E-Valuating my accountability

Expectations
Not so long ago I was in the company of a couple I know very well and another person. There was a conversation going that had to do with the way the business was going and the business wasn’t going to well’. The man owns a company and there was a lot of ranting and gossiping about employees and former employees. Looking at it from his perspective and a matrix standpoint I could see what was going on. The whole thing mainly had to do with ‘motivation’ and ‘responsibility’. Feeling disappointed by people. Not being able to count on or trust people etc. It’s the  standard mechanism of looking for external factors for internal problems. A mechanism I’m very familiar with. Eventually it all comes back to where it all starts and that’s taking self-responsibility. It’s fucking tough but that’s how it is.

Addressing consequences as problems
Through Desteni I finally understand what it means. ‘The response ability’. Sitting there listening to all that was said I couldn’t put my finger on the whole thing. There was this energy response within me. I noticed I took sides in the matter. I participated. So I slowed myself down took a few breaths and refocussed. Give and thee shall receive. That was what was going trough my head. We all are confronted with our own manifested consequences and I was trying to understand what lay at the base of this persons ‘problems’ with other people and therefore ‘his business’.

I mean I know people cannot be trusted before I can trust myself and apply this trust practically. Not before I establish self-trust will I be able to see what’s really going on and see people I interact with for what they are and where their actions originate from. I first have to identify these mechanisms in me before I can even start to recognize them in others. So this whole conversation became quite interesting because I found myself stepping back and almost immediately this energy within me lessened.

I sat there and tried to listen and really hear the words spoken. At one point they where talking about the functioning of one of the staff members and him being not ‘that sharp’ (anymore). In other words one is not satisfied with that person in his role or occupation. However this person happened to be ‘In love’ and so it was not ‘that bad’?

Doesn't "not that bad" mean 'less good' = unsatisfactory = less profit = will get fired in the long run. This is in reverse so "not that bad" must be a justification for something...

My first internal question was: Why is a person less accountable if he or she is in love? And what’s next? Does it matter if one is in love, has a depression or is in denial? What mental state would be considered acceptable or preferable? Apparently one is not accountable if he or she is ‘in love’. So failing from that perspective could be called a ‘crime passion-el’ or ‘Mentally not accountable’. This get’s ever more interesting.

None Sense
What’s the pattern here? Where do these justifications come from? I mean they make no sense whatsoever. There must be a set of rules and they must be socially accepted otherwise more people would get fired for being ‘emotional’ because we 'all' are. I also remembered a fears response earlier when I stated that “being in love is like having a drug problem or mental disease”. Meaning: It's addictive, it fucks you up and it makes you high”. As if I had ‘no feelings’. So cold and emotionless. How could I compare those things...

Off coarse I have feelings and emotions that’s exactly my point. Not looking at them from a self-honest perspective or blindly obeying and reacting to them is what fucked me up every time all the time. I’m getting ever more cautious in that department.

This is all about accountability. The socially accepted pressure point where one fails to do what must be done and get’s away with it. It’s completely infused in the way we act, interact and from their build our morality structures. Looking at this point I find the outcome rather devastating. We are fucking ourselves in the head with this justification shit and everybody is participating. Ranting, raving, gossiping and justifying the fact that we are actually being completely self-dishonest to a point where the whole world has become what it is right now. A horrifying bowl of quilt so big, no one dares to even look at it. I also realize that justifying shit is a tip of a huge iceberg that exists within and as me as I walk this process.