Bleeding the system

04 03 2011

Being infected
The alarm bel woke me up. I was in the middle of a dream. I was in a hospital and at the same time I had a new place a new house. My new place didn’t have floors anymore so everything was at ground level. The rooms had walls of glass. The hospital and this house kind of merged together. The house was like in the hospital. I was in the hospital with only 2 or 3 other people. They might have been nurses or doctors but I gave them little attention. The hallways where kind of dark but I could see daylight seeping through some parts of the building. I was there because something or things literally crawled under my skin.

Let it bleed
If I looked at my hands I could see them moving, causing my skin to expand. Small entities the size of match-heads moving rapidly trough the vanes in my body. I felt no fear I just looked at it and decided to open a blood-vessel to see what they where. So I did. I did it with a fingernail and it was very easy. The bleeding was extensive so I removed myself from the room where the doctors where. As I was walking trough the abandoned hospital I left a trail of blood on the floor. Somehow I did this on purpose. Let my arm hang down to support the bleeding. Looking at my other arm I could see no more entities moving. There was absolutely no emotion but the bleeding caused a big mess. There where no sounds just the blood dripping on the floor. I new somebody would have to clean it up again so I decided to catch the blood in a T-shirt instead of letting it run out on the floor.

Being Mike Lammers
Next moment I’m in my new house with one of the doctors looking for something and at the same time explaining why it is that my house has see trough walls. I don’t remember the explanation though. If this would have been a movie it would probably be categorized as a psychological horror movie. I had no fear in this dream, no emotions. I was merely observing and acting as an actor would. That’s it.

As I woke up the first thing I noticed was that my body was actually hurting allover with my neck, arms and shoulders in particular. A slight headache and dazed. Like I would have been if I would have been smoking weed the night before. First thing I wanted to do is switch of the alarm clock and sleep for the rest of the day. Even now after a good cup of coffee I could go to bed and be asleep within five minutes.

Reality is a hospital
The hospital is the outside world. The glass house is me. Although I can look trough the walls, I’m still not able to walk trough them. Looking trough doesn’t mean that everything is clear. There are reflections and images are warped as the light passes trough the class. I noticed that the house only had my essentials in it. That’s something that’s on my mind as well lately. Stripping my life down to it’s essentials. This is also the big point of conflict. What is essential?

I remember going on a holiday to France when I was about 18 years old. I camped out in the middle of nowhere for about a week. It surprised me how little you need when nature is supportive. There was a little river that supplied drinking water from the mountains and if I had my daily calories everything would be perfect. I was there and that was it. No television, radio, books. There, breathing and being in the company of plants and animals. Perfect.

But that’s not reality is it? No, reality is dealing with me, my glass house. Walls of glass. Should I take them down as well? And than there is the dark hospital. Where the hardware is treated. This is where the medicine comes from. Medicine right. This is where I’m poisoned with the drugs of reality. This is where I have to get my money medicine. It comes from a dark hospital with only a couple of nurses and doctors. They are not there to make me healthy. They represent the few clients I have supplying me with the essential money-medicine I need to survive the hospital. It’s a business deal just like a real hospital. As long as they make money of me I’m allowed to stay inn. The moment my physical body starts supporting me they replace me with another patient to do business with. It’s the antibiotics equation isn’t it.

Reality doesn't change
I think this sums it up. Me myself and my work. The process, my house and the outside world. A dark hospital where I get the little medicine to survive in the physical reality that’s called society, leaving a trail of blood as I go along. Bleeding the system. Getting rid of entities via the physical body because that’s the only thing I can trust.

And right at this moment my overweight neighbours start fucking. The noise they make seeping trough the walls is a great sound track to the horror movie I call ‘daily life’.