Day-025-10.4 the 'copy cat' loop

This  is a (coincidental) follow up to
Day-024-Getting rid of headaches

Reacting too generalizations
Sometimes I catch myself within a reaction saying something a long the line of: "that's cool we should all do that" or "we should all learn from that". And I noticed that I'm not the only one doing this. Everybody I know has this particular line of code in their vocabulary. So if this phrase or reaction to our environment is common it must be part of our basic structure and operating system and by now I know that when I observe programs like these they are flag points. It's observing myself in the mirror as software looping within and as the mind instead of being here seeing myself looking in the mirror. Here I stop and breath and take a moment to reflect.

One but not the same (how is that possible?)
Within seeing myself reacting I immediately realized what I was doing. I was reacting preprogrammed like a dog barking with the pack not questioning why it is barking. Letting everybody within the pack know I was there with my particular sent and voice tonality. Arf, arf, bark, bark. Here I am the white dog with the blue eyes. 

This is me participating within the most basic form of communication and it makes me wonder about the word 'communication'.

Communication The imparting or exchanging of information or news. The successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings. Social contact. She gave him some hope of her return, or at least of their future communication.
ORIGIN late Middle English: from Old French comunicacion, from Latin communicatio(n-), from the verb communicare ‘to share’

See the new dictionary defenition says it's about greater understanding (software integration). The origin of the word communication dates back to the greek and theirs definition describes exactly that what it is is 'to share'. It's in fact nothing more than that. Even the word hope exists within this construct. 'Hope' and 'should'. Fruit from the same tree. So eventually it's simply sharing whatever it is that's there even a pile of bullshit. As long as it is shared and we do it together we feel accepted and safe within our 'sharing group'.

Projecting my religious assumptions
I see myself sharing and confirming my moral/religious statements as projections into the future 'we should...'. It holds no substance or relevance other than sharing a portion of my morality like a dork barking with the pack not making sense other than noise pollution as verbal diarrhea. Haleluyipikaye.

Adapting a religion as behavior within the hive
Why do I do this? What am I doing? As an example, an event takes place in my presence or I witness something while I am with other people and there is this common reaction one can have as a group. Here I witness myself as part of a pack as I silently agree too 'group protocol' and adapt group behavior, a religion with the sole purpose to gain access too another network or group solely for self interest. The hilarious part being that I'm too brainwashed to be aware of it. The leader of the pack mostly is not but that's another story.

"Yes this Bobcat and deer living together is a great example, we should learn from them"

or 

"Yes I prefer spirituality over religion as well, we should all be more spiritual"

or 

" I agree italian cars seem to have more character, the japanese should learn how to bring more character into their designs"

And so on...

Pasword, routines and program execution
So If I'm with a group of philosophers the focus will be on philosophy. Different perspectives, philosophers etc. Enough stuff to talk about and to have different opinions about and enough common demeanors to experience myself as part of a group and feel safe. With designers the pith of the matter will be focussed around design. All individuals have their set of preferences regarding design and esthetics they all more or less share the same background/education/programming. 

Within these networks I communicate about the same stuff from the past in the same dialect so to speak. Like preachers do every sunday. Preaching for and within my own church. And so I can sit with musicians and the whole evening will be filled with information about cords, amplifiers, drumheads, cymbals and the longest guitar solo ever. Photographers will talk about optical abriviation, color correction lens flare, until your head pops. It's all dead words because I'm  only sharing. I'm not producing any substance other than words. Dead words. Here I see myself producing lines of code from the past coming from the pool of information regarding design coming from the design community as the religion of design. And it's all about keeping the relationships as energy going within groups in relation too others too others etc. Indeed programs within programs with an occasional software upgrade or downgrade lol. Being with the program isn't that a much used phrase in spy thrillers? Am I in or out!

The should loop 
We should all follow Jezus. We should all love or neighbor... Should is is a shot in thin air. 'Should' is a first class fucker. I should remind myself of that lol. I could go on and on about the small details and constructs That i'm parroting from my own history books, the teachers I had and my social surroundings as the influenza of reality. The viral code I have accepted and allowed to compose a set of definitions that became my preferences on esthetics and design in general which became part of my personality as my projections towards reality as a whole. I should make this better, that faster and satisfy you more.

Focussing on the flaws (existing as a permanent critic) 
So when and as I make picture presentations of 'design' that conforms to the general religion as propagated by the authority of the elite as the group of designers as 'good design' I will immediately have judgement towards that object and within that e-value it. In my case literally energize it as enthusiasm or 'love' or hate. But it's at it's root all based on criticizing everything instead of practical enjoyment of something that's form follows function and simply functions and thus assists and supports me in doing whatever it is I have to do with it. Within that perspective I can have a look at myself as a design which I am. 

within this I see realize and understand that I apply this construct and it's mechanism unto my reality in all I do. I am permanently 'judging', evaluating and calibrating myself within my world and reality in relation to my preprogrammed religions because I fear the unknown. That which is not understood which is me. I'am literally living and projecting my past all the time! Consequently nothing 'new' will step forward nor will I be able to change who I am or what I am.

How to stop living in the past if I'm all ready dead
A phrase I heard often. "Stop living in the past". Hilariously good advice to give each other. We 'should' do that all the time agree? Mean while I refuse to change and continue to spread my historic bullshit and even worse, I'm sharing it with with my child as well culminating into this reality that is world war 3 in full blast and we are not even aware it's going on. It's everywhere and these religious projections about a reality we do not understand ourselves lying to our children and child abuse of epic proportion. Living the past in the present. Is it really that simple? If this is form follows function then the purpose our basic design must be total destruction. Because the fuckness I find myself in as this world is nothing more then a reflection of who I am in the past.

How lost I am within and as the mind. It's cool to see how I am able trough writing this shit out show myself how I operate within these parts.

Ten four out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to generalizations

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people, objects, concepts as cool, not so cool, awful and awesome

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stop myself and instead participate within judging people, objects, concepts as cool, not so cool, awful and awesome

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a dog barking with the pack

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not question myself when I go into a reaction towards reality where I judge people, objects, concepts as cool, not so cool, awful and awesome

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself because I want to be part of a group making noise and manifesting myself solely for sake of manifesting myself in order to be seen like a product on a shelf fighting for attention on the scene within the scenery

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make claims to what should be done or what I should be doing and not doing them making my words dead fish in the water not even causing a ripple in the ocean called reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people, objects, concepts as cool, not so cool, awful and awesome in relation to laws and rules made by myself as part of the elite that define what is good and bad and wrong and right seeing realizing that I'm simply part of the polarity play out yin yanging myself trough space and time  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that the fundamental design of reality is me as polarity all the time in order to generate energy within and as these play outs judging everything within every frame I capture with my minds eye

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become addicted to Identifying myself with the outside reality instead of realizing that I'm doing this out of fear of what I might find investigating my reality within

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the phrase "Stop living in the past". Seeing realizing I myself am not able to stand as an example of that point as a whole thus becoming part of the pool of bullshit that is turning this world into the whole of pity it is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my historic bullshit as my own propaganda within and unto my relationships as these religious projections seeing realizing I'm thus becoming part of the problem instead of a solution that's best for all

http://desteni.org/
http://desteniiprocess.com/
http://eqafe.com/
http://destonians.com/

Day-022-About the money

This is a follow up on:
Day-021-I don't need your opinion I need you to get my shit done!!!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to relate everything in my reality to money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become unstable because I fear loosing money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let money determine my behavior, persona and base all my actions on money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect money to fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect money to my jobs

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect money to my company

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my assumptions about money on my reality thus creating my financial reality not knowing for a fact if what I see is what is in fact

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect myself to money and identify myself with money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within the money point always think about myself first

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing my position, my stand out of fear of loosing money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect money to pressure and stress

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I have to get used to this reality, accept it, merge with it, surrender to it, don't ask questions about it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that within getting used to money I did not see money for what it is and created a pattern and addiction to money and thus did not allow myself to become comfortable with money as 'normal' part of my reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become bitter and judgmental towards money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the responsibilities that come with making my own money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not allow myself to see or accept the point that within every given situation it's me who makes the decision to participate within reality or not and within that I forgive myself for not moving myself out of fear of loosing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see realize and understand that the mind will never surrender thus if I want to change I can not allow myself to stop until it's done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear success as in creating a financial platform of stability from which I'm able to gather information and asses my options regarding my commercial activities as work and thus money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not slow down when the professional situation asked for it and within that sabotage myself within not creating a clear picture for myself as tasks of what to do and when to do them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not educate and train myself within the point of being realistic and allow myself to say 'no' in order to create clear starting points for myself and be professional within the way I communicate and go about my work

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to gather more information when I see I'm not having enough information in order to get my jobs done professionally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not clearly and specifically communicate with other persons in relation to the information I need to do a professional Job

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take out the guesswork by preparing my projects in such a way that it creates clarity about what steps to take and within this create the opportunity of choosing to abort or go ahead and in either case reduce friction between me and my clients

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to educate myself within the point of dealing with friction within relationships realizing that it starts with me and that I have a choice to be part of the problem or part of the solution and that I have not allowed myself to become effective within this point within turbulent situations thus creating friction and sabotaging myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think friction is a fact of life not seeing realizing that it's me who is responsible for creating friction by my own participation within and as my projections, judgment, thoughts, emotions and feelings and within that I realize I have never learned to identify these patterns and give myself a window of opportunity instead kept bouncing back within this point within my relationships

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear conflict seeing and realizing that by fearing conflict I'm in fact creating it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear conflict seeing and realizing that what I fear will materialize because that's what fear does

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resonate that I'm not good enough

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear friction

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to identify my fears by making my daily writing a daily application realizing I can only give myself clarity by taking the time to sit with myself and write myself out instead of thinking about it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become scattered within my professional communication because I don't allow myself to gather enough information because I allow myself to rush things and thus risk creating failure out of fear of failing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become easily distracted within and as the mind when other people share information in my presence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to loose myself within the polarity of work instead of creating clarity by identifying the working components as the specific building blocks of a particular project seeing realizing that this is how every project is to be completed doing things step by step in the necessary order

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize I can only create form if I'm clear about function so in order to let form follow function I have to create clarity and perspective on functionality first

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not slow myself down enough before I start participating and or interacting within relationships and within that not realizing i'm creating my own stress and anxiety by not making myself responsible for it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create friction within the point of creating to many loose ends within my projects thus loosing oversight and are thus responsible for creating my own chaos.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see realize and understand that professionally means to always take the human (system) component in consideration meaning that refusing a project because of unrealistic deadlines is also part of my profession.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to give myself total control over my own involvement within my work.


http://desteni.org/
http://desteniiprocess.com/
http://eqafe.com/
http://destonians.com/

Day-021-I don't need your opinion I need you to get my shit done!!!

This is a follow up to:
Day-020-Fear of success

Opening up the point of self sabotage further. I want too have a look at a situation at work involving the way I work. How I experienced myself within the outflow and the work itself. To start of I realize that my work is the 'money point' and everything in my reality is related to that point.

I only have to look at myself and the people around me to see what happens if this point becomes unstable. Everything as in my whole persona', my whole being becomes unstable because I fear to have no money. I don’t hear people about it but I see it all around. My money determines my life my world, my universe because my world evolves around me. It's my job, my company, my family, my responsibility, it's my projections unto my reality and it is my reality. My money or lack of it creates my reality.

I can pretend that it’s not the case but when the shit hit's the fan I think about myself and the money before something else first. It’s like a reflex and sometimes it’s not even concious. Within my reality I'm always arguing for my limitations because I fear loosing my position, my stand. And from where I am standing the point becomes most prominent within work and my working environment. There is always the pressure of doing things as efficient as possible because time = money and somewhere there is this primal fear that there is someone who can do it faster than me. It's called the rat race and yes I'm a rat too.

Within the current money system there will be friction surrounding this point. Money itself lubricates, the getting it creates friction and this is where I find myself within my daily reality where I have to get used to IT. Used to this reality? Accept it? Merge with it? Surrender to it? Don't ask questions about it? All this time all my life not realizing that within getting used to it I was creating friction within my relationship with money instead of the other way around.

Money lubricates the system thus it lubricates everything. No money no movement. Looking at it from the slot I have created for myself over time makes this point my 'bitter pil'. Reality is hard to swallow because it's unacceptable and I ‘know’ it. I educated and developed myself within the money point as bitter and judgmental and from these observations come the insights of what is required and I fear the responsibilities that come with getting myself here.

If I where a bit more ‘stupid’ or blind I would not have seen it and probably take the whole thing for granted and get used to it no questions asked. Yes the same old: "That's what it is children, better get used to it". I never wanted to see or accept the new perspective that within every given situation it's me who makes the decision to participate or not. That it’s all about my acceptance and allowances. I so much want to blame someone or something fore the fuckup seeing and realizing that blame is just another part of the puzzle and that I’m a part as well.

I'm shit scared to take full responsibility for that point. My judgment and assumptions make sure the 'I am not good enough' character is kept in the play never giving myself the experience of going all the way and succeeding by doing what is nessecary. What I'm starting to see is that the mind will never surrender so I have no other option than to never give up. So eventually It boils down to seeing myself as the mind that refuses to give up. Slow down-stop-give it up-loose it all.

LOOSE! WTF! NO!

Haha. So back-to-the-chat to work where I found myself again in a situation where I had to say 'no' and I didn't. I was asked if a certain job could be done in a certain amount of time. In itself a simple question. I was lacking information and I allowed myself (as so often) to not follow the elementary procedure. I thought I could avoid friction not seeing realizing that I was only postponing a point thus creating it. I can safely say I'm identifying and mapping a prominent construct within me here. In order to get things done I need all the information. From that point I can  investigate and make calculations which take out the guesswork and allows me to make a todo list and get clarity on the steps to take. It reduces the risk of having to abort a mission which is always more costly than not starting one.

SO within this I see myself having to answer the question of starting a mission or skipping it and answering the ‘bloody’ question 'why?'. Also not seeing realizing the point that giving myself the answer will not, is not to avoid friction but will reduce it. There will always be resistance. The question is how I am going to deal with it as in DEAL! with it. I see the point I created within myself over time.

As so many I fear conflict. I avoid it and I realize that by doing so I create it. I fear friction as conflict as having to stand my ground and within that allowing myself to think I'm not 'good' enough. And so I find myself struggling to stand my ground. Here I enter the point of self sabotage fucking up before I even start simply because I do not give myself clarity and allow myself to identify and step over my fears. And then I find myself juggling with the polarity of two components.


1. If I start the mission I create friction within the point of too many loose ends and I will create chaos.
2. Aborting the mission will create friction within the point of not solving a clients 'problem' thus create friction with a client.


(Fear component being that in both cases I will loose).

Within the whole construct is the component of me having to make a decision and loose or not giving myself control over my own involvement within the process. Meaning = to stop thinking and take action step by step.

I realize and see that I cannot avoid conflict when I'm the one creating it and thus become the participant and thus allow conflict to exist in this world instead of stopping it through taking self responsibility within this point within each breath. I realize I can do my part by redefining my approach to work and look at my definition of professionalism and not connect work to fear and as a consequence allow myself too loose grip on myself and my actions thus becoming unprofessional.

Why do I always start to justify myself for the ‘quality’ of my work within my work environment and why is it so automated? The reactions I sometimes get from so called bosses says it all. "I don't need your opinion I need you to get my shit done…." Eventually It's looking into the mirror of me, me, me.

Interesting within my work I need to think and reflect and come up with concepts that create polarities and opinions and perspectives and the moment they have to be transformed into money it must go through the process of friction. There seems to be no way around it. So Looking at it from that perspective it kind of comes down to my situational awareness. Am I aware of the situation. Can I identify all relevant aspects within and take them and myself into consideration within my decision making process.

apparently  the professional is not allowing himself to be one...

More to come