2012 Does the sound of silence becomes the roar of darkness?

12 21 12, 2012, 21 december 12, dec 12 2012, december 12 2011, december 12 doomsday, december 21 2012.

They say fear of the dark is a common fear among children. I think it's the other way round. That I as an adult am in full denial. That children reflect the horrors of me as 'this world' (my universe). Children show me the reality of what it means to grow up in this 'adult' world'. A world where you have to be 18 to enter.

My daughter is seven years old now. She's trying to make sense of something that has become totally senseless and there is so little I can do. Baby's being born into this world enter a reality beyond the horror made in Hollywood. The 'dark fear' travels with us. We as adults don't address it as such (that would be childish). However fear of the dark is usually not fear of the dark is it? We all know because our parents told us! In their heads they understood the concept. Fear of possible or imagined dangers thus not real. How come we all feel scared just the same? O yes, 'imagined dangers'. Up there in my head instead of looking were to walk. Tripping and falling into a coma and now they are going to cut me up and I'm not able to speak.

I remember moments I had as I child where I could see what was going on around me. Reality unfolding as this place I wanted to escape but couldn't. Trying to share my fears with my parents unable to communicate what it was that scared me so much. I see it now. I see it within some children. I'm confronted with it through the walls of my house. I'm afraid of the dark because within darkness there is only me and I'm not sure what that is? How can I be? Nothing here but nothing. Me as this never ending stream of thoughts from the past. The well never dries. The only way is to shut it up. Close the tap.

Sometimes the ping-pong stops and for a brief moment it will become dark. Then there will be thoughts again. Concepts without substance. Nothing to hold on too. Me generating make believe energy in a make believe world. That's why darkness is so cool. Through all this shit called 'life' Darkness is the only constant factor. So where do I find self trust? Out there with some God or deity. Or could it be I'm overlooking the authority called Darkness that's observing patiently from deep inside? Do I have a choice? Can I let go of 'me' as what I think I am. Do I dare to face the darkness?

Being submerged in thoughts loosing myself. Stopping myself, breathing and bringing myself 'here'. Time and time again. Falling, followed by self-Judgement and shame. Repeating cycles of failure as time is ticking. Even judging time as 'dead-lines'. The more afraid I become of the future the harder it get's to move on. The experience of sharing myself, is horribly confronting and painfully embarrassing. Seeing myself and not being able to laugh about my fuckups. Taking myself way too seriously. Giving in to embarrassment. I my Ego wearing the mask of Grim Reaper scaring myself into 'shame and regret'. Great disguise Grim! Every hour every day I catch myself falling into these holographic traps made of thoughts. The blinding light of thoughts.

At least Darkness cut's the crap and shows me where it's at. I'm either here and aware or I'm again lost within the pictures as my thoughts firing like a Gatling gun. Fear of the dark is the ultimate fear of facing myself here as the unknown. I don't wan't to remain scared in the dark as noting. That's why I walk this process. The only reality I find acceptable is a reality where we all share the darkness with no fear. A reality where equality rules. I'm often scared we are not going to make it that far (Oops, afraid of the dark again).

How I was Able to Hear the Desteni Message?

12 21 12, 2012, 21 december 12, dec 12 2012, december 12 2011, december 12 doomsday, december 21 2012.

You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God… and where can you go from there? 

"Al Pacino in the Devils Advocate"

I used to believe monsters where hiding under my bed (they actually did). I believed my father was the smartest man in the world and my mother the sweetest mom. I believed I could run as fast as the six million dollar man and that my sword fights were as impressive as those of Rutger Hauer. I believed I could climb like a monkey. Those kind of things I checked out for myself. I would discover quickly if what I believed was true or false simply by going trough the experience.

Learning and getting educated is how I learned to make believe. Getting to know the way things work in the world not why. Learning the basics of the system and getting my brains washed like the religious rituals I had to participate within as a child. I prayed the holy father a lot of times not knowing what the hell I was saying. School started the big load down. The 'god' seed was planted early and I was on my way in the garden of eden.

At some point I gave up. The statement could have been like this. I will bow and accept your world. I will believe what you tell me and try to do as you say. I will go down your road of believes and perceptions. I will climb your tree of knowledge and information. I will not resist the fact you institutionalize me. I will go to your schools. I will form relationships as seen on TV. I will eat sleep and work the way you do to the best of my abilities. I will try my best to play along the personality games. I will forget who I was, were I came from and I will try not ask too many questions. I will probably reproduce and teach my children to do the same. Now leave me alone and let me suppress myself.

I believed in god, Jezus, 'my homeboys', punk, anarchy, violence, deception, manipulation, girls, sex, drugs, sport, addictions, friendship, good, bad, positive, negative, prophets, avatars, light, energy, holographic universes, new age, old school, quantum mechanics, love, spirituality, ascension, meditation, yoga, mystery schools, sufism, veda's, budism, theosophy, etc. etc. I did a fair share of searching for truth and did not avoid certain experiences if you know what I mean. It's a long story.

'How I was Able to Hear the Desteni Message?' It implies that one cannot hear the message. You have to be 'Able' first before you can hear. Interesting. Sounds almost religious doesn't it? How I was Abel and Cain was not. I have been searching for so called 'truth' all my life. I wanted to understand God, this world, myself, my parents, friends, humanity. My place in the universe. There had to be a code or a message fore nothing made sense except chaos. I had to believe in a A God because it gave me something abstract outside myself. Something bigger than me. I 'fell' in love with al my knowledge and I started to build a hell of an ego to manage all that self-love that was so abundantly flowing from within me. 

I used to be convinced there where great 'mystical' powers working for me in the realms of this world. I was spiritual, physical, healthy, sporty and one 'fine' day I had this out of body, kundalini, whatever the fuck you want to call it experience where reality sort of expanded into this timeless holographic white light. I was without form or sense of time. Oh It was so 'life changing and overwhelming'. Beyond words and al that other bullshit definitions that come out when I become possessed and cannot voice myself. 

Interesting I said, "I Wanted to understand God" which implies I didn't. I apparently allowed myself to switch believes from one moment to the next without taking any 'self'-responsibility for it? And we all do this. We all walk this earth projecting bullshit at each other thus making the world a projection of ourselves as that ever changing bullshit we are as our minds. Reality has become a self created concept of chaos and destruction and I kept on blaming others for it. Humanity has become brand names, brand value, loyalty and believe-systems. An infinite loop of advertisements for limitations we accept as our reality. I know one or two things about advertising and I can tell you "reality is worse than you think". What makes me hear the Desteni message? Seeing myself as part of reality is one of the points.

This reality is All Dollah. Allāhu akbar. God is great from the moment time began and our innocent ego's started battling for supremacy. You don't have to be 'intelligent' or 'enlightened' to see this shit. Just look around? It's written in history as our children are taught. It's programmed into every molecule we genetically alter. Unfortunately or in other words us, another fortune later. Truth stares us in the face all the time. 

Someone asked me to take that honest look. Who is God in this world? What creates this world? So I looked from all perspectives and all the viewpoints showed me money. So yeah well eh, money does! Since time began the only thing we do is battle for more. And if money rules the world instead of God  then where is God? And if god is not here then what the fuck happened in heaven? Time to find some answers.

I started investigating Desteni. That's what I did. Try to find the flaws. Assume the worst. It's a cult. A bunch of brilliant freaks. They are on the internet so if anything, they will be exposed. However the more I investigated the more I was blown away by the rawness and honesty I faced. Real People, real names sharing themselves, exposing their secret mind shit openly for all to see and learn. Never in my whole life did I encounter this overwhelming raw honesty as it was shared amongst Destonians. It was confronting and almost scary. I was blown away. This was historic. Why doesn't the whole world now about this? Where was the media? Like I said; reality is worse than we think. Loosing all religion made me feel rather exposed. Naked as you will. Loosing all self definition is not a comfy happening. My realizations where mindblowing. I was able to Hear the Desteni Message because I saw that there is one 'simple' principle that rules them 'all'. 

- 1 principle beyond, separation, beyond religion, science and money

- 1 principle to base all our thoughts on

- 1 principle to base all our actions on 

- 1 principle without exclusivity, without ego

- 1 principle that includes all and thus = best for all

- 1 principle as the solution to the cause of our problem which is separation

- 1 principle that forces one to be self honest and take self responsibility 

As al the 'prophets said "Love thy neighbor". The principle of Equality stands as the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so fuck me god. This principle made me hear the Destine message. None are free until all are free. How can I accept anything else?

How can I accept myself within separation within believes, religion. My relyons. Seeing that the principle of equality implies 'all' is hard to grasp at times. It's also simple. Creation=All=Equal or nobody is. It implies a lot because it implies all of us. Total transformation. The system has a word to counteract the fact you might realize we as humanity have an option. That word is 'utopia'. The amount of hate that is projected towards Desteni is fascinating and proves beyond doubt that there is something happening. People react very strangely to the truth. I said it before, reality is worse than your nightmares. 

I'm walking with Desteni for about 2 years now. Having applied the tools I have for instance been able to stop addictions like weed and smoking. I have seen myself existing as thoughts emotions and feelings unable to control myself at the same time realizing it's not me. I'm not these thoughts emotions and feelings. I got myself out of a seriously deep depression without consulting a doctor or therapist. I was only using the tools Desteni presents. I pushed myself more than I can ever remember doing. I got a very refreshing look into the world of relationships and sex. I'm becoming more and more aware of my ego as the mind trying to tear me apart. Never silent always on as this is a process within every breath.

I continue to walk and fall. To stand up again and slowly discover who I really am as Life. I script myself and push myself to walk myself into a human being that will honor Life as the physical. Here in every moment asking myself time and time again. Am I here?

The world will wake up to the Desteni message, It's not how it's when. Destonians show the effectiveness of the tools that are shared and researched within thousands of blogs and vlogs. No pseudo's, all under real names for you to read and investigate because we don't want to lose the precious time we have. We all go or no go...

Desteni is the real deal but don’t believe a word I'm saying! Investigate for yourself. I dare you to ask the questions you never dared to ask. See fore yourself that love is not all that matters but all matter or love does not exist!

2012 What if God was one of us?

12 21 12, 2012, 21 december 12, dec 12 2012, december 12 2011, december 12 doomsday, december 21 2012.

Yesterday as I was walking through a supermarket this song “what if god was one of us” played over the public adress system.

If God had a name what would it be?
And would you call it to his face?
If you were faced with him
In all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question?
What if God was one of us? Tralalalalala etc. etc.

Being inside a supermarket this particular song hit me like a double brainfuck.

What if god was one us?
Shopping around like one of us?
What would be in his shopping chart?
Would he keep it for himself?
Would he pay with credit card?
Where comes his money from?
Would he sing a long with every song?

I almost forgot why I was in the supermarket because the lines Joan Osborn was singing came burning trough my ears. There I was inside that supermarket surrounded by people shopping. Countless brands and products. Everybody kind of in there own little shopping universe with there lives on display as buying behavior in their shopping charts. In the mean time being manipulated through music that is carefully selected to calm down and stimulate buying behavior. Who selected this song and what are it’s statistics as a shopping stimulator? Well it’s 2012 and god is obviously not one of us. I’m shopping around for a better life than my parents as God as one as us.

2012 shows me the end of 'times'. Where Santa became a fairytale. I 'grew' up. Where make belief became reality. Believe becomes humanity. Where we all loose innocence. Where reality becomes us as god as all of us. As above so below. That’s the end of time. Those are my 'end times'. Time is here inside this supermarket without delay. In my face as who I am. As what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as one of us. As you and me. Humanity.

So there I was observing that point of manipulation, judging it, judging myself. I heard myself puffing out a big sigh realizing I have a long way to goo as one of us. As one of the creators of this reality. My professional background as well as my personality is filled with these points of manipulation. I make money with it. I use it to get what I want. I define myself with it as who I am in this world. It's me doing this so you will do that. That’s the point. In self honesty I recognized it. I can because it exists within me as a part of me. Only in self honesty I am able to see it face it and share it.

Manipulation is a part of me and in this case it resonated very strongly within me. This has to stop. No more separation, no more believe systems. One practical system called Equal Money based on one simple principle called oneness and equality. The one and only solution...

That’s why I’m sharing myself here with you within this point. We have to stop manipulating ourselves and thus manipulating our children into becoming manipulators. We are the creators of this reality because we create reality. We are the ones who breed this existence into a reality of manipulation, greed and inequality. I will remember the next time my mind starts humming this song.

If God had a name what would it be?
Money

And would you call it to his face?
Call too face myself

If you were faced with him
In all his glory
Glory = power!

What would you ask if you had just one question?
Please forgive yourself?

2012 are you chosen?

12 21 12, 2012, 21 december 12, dec 12 2012, december 12 2011, december 12 doomsday, december 21 2012.

What's The Frequency Kenneth?
What do others say about 2012? What does the bible say about 2012? What can I say about 2012? As far as I’m concerned 2012 is one year. A point in space and time. A fraction of space-time. Funny, the Germans call the universe ‘Weltall’. The world and all. The dutch say ‘Heelal’-Heal all-Hell-all-All hell. English is interesting too, ‘Universe’. Uni-verse! Lot’s of universal verses. Interesting. I ‘prefer’ the German definition ‘Welt-all’. Kind of includes everything.

Losing My Religion
There are a few among us that believe the world is coming to an end. That’s a bit out of the ‘ordinary’. I calm myself knowing that my world will end every night when I close my eyes and go to sleep. Where am I when I sleep? And where am I when I wake up? As long as I can remember my world ended every night and was there again the next morning. How is that for strange?

Shiny happy people
I’m in the process of stopping my mind for little more than a year. Someone asked me if it made me happy? Is it 'working'? Does it 'help' me? Does it 'make' me a 'better' person? In other words what do I get in return for my efforts or investments. Yes, the shit runs deep. Happiness, the second largest religion in the world.

A lot of things changed for me in 2012. A lot of things stayed firmly in place. This process is absolutely not what I expected it to be and it's not a cheery, joyful experience so far. It's a nightmare to wake up too oneself within this world. It’s an experience however and that means there are things I can share that could benefit others who are having trouble with the current outflow of events as we enter 2012. Yeah, that biblical event where time is supposed to end and the chosen ones go to heaven to drink champaign. Duh, I thought we where all born in sinn. So everybody stays here. No jumping in front of the train now, we are all going to be in this shit together. We are all future neighbours. What did Jezus say again?

Wall Of Death 
I’m 43 and kids start to call me an old man. Being an old man comes with a few issues. So when I started this process of stopping my mind those 'old man' issues became quite prominent. What the fuck did I do all those years. Where the fuck was I? What the fuck was I thinking? What the fuck? This whole process started with one simple question someone asked me. "Where are you?" Investigating myself started with that simple point of being-here. W-here is the being? I couldn’t answer that question and from that moment on my life has changed dramatically. Changing myself is much harder than my mind makes me think because my mind doesn’t want me to change. My DNA likes to have things running according to plan. That's the 'hard-bit'.

One point I begin to see in more detail is the personality I have developed over time. And it’s interesting because this morning I remembered that a teacher teased me by calling me a donkey in school so the kids started to call me that as well. ‘Donkey’ because I probably fucked up a lot in primary school (apparently donkeys do that). Being called a donkey as a child was not a nice experience and it was one of those experiences where I became aware of myself as different from the point of inferiority.

It’s all quite funny because from the current perspective as what I have become as a personality the comparison to a donkey makes total sense. I accepted and allowed myself to become a stubborn, noisy and sedentary persona. Try to get me from my place against my will and all hell brakes loose and just like an old donkey, I’m good at carrying a load and look pitiful doing so.

Automatic For The People
One of the first things I became aware of after I started this blog where my habits. My whole being and I mean everything of me consisting of these patterns merging into my behavior as me as this personality or persona as you will. Having a specific preference for every little thing I do, think or feel. From the way I drink my coffee up to the way I wipe my ass. I started to see that the oldest habits I have are also the most fossilized. There is no real me. It’s all constructed in real time like a wireframe pixar movie. Reading the Desteni material made me realize that I was only defining myself through words, emotions and feelings that come straight from my surroundings. I'm not those fucking words am I? Here! I am starting to observe myself as my own prisoner within what I think feel or say. I'm fucking screwed by creation. WTF! Yes this kind of shit is shocking and I got really fucking angry. At first I was only aware of my so called ‘bad habits’. A complete morality fuckup. Bad habits are also habits so let's start from scratch here.

The One I Love 
Smoking followed by smoking weed are my oldest habits. So if I wanted to really push and test myself those where the key areas to start breaking my habits. I stopped smoking weed almost a year ago. I smoked weed for more than 20 years. I quit smoking about 7 weeks ago. I started smoking when I was about sixteen so that makes smoking a 27 year old daily habit. The strange thing with stopping is that it’s not hard at all. You just stop and that’s it. The hard part is the hard-bit, the habit. It’s simple and at the same time unexplainable up to the point I just freak out, lock up or start to fuck with myself (which happens frequently). It’s like stopping programs that keep rebooting themselves again and again. A very annoying process but I cant blame or be angry with the programs. I wrote them myself meaning I'm responsible. That’s how I see it. Dissolving the after effects of stopping is a different chapter that has to do with taking self-responsibility and guilt. More on that as I go along and overcome points of shame and embarrassment while sharing my life here.


Everybody Hurts 
Now stopping addictions sounds simple. What makes it hard? The moment I stop one habit (robot-program-system-mechanism) the whole carefully built production-line starts to protest and make noise. So that one habit is always connected to another habit or point. Habits have really big families! It’s fascinating and painful at the same time. For me stopping those habits felt like relationships that ended. In fact that's exactly what it is. How I relate to things are relationships. I had a relationship with weed. I was in love with it. She eased my pain. She was always there. Never complained. Made me laugh. Satisfied my needs. Told me not to worry and that I was okay. She made me feel so good and also sick sometimes. And yes I broke up with her for good and that hurt like hell. Everything started to shift and tilt. That whole point with me attached to it has to be repositioned. Just like all those other relationships. It’s mental as well as physical up to this day.

The saying “you need backbone to stand to a decision” That’s the physical point I’m most aware of. My spine. It has not stopped moving since I started this process. At the moment it’s very painful. The whole thing is pulling me in all directions and I'm very tired because of it.

Turn You Inside-Out
Stopping weed and smoking shows me another perspective that’s fascinating. I’m not judging my smoking or weed consumption anymore. The substance is not the point. ‘What’s in it for me?’ that’s the starting point. It’s that. If I want to know why I smoke I just look at the effect smoking has on me and why. My habits are handlebars, hiding places, escape hatches, social credit cards, ice breakers, common ground, stability points to survive as this persona I have become. A persona that has become almost to demented and automated too change. I’m within a world system that functions exactly the same. Braking my habits makes me feel 'the rupture' in the fabric that connects me to the system. That's my end of the world. What can I say, It’s as painful as it is fascinating to see what I made of myself. It’s also pretty scary at times. The only realization that calms me down is the realization that no matter how bad the nightmare, reality will be worse.

Stand
Applying the Desteni material  is not a walk in the park. Desteni is not a gathering of people padding each other on the back for being ‘good citizens’. Exposing the true nature of oneself and each-other is a confronting and sometimes painful process. There is a lot of resistance within me because of that. Sometimes it seems impossible to move, that's where 2012 comes in. The more people move the easier it gets. Humanity doesn’t like Destonians because they are everything the world is not at the moment. Why is it so hard for me to stand with and as a principle of oneness and equality. To do whatever it takes to bring life back to this earth?

Because it requires changing myself as the physical. With physical proof showing you that even old men can stop shit and that change is possible. We don’t need hope, we change through changing and that takes fucking time and effort. Move with us and support an equal money system.

Desteni is the only group of people in the world I see that take life seriously enough to take everything into consideration. The only way we can change this world is by changing ourselves one by one until all = one. Equal money is the tool to get this done. Time is ticking. Will I break the habit that is me? Will I be here eventually?