) follow up to
Day-024-Getting rid of headaches

Reacting too generalizations
Sometimes I catch myself within a reaction saying something a long the line of: "that's cool we should all do that" or "we should all learn from that". And I noticed that I'm not the only one doing this. Everybody I know has this particular line of code in their vocabulary. So if this phrase or reaction to our environment is common it must be part of our basic structure and operating system and by now I know that when I observe programs like these they are flag points. It's observing myself in the mirror as software looping within and as the mind instead of being here seeing myself looking in the mirror. Here I stop and breath and take a moment to reflect.

One but not the same (how is that possible?)
Within seeing myself reacting I immediately realized what I was doing. I was reacting preprogrammed like a dog barking with the pack not questioning why it is barking. Letting everybody within the pack know I was there with my particular sent and voice tonality. Arf, arf, bark, bark. Here I am the white dog with the blue eyes. 

This is me participating within the most basic form of communication and it makes me wonder about the word 'communication'.

Communication The imparting or exchanging of information or news. The successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings. Social contact. She gave him some hope of her return, or at least of their future communication.
ORIGIN late Middle English: from Old French comunicacion, from Latin communicatio(n-), from the verb communicare ‘to share’

See the new dictionary defenition says it's about greater understanding (software integration). The origin of the word communication dates back to the greek and theirs definition describes exactly that what it is is 'to share'. It's in fact nothing more than that. Even the word hope exists within this construct. 'Hope' and 'should'. Fruit from the same tree. So eventually it's simply sharing whatever it is that's there even a pile of bullshit. As long as it is shared and we do it together we feel accepted and safe within our 'sharing group'.

Projecting my religious assumptions
I see myself sharing and confirming my moral/religious statements as projections into the future 'we should...'. It holds no substance or relevance other than sharing a portion of my morality like a dork barking with the pack not making sense other than noise pollution as verbal diarrhea. Haleluyipikaye.

Adapting a religion as behavior within the hive
Why do I do this? What am I doing? As an example, an event takes place in my presence or I witness something while I am with other people and there is this common reaction one can have as a group. Here I witness myself as part of a pack as I silently agree too 'group protocol' and adapt group behavior, a religion with the sole purpose to gain access too another network or group solely for self interest. The hilarious part being that I'm too brainwashed to be aware of it. The leader of the pack mostly is not but that's another story.

"Yes this Bobcat and deer living together is a great example, we should learn from them"

or 

"Yes I prefer spirituality over religion as well, we should all be more spiritual"

or 

" I agree italian cars seem to have more character, the japanese should learn how to bring more character into their designs"

And so on...

Pasword, routines and program execution
So If I'm with a group of philosophers the focus will be on philosophy. Different perspectives, philosophers etc. Enough stuff to talk about and to have different opinions about and enough common demeanors to experience myself as part of a group and feel safe. With designers the pith of the matter will be focussed around design. All individuals have their set of preferences regarding design and esthetics they all more or less share the same background/education/programming. 

Within these networks I communicate about the same stuff from the past in the same dialect so to speak. Like preachers do every sunday. Preaching for and within my own church. And so I can sit with musicians and the whole evening will be filled with information about cords, amplifiers, drumheads, cymbals and the longest guitar solo ever. Photographers will talk about optical abriviation, color correction lens flare, until your head pops. It's all dead words because I'm  only sharing. I'm not producing any substance other than words. Dead words. Here I see myself producing lines of code from the past coming from the pool of information regarding design coming from the design community as the religion of design. And it's all about keeping the relationships as energy going within groups in relation too others too others etc. Indeed programs within programs with an occasional software upgrade or downgrade lol. Being with the program isn't that a much used phrase in spy thrillers? Am I in or out!

The should loop 
We should all follow Jezus. We should all love or neighbor... Should is is a shot in thin air. 'Should' is a first class fucker. I should remind myself of that lol. I could go on and on about the small details and constructs That i'm parroting from my own history books, the teachers I had and my social surroundings as the influenza of reality. The viral code I have accepted and allowed to compose a set of definitions that became my preferences on esthetics and design in general which became part of my personality as my projections towards reality as a whole. I should make this better, that faster and satisfy you more.

Focussing on the flaws (existing as a permanent critic) 
So when and as I make picture presentations of 'design' that conforms to the general religion as propagated by the authority of the elite as the group of designers as 'good design' I will immediately have judgement towards that object and within that e-value it. In my case literally energize it as enthusiasm or 'love' or hate. But it's at it's root all based on criticizing everything instead of practical enjoyment of something that's form follows function and simply functions and thus assists and supports me in doing whatever it is I have to do with it. Within that perspective I can have a look at myself as a design which I am. 

within this I see realize and understand that I apply this construct and it's mechanism unto my reality in all I do. I am permanently 'judging', evaluating and calibrating myself within my world and reality in relation to my preprogrammed religions because I fear the unknown. That which is not understood which is me. I'am literally living and projecting my past all the time! Consequently nothing 'new' will step forward nor will I be able to change who I am or what I am.

How to stop living in the past if I'm all ready dead
A phrase I heard often. "Stop living in the past". Hilariously good advice to give each other. We 'should' do that all the time agree? Mean while I refuse to change and continue to spread my historic bullshit and even worse, I'm sharing it with with my child as well culminating into this reality that is world war 3 in full blast and we are not even aware it's going on. It's everywhere and these religious projections about a reality we do not understand ourselves lying to our children and child abuse of epic proportion. Living the past in the present. Is it really that simple? If this is form follows function then the purpose our basic design must be total destruction. Because the fuckness I find myself in as this world is nothing more then a reflection of who I am in the past.

How lost I am within and as the mind. It's cool to see how I am able trough writing this shit out show myself how I operate within these parts.

Ten four out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to generalizations

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people, objects, concepts as cool, not so cool, awful and awesome

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stop myself and instead participate within judging people, objects, concepts as cool, not so cool, awful and awesome

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a dog barking with the pack

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not question myself when I go into a reaction towards reality where I judge people, objects, concepts as cool, not so cool, awful and awesome

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself because I want to be part of a group making noise and manifesting myself solely for sake of manifesting myself in order to be seen like a product on a shelf fighting for attention on the scene within the scenery

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make claims to what should be done or what I should be doing and not doing them making my words dead fish in the water not even causing a ripple in the ocean called reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people, objects, concepts as cool, not so cool, awful and awesome in relation to laws and rules made by myself as part of the elite that define what is good and bad and wrong and right seeing realizing that I'm simply part of the polarity play out yin yanging myself trough space and time  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that the fundamental design of reality is me as polarity all the time in order to generate energy within and as these play outs judging everything within every frame I capture with my minds eye

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become addicted to Identifying myself with the outside reality instead of realizing that I'm doing this out of fear of what I might find investigating my reality within

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the phrase "Stop living in the past". Seeing realizing I myself am not able to stand as an example of that point as a whole thus becoming part of the pool of bullshit that is turning this world into the whole of pity it is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my historic bullshit as my own propaganda within and unto my relationships as these religious projections seeing realizing I'm thus becoming part of the problem instead of a solution that's best for all

http://desteni.org/
http://desteniiprocess.com/
http://eqafe.com/
http://destonians.com/

Day-015-Branding a Jack in the box

This is a follow up to:
Day-014-Mad Mike as 'the adrenaline Junkie'
Day-013-My Adrenaline Junkie character

There is a scene in a movie called 'Tropic Thunder' where actor Robert Downey Jr. plays an actor playing an actor with a blown ego that says "I don't read the script, the script reads me". That says it all. Eventually my ego becomes so big it will become the script. I become the script without being aware of it. Looking back it's that point I see. It's my experience of myself in 'life'. What the fuck am I doing? Why am I doing this? Why am I thinking this? Why did I say that? Why did I do that? Not realizing that every question was a character I created. Perfect inception as deception within a near perfect maze.

When I become insecure or make a mistake I use my family of characters to express that state. My pack in uniform. A macho fight club called 'la resistance. Within that I'm mostly expressing some sort of physical confidence, a stance. This explains for example why within a group my fears of not being understood or not being acknowledged, lead to me becoming this ranting lunatic that cant sit still.

I'm starting to see this pattern and I see it exists all around me were we engage with people and start by asking what it is they do? Meaning, what kind of work or activity they do. The safest opening sentence apart from remarking on the weather. So this is where I Make my debut, my first impression, going on stage now. Damn they better remember me. So, OK, let's get in character and kick ass.

Someone told me as she was sitting on a terrace, when asked the question 'what it was she did,' she answered; "I'm sitting here". Which was exactly what she was doing – A straight answer. The guy asking the question was not entertained. Is that because we expect people to come a long? Be on our side and entertained? Within these few words spoken it's obvious that there is seldom common ground. There is also the hidden 'fuck off.'

Most people don't expect the unexpected. Although it can be hilariously funny (as seen above). Confrontations like that forced me to take a look at myself within and as the words that I speak. Where do I come from? What are my intentions? Why am I here? Within there 'lies' the confrontation thus friction with reality. Is it a point we all are trained to unsuccessfully avoid by finding those matching characters when we go 'public'? It's a point I have struggled with all my life and it brings me back to the point of 'success', of being a successful 'operator'.

I don't experience myself successful socially and within relationships. It came as a big shock when I realized how important psychology, social behavior, good manners and vocabulary are within the system. How closely they are linked with money, success and power. Within that was the shock of realizing that it's much harder to get to that level of discipline required to be successful than it is to be noisy and reactive — because nearly everyone is that and only a few are successful.

I had that choice and I choose to go 'full retard'. I took onboard the giving up character and it had an easy job coaching the adrenaline junkie. The adrenaline Junkie character is my disguise to hide the family tree of characters that make him up. I did not allow myself to see realize and understand that success and failure are the same thing. It's not that things do not go wrong. It's the way successful beings deal with it. It's in their blood to be patient and not become emotional. You take the blow, pick up the pieces and try again. I made it my specialty to create pieces and then sit back and look at them weeping in self pity. So let me look at how I made success the stone around my neck.

The closer my scripts are to the scriptures of success in this world the more effective I will be in claiming a piece of the pie. Adaptability as an actor that became the script that now reads the actor. Thus taking total controls of the p/act. Charisma is turned into brand value that buys more exposure and thus a higher ranking inside the pact of (successful) actors. Within this I see/realize that as I create characters, the more I participate the more inception the more I get lost in my own crowd of characters.

I can see why I scare people away. I'm mainly a Jack in the box character, a noisy daredevil. Daredevils do not project stability and thus will not attract stability. Daredevils are interesting eye candy. Fire works to look at from a distance. They are not a potential partner/friend to have close (unless you are a daredevil, outcast, porn-star yourself). Within the matrix Girls are always very curious about daredevils, the so called 'wrong men'. The ones that will hurt you eventually. Boys are also fascinated by daredevils until they realize that being 'close' to one means they are expected to jump of the cliff as well. Daredevils are entertaining but eventually it's done and the daredevil leaves the stage like a worn out gladiator (the pathetic character).

I have entertained a few audiences. There was me as the one without a clue versus the overconfident. These two sets of characters would permanently switch places like a superhero syndrome. People who 'know' me say I'm full of contradictions. I say yes, who is not? And as I'm walking this process I start to see that I'm full of shit as far as....

So, if I had something to say I would say it. I had that blind spot all my life where I just express myself and blabber uncontrollably and within that there is no consideration for other beings. That's the Jack in the box experience for most people. I have lived with this experience of being in the wrong place at the wrong time almost all the time until I discovered Desteni.

Success is an interesting formula. I see it requires extensive training from the moment one is born. I realize what extensive training is. I do not underestimate it. With that kind of training one have to look at who are the people that get that training? If, since birth, all my actions would have been aligned with profit I would have been a symbol of success. Within profit is no 'morality' so it doesn't matter if my name is Hitler, Lady Gaga, Nelson Mandela or Gandi. Within our Adams family it's still God who runs the show within and as 'the money rules'. Who's the most successful? Success is fully embracing myself as god as the ruler of my world in the name of profit. I decide who lives and who dies. Lucifer is just showing me the light!

Separating myself from becoming successful was morality. Somewhere down the line I became aware of the ruthlessness needed to become successful and because I am full of morality and drama I do not allow myself to completely embrace that role of me as god in word and deed. I cannot go into that character because I allow morality and judgement to fuck with it. I compromise. Success is perfection. Within that I see realize and understand that becoming (financially) successful can only happen at the cost of others.

That raises a question I have to answer for myself. Can one ever enjoy success at the cost of others and do I want to exist within and as that definition of enjoyment? NO. So I commit myself to redefine the word success to what is best for all?

More to come