12/16/2010

Facing the greatest evil...

16 12 2010 

‘seeing things but not acting uppon them’

My basic programming
Yes that’s what I do. From the first time I decided to skip a class in school till the last time I called in sick while this was not the case. I’m evil, I’m a preacher. Ones I started reading ‘books of old wisdom’ I thought some kind of veil was lifted. Making me holier than the pope. This whole 'veil' was off coarse part of the 'white light construct'. It made me belief I knew more than other people. It made me feel better, superior. So that moved me in a certain parking spot next to other 'lightworkers' or people who shared my insights. The ‘nobody understands us because we are the 'enlightend’ (fuckups) or something.

The Saboteurs
Guru’s, chakra systems, purifications, mantra, wisdom, ‘logic’, reincarnation, sferes, higher states-beings, planes of existence. It’s very easy to get fooled and completely loose it. And there are a lot of similarities with reading the Desteni material at first clance. That's the genius isn't it. It's right in front of everybody but nobody 'sees'. Anyway, that was my snug corner to program myself into the great fuckup for the years to come. Evolution, Evol-ution, Evilution.


Climpses of self-expression
One of the first concepts I saw for myself when I was about 19 years old was that of ‘energy’. I was watching the full moon pass trough my little bedroom window. Very slowly from left to right and somehow some switches where flipped. Something like, image-moonlight-fotons-energy-distance-time-observing-observer-thought-electricity-magnetism-field-resonance-influence-manifestation etc.. I was reading a lot of Vedic scriptures at the time and stephen hawking just got famous. I was also very intrigued by quantum mechanics although I only understood on an ‘intuitive’ level what was going on. One scientist I think it was Niels Bohr gave an example why quantum mechanics where so hard to understand for the ‘normal man’ in the street. It went something like:

“if 'the instrument' whe use to gather data that's more 'subtile' than
'the instrument', that instrument is not going to give you any data”.

This sentence has been with me ever since. I now realize my mind has been that system all along. I am such systems, a lot of them in fact.

So my next thought was ok, a thought is more subtle than my 12 volt battery. Common sense I suppose. Thoughts trigger neurons which is measurable as electricity. The thought itself is not. What substance is the thought made of?  Plus, when energy is created there is always magnetism. You cant see it and you cant smell it but I knew it was influencing everything. Fascinating stuff when you just started Art school.





Walking into the fuck-up
I was shocked, inspired, curious and about 19 years old. Tons of questions and luckily Art school gave me the change to invest a rather large amount of time into the matter. Art teachers love curiousity so they feeded me like a hungry pig.  I got completely lost in producing thoughts, stuff, art, objects. There where way to many pieces missing from my puzzle to see even a glimpse of the bigger picture. I was absolutely sure about reincarnation and the fact that what I experienced as reality was a manifested thing, a construct, something, everything but not all! I also was a weed smoking all over the place hormone bomb with an obsession for women, beauty and sex. No-bel price for my insights.

Thé Fuck-up of Spirituality
So by now my ‘spiritual’ quest for knowledge became/could be described as ‘recreational’. That’s what it became when I hit the next veil. "So there is more but it's so much my brain will never be able to understand and I don't have the patience to meditate yet". That was enough polarity to keep me dialed and occupied for more than 20 years. Imagine what would have happend if Desteni would have presented itself at that moment...

The greates shock I ever felt
So my really big questions started to accumulate but where completely surpressed. I remember the moment I came in contact with the Desteni material. I kind of got really intimidated, frightened and shocked. It was like this scene from 'Inception' where the whole world around you starts to collaps and fall apart and you are left with yourself as what you have created. I created a monster it was so clear to me. The more collapsed the more monster became vissible. It was my greatest night of horror ever.

The biggest present I ever got
It ‘ALL’ made sense. Mainly because I was missing all information regarding the inner workings of what I perceived as ‘reality’. Especially the part where Winged is speaking about the universe in Expression-flow versus polarity and more vibration. I can't find the specific videopassage but in essence it's about vibration that compounds and materializes. It’s like a fluid that changes viscosity. I knew about soundvibration. The higher the vibration the more get’s manifested. Because of this more space is needed so the universe expands to create space.

Creating gravity... 
More thoughts, more polarity, more manifestation, gravity, more chaos and inequality. But how does this work? I mean where becomes a thought a physical manifestation? Or is that thought all ready a physical manifestation? I was probably not allowed to see how this was constructed until I literally saw it happening in front of my eyes. It's me. It's the creation of me. It's all inside. I am the manifestation of all. I manifest so I create.




The genesis of invissability
Fluid behaving like matter the way matter behaves like a fluid, because it’s in a field! Create an invissible field and let it create creation and let creation try to define god which it can't because it is. - Genesis-Ge-ni-us - This was my eureka moment while reading the Desteni material. It was the confirmatiom/discovery my 'mind' as 'a man' as an ego needed. It was also the most depressing discovery ever because of the true ‘nature’ behind it all. Very shocking in every sence and minute that followed up to these words that I’m writing.

Insight to Faceplant
I just fell again and I’m in a ‘time loop’ where I’m mainly confronted with some very persistent points. Discipline-addictions-physical action-fear-guild-shame-ignorance-hiding and the list goes on and on. I read this Joe Kou post on the forum about his agreement. I found it to be very confronting. Maybe I felt jealous because he is doing what I should do. Push trough and bring it on immediately. It’s really fascinating to read that post for me because I had a physical reaction reading it. Very confronting seeing the same points addressed so clearly and knowing I myself am not there yet. I’m still fucking myself big time. In this observation I know I'm not self honest and at the same time I accept and allow for this 'state' to remain.

Thank you for sharing Joe. 

[manifested magnetism in ferrofluid]

12/11/2010

Compromising my process in not sharing my blog

11 12 2010

Making a change
I’m self employed. This started part-time the moment I decided not to be in the advertising-marketing business full-time anymore. So I quit and started working 3 days a week. I trained people with a handicap through individual coaching within the govermental Reintegration Agreement (IRO). I developed and taught a practical training Grafimedia. This was my new start and a change to get away from the corporate world that I worked in fore more than 15 years. A change to work directly with people and help them without having to get the necessary papers to work as a teacher. I was very happy to get this change and I gave it my best. Unfortunately the company I worked for went bankrupt a year later. I either had to find a new part-time job or try to make an income solely out of my own commercial activities. This was not the plan because this choice would guarantee a timeloop back to the same point and reason I quit my career in the field of marketing and advertising in the first place. A world where everything is sealed behind ‘the supposed image’ or ‘the intended image’ including the behaviour that has to go with it. That behaviour being ‘commercial etiquette or theater’ whatever you want to call it.


Sorry I forgot my-self
The corporate world is the espresso coffee as the world at large. It’s the money system speaking to all of us and It’s absolutely not ashamed to do so. Fine, reality doesn’t change and I have to make a living of this platform. What the hell let’s get on with it. I stepped in and tried to fit in. The first wall I ran into was the way I had programmed myself professionally over the last 15 years. I always worked for agencies inside creative teams. These where mostly shielded (for obvious reasons) from the agencies clients. Agencies thrive on creativity but they make damn shure these creative ‘freaks’ don’t leave the pen and distort the polished image the client has of the agency and vice versa. 



Ready for enslavement
Because I spend most of my time behind the closed walls of the agencies, there was no direct contact or experience with clients. The network I was building was with people in the same ‘field’ and they where definitely not potential clients for the future. So the moment I decided to become self employed there was nobody waiting for me to enter ‘the market’. So I decided to only do creative work I liked and that the money would have to come from somewhere else. In this way I was able to say no to clients that where only looking for a mercenary to do ‘executions’. 

This worked. If there is a way to do it together, let’s do it. If not, my answer would be “no, find someone else”. I was surprised how much power a definite ‘no’ has. People don’t expect it. They go away but come back because in this ‘no’ was also their ‘truth’. The organisation I worked for and was depended on for paying my bills went bankrupt. I was entitled for financial compensation for the 3 days a week I worked there. I earned the right for approximately 2 years of compensation. So I decided to try and get my own company of the ground in this time given. 

Confrontation with my programming
So this worked for me until I had to fall back on my ‘commercial’ activities completely to make an income for myself. Now the money became more important than truth so I started to do what all salesmen do. I started to lie and bluff to get the jobs. I became a mirror that reflected back answers that where already in the questions of my so called clients. In my way I tried to play their game but I didn’t know the rules by wich the game was played. It was not part of my system. I’m not trained to be an effective salesperson. I was the creative studioguy. So I didn’t fit the corporate-consultant profile and people noticed. Again and again I was stereotyped as this nutcase, dreamer, talker etc. From a corporate standpoint this is fully understandable. A guy in a corporate suit should behave like one. I did not so I was not.




The illusion of 'having a partner'
One big project that ran 2008-2009 brought in a fair amount of money. I decided to invest. I was able to buy a decent enough car for  the first time. Bought a decent computer and a digital camera so I would be completely self supportive. But projects don’t fall from the sky and 2009 ended rather dramatically. Come 2010 I found myself in a deep crisis. The relationship I was in ended very unexpected and in a way that completely blew me of my feet. I really thought I was with the love of my life and although we had things to work on I somehow accepted them as part of ‘being in a relationship’. The sex was ‘out of this world’ and I never had been so intimate and shameless with another human being. Nothing prepared me for the way this relationship ended and I was shattered and very angry. On the other hand I realized this was the first time I started seeing relationships out of the usual context of ‘love and happiness’. I ‘felt’ secure in a relationship when in fact it was all illusion. I had fooled myself and was apparently not able to see what was really going on. So am I able to be objective in the first place? Big questions no answers.

Losing myself in relationship
I was completely locked up in this relationship pattern. All my relationships started from the same point of polarity and according to my programming led to the usual secret thoughts, time loops and complete fuckedupness. My last relationship felt like all relationships all over again. The interesting part being that this time no arguments fore the brake up where given. No evaluation, no contact, no reconciliation, nothing. This made me very angry and very sad. Who the fuck is this other person I thought I knew and could trust completely? I was shocked that things could play out like this between 'lovers' that gave each other a defenitive yes. I did not see it coming. Because of the anger I was able to create some kind of distance between me and my former relationships. Conclusion being that relationships are hiding places for those who avoid self responsibility. I knew because that was what I always did. Being more involved in ‘us’ and ‘the other’ than myself ‘in the matter'.


Beyond reasonable doubt
I started the ITD and sooner or later my blog has to be shared with the world. Now here is the ‘problem’. In the corporate world I try to present this picture of myself. I hope the impression my clients have of this ‘picture’ is good enough for them to mention my name if one of there ‘buddies’ or business partners need someone like me. This mouth to mouth thing is how it works in the corporate world. You don’t deal with one devil, you become part of a pack of devils. In order to be that ‘tip of the tongue guy’ that gets mentioned, the other devils must have enough confidence in my devilish skills to mention my name. Now one of my clients is going to land on my blog sooner or later. What happens? He’s not going to read it all. Some scanning is done. Drug use, addiction points, fetishes, insecurity, opinions. It’s all there for everybody to read which I think is ok. But this guy or girl is not going to want to have anything to do with the contents of my blog or me in relation to his business buddies. They will probably kick me out of the devils pack immediately. “This guy believes in equal money and want’s to advice us on marketing strategies? Are we nuts?”. Something like that. 



Stay or go
So on the one hand I want to share my process on the other hand I don’t want to loose the little space I claim in the corporate world because that is where my income comes from for now. Opening up my blog to the (corporate) world will probably be commercial suicide. J said “link to the equal money website from your website and leave it there for now”. On the other hand I would like to share myself with all. So a point I’m struggling with at the moment.



12/03/2010

Hello I’m Mike

02 12 2010 
Introduction to the forum

I was born on November 21 in 1968. As a child I got pretty much fucked in the 70’s and 80’s and got totally lost in the 90’s. The world has always been a place I couldn’t crasp. I grew up in the east of Holland in a very liberal (katholic) dutch family structure. Everything was easy for me as a child and I could do what I wanted to do. Few rules where set for me. No worries just play. Discipline was for the military and they where not popular in the seventies. Later on this lack off discipline resulted in problems. SchooI, learning, social structures, work and money. I see discipline as a great virtue but I have very little of it. I went to art school when I was about 19 years old. That’s when I really started questioning the world around me but there was no internet and I was all over the place (dutch weed culture). I spent most of my time as a child in nature and the thing that intrigued me the most was this contrast between nature and men. Couldn’t understand this huge cap. Perfection and chaos on the same planet? Didn’t make sense to me. So I started investigating. Twenty years later after a ‘career’ (lol) in advertising lot’s of sadness, relationships, Sanskrit, yoga, purifications, secret doctrine and childbirth, I got stuck and crashed really, really hard. No answers. Vague concepts about the afterlife, enlightenment etc. But no certainty, not knowing and no logic (common sense). I had the worst depression ever and to be honest, it felt like dying. Happy didn’t exist and ‘I hated’ this world and everything in it. Now at this time I’m as lonely as I whas ever going to be so I decided to get a Facebook page and I meet this old friend online. She decides to pay me a visit and after talking (a lot) I here the word “Desteni” for the first time. So I start reading and one by one all the questions that where never answered got an answer that same evening. I was shocked. It all made sense but was NOT what I expected. I’m sure there is more of you that where as shocked as I am. But... There is no way back. Back doesn’t exist. What remains is the definition of me in this world. That definition is fear.

I feel fear. I feel it a lot. It’s with me everyday. Sometimes I ignore it. Sometimes I laugh about it. But the most scary thing I do is to deny, hide or run from it. People that know me may find this very strange. They think because I always was a thrill seeker that took risks, I somehow have no problem with fear. Well here is the trick. The fears I look up are not really fears. Be it in BMX or in the mountains or whatever, they are challenges. Little battles with myself that I want to win. The fears that haunt me are the ones I disguise. I don’t confront myself with them and I don’t dissolve them and I don’t share them out of shame and ego. A big mindfuck. My fears, define me. I don’t talk about them because they are ever present and they always trigger a flight response. These fears are around every corner. I could be making coffee and this single thought or image instantly triggers a physical reaction. I kind of cramp up. It’s like being attacked with static energy. I can feel it in my stomach. A thought that defined some kind of fear and immediately the fear is manifested. Creating fear is simple, just think about it.

What is my biggest fear? Money. The illusion off money. The way it has determined my whole life and me accepting and allowing this to happen. From the first job to the last relationship. Money has determined the way I programmed myself. The end of the month steadily grew into my biggest fear. Got to have money! Everybody knows. This macho thrill seeker finds himself confronted with the fact he is not the big personality he thinks he is. Has to play a game way out off his comfort zone. A game of hide and seek in a corporate world where nothing = equal and everything is based on eliminating threat. I’m just there to collect the money on my part. I can only do this if I play the game according to the rules. This depresses me. It makes me hate the things I do so I’m actually hating myself. And off coarse it has to be fun. All that seriousness, it has to be fun right? Work and life has to be fun? That’s hammered into me since I can remember.

Who said that work had to be fun? I work because of the bills and the bills frighten me. So there you have it, fear and frustration. Isn’t that a nice state of mind. It makes you want to crawl in a corner and die. It made me blind and it lamed me. I want to avoid fear and frustration. It’s depressing and you don’t see great groups off people hanging around a depressed person (unless they get paid to do so). So to the outside world I try or have to present or act out this character that isn’t me and is a fake. This off coarse triggers even more frustration, aggression and depression because I’m never self honest.

So here I am. I failed. No big bungalow, no career in advertising, the bank owns the house and on paper it’s mine, genius. If the current money system rules the world does money rule me? Yes it does. Not only does it rule me, it determined everything I was and have become. I speak the language of the world, I live and speak the language of money and fear.

I used to love work. Doing stuff, learning stuff, seeing stuff. I don’t have that anymore. There is no urge to be ‘successful’. Since I started writing my fears have intensified. Looking back is shocking looking into the future frightens me even more. So it’s here and now. Stopping in every moment realising that there is another moment after another etc. The list doesn’t seem to end. This goes up to a point where It’s too much, too depressing, can’t do it and eventually ‘I’ give up. So I give up. If I’m incapable I’m not accountable. So maybe god can forgive me or some guru can take on my ‘karma’ I don’t want the responsibility. There it is, my biggest confrontation with fear is being confronted with what I have accepted and allowed to become me and not wanting to deal with my own responsibility for it.

Now in order to resolve me, I will have to address every single point that created this entity. But the sheer size of this project is so intimidating. I mean, I can hardly get my head around it. It scares me! So there is my loop from fear to fear. This loop will sustain itself until I’m able to break the spin. This is my first step of that process.

Thanks,

Mike

11/24/2010

The big illusion of love.

24 11 2010
“It’s like someone is camping in your head”

J was right. “I will fall”. And I fell. There was no escaping it. Had to face it all. And it all had to come back. Point after point. I see an image of a woman, turns into s*x. Then my mind starts to amplify things even adding more images to the orgy. Same with weed. It’s like looking at my myself as the dumbest f*ck I’ve ever seen. And this is where I judge myself very heavily. Everything gets judged and I lock myself up. So there it is. Women, relationships, s*x, fetish, masturbation and addiction. A single picture is enough to reset the whole thing. Back to zero. I can say I was able to surpress my addictions for a certain amount of time, Hura. Being selfhonest about and transforming them is a different story. I came nowhere near confronting myself as self in this matter. Didn’t write so it was all in the head, big mindfuck. Got sick and scared of myself. This urge to be with someone. To escape into this nightmare of love and cosiness.

It feels like I’m being watched. And that would be me watching at the same time. Mister knowitall judging away at himself. Completely lost, empty and scared. Looking at what I have become. A dreamy human being especially in my actions. And this brings so much shame and guild. I know I have a choice but I also know that this choice has to be made over and over again. Into infinity untill I stand. The thoughts I have about this continuous confrontation with myself often triggers a flight-attack and that is where my addiction points and myself meet. That is where mister knowitall has to become mister doitall. J is right I’m slow very slow. I’m really scared because of what is happening to me right now. Never felt so alone and lost at the same time. No structure, no motivation and a lot of self judgement. I must accept that I’m not this hyper talking boy, I’m just as scared as the rest of us. When it comes to selfhonesty? I wouldn’t know where to start. I’m a human robot with an extremely fucked up operating system. At least I'm sure of that.

Illusion

So I must forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get addicted to pictures in this world
that I have accepted and allowed myself to Identify and program myself according to these pictures
that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my own pictures in the physical.
that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the pictures more important than reality.
that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore my-self-abuse
that I have accepted and allowed myself to blaim myself for being a coward in facing myself as self
that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lack of discipline.
that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop being really intimate with myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop being honest
that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up story’s to present a better ‘picture’ of myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie out of shame
that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear for the shame-system-demon-whatever.
that I have accepted and allowed myself to remove my s*xuality from the physical to the mental.
that I have accepted and allowed myself to become something I want to shake of as soon as possible.
that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep judging and to have judgement all the time.
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath although that would have been the best thing to do
that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the urge of sharing these dark thoughts because of fear of being judged.
that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into this request of the ego to present ‘the perfect picture’.
that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep abusing myself and stopping the process of helping myself.
that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to drinking alcohol with a friend because that’s the routine.
that I have accepted and allowed myself to not act in the moment of being confronted with ‘stopping’ (points).
that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a situation where I have to start all-over again.


 All for now.

#iduaal #ideal #idoall

11/15/2010

15 11 2010
Falling hard

I’m depressed. Lying in bed with a shitload of work to do. My body gave up on me yesterday. Everything hurts and I,m barely able to get out of bed. No fever just pain and a terrible headache. The last month I had a lot off work to do and in came some money. I thought I had my priorities straight and I was reasonably disciplined in my actions. I stopped writing because I thought I was too busy with my business responsibilities. Reading the material and at the same time working in the corporate world was an utterly schizophrenic situation. I got kind of lost, no anchors. Being in a car for an hour driving up to a client. Trying to breath trough it all. Not being able to stabilize myself and taking this state with me in my work was frightening. I got very insecure about my overall ability to deal with myself.

I find balancing the destini material and my ‘daily life’ hard as hell. Reality doesn’t change but it sure hit’s hard sometimes. I’m not standing equal, I’m not applying self forgiveness, didn’t write wen it was necessary. This accumulated into the present state I’m in I think. A lot of information got stored which I did not act upon. I’ve been smoking weed on a daily bases for more than twenty years. After reading the Desteni article about weed addiction. I quit three months ago. Fantastic. Hardly no problems or graving. But I still had four weedplants in the garden. I decided not to remove them because of the money they would bring in (money is a big issue for me). In holland it’s allowed to grow up to five plants for personal use. How wrong is this? Very wrong and definitively not best for all. So the moment came to harvest this shit and there I was cutting away in a blaze of THC gas. After I finished the first batch I cleaned my scissor of the accumulated oil and there I was holding this tiny ball of first grade exclusive hashoil. I didn’t even think about it. It was rolled into a paper and I smoked it.

The moment I have to stop is the moment I decide to go against the decision I made with myself. But I didn’t so I’m back to square one. Not only the weed came back full force. All addictions points started ranting again.

Former ‘relationships’, sex, women, friendships, children, work, working, being self supportive, self trust, motivation etc. A mindsoup and a massive depression in which I was doing everything the way I always did. At the same time I was extremely disappointed with myself. So ashamed I couldn’t honestly share what was happening and what I was doing. Human-being-no control. It’s just fucking hard for me at the moment. I’m not sad. I don’t feel like crying. I’m not mad or angry. I can’t describe the state I’m in. It hurts that’s for shure. It actually feels like torture. Self torture off coarse.

I’ve been looking for deeper meaning to this earthly existence for a very long time. Investigated yoga systems, read the books. I think it was the Secret doctrine by Helena Blavatsky that scared the crap out of me. It made kind of sense. But it didn’t convcince. It stayed in the abstract. I kind of gave up. Some mysteries simply remain. Desteni hit me like a hammer. After all I did, all I read, it simply made sense. It filled all the caps I had. But it wasn’t what I expected.

I’m struggling like I’ve never struggled before. I know how simple it is. Either I’ll make it or I won’t. And immediately my ego starts to intervene. Yo cannot give up. Got to win this. Get you re act together etc. It’s fear. It’s always fear.

I’m scared of not making it.

10/01/2010

01 10 2010 Computer says no

Money, money, money.
Worked my ass off last week. Had to finish a videoproject. Half way through I checked with the client if everything was ok. It was, so I continued editing. Then I had this horrible thing with my hard disks being locked and I couldn’t access any files including other projects. In the mean time I was observing myself and I tried to breath through the stress. Had to work for nearly 48 hours straight to get the stuff done on deadline. So I managed to do this and although I was tired beyond belief, there was a sense of satisfaction. The first reaction from my client was positive. Which was a big relief because I’m financially drained to the last penny. I really need the money. This is where things start to get really fucked up.

Because of the peer pressure on generating income there is a permanent stress level in everything I do. It’s money, money, money. Must be funny. Well it ain’t funny. It sucks. Then I was in for a surprise. Got an email from the client stating that they where not satisfied with the end result of my work. So a no after a yes after a break to test where we stood in this project. So I’m of work and into disaster management. The contract was a ‘nocurenopay’ thing. And I had to write an extensive email to make my point. Another half day down the drain, my heart is pounding and I cannot breath.

This is 24 hours ago and I haven’t received a reply. It’s all nice and cosy with this guy until the money subject comes to the table. Than it’s down to business and the blaming game begins. I noticed that people start their emails with “Hi” when things are smooth and then switch to “Dear” when it comes to discussing problems. Anyway I’m so fucked up at the moment.

Introduction Course Desteni
Today the email regarding the Desteni ITD course came in and I took the necessary steps to apply. Don’t know how I’m going to pay for it because I’m financially drained. I applied for a job as a department manager at a callcenter. I got a call today and had a chat with one off their representatives. She was nice and had a positive feeling about our conversation. So let’s stand and see what that will bring. Meanwhile a project in Apeldoorn has restarted. Have to finish a brochure incuding photography in less than four days wich is bizarre to say the least. Got a bad ‘feeling’ about this.

Tracking progression
Must say that although on paper my life is a disaster, I’m actually quit centred and disciplined. Somehow I don’t flip like I used to do and I’m able to remain calm. I’m aware of my own actions most of the time. I’m feeling these points in my fingertips for a couple of weeks now. Not sure if it’s stress or awareness? Sleeping is a disaster. Because of the things I simply had to get done. My nights where short and very irregular. Falling a sleep was no issue because I simply fell into coma’s the moment I hit the mattress.

I’m observing and try to be as aware as the daily situation allows me to be. I’m working inside the Matrix so I must be there as the matrix otherwise it all goes ‘Kansas by by”. But it eat’s me. I feel locked inside a robot most of the time. It all makes sense but I’m not laughing my pants off if you know what I mean. Cant help feeling very lonely most of the time. I’m on an island. It seems that most things social come with spending money. I had to cancel my first evening out with friends in a long time because of money. 

I say friends but to be honest, what is there to share? It almost hurts to admit that there is not much left at the moment. My best friends daughter had a birthday last week so I visited with my daughter. I felt like an alien in between the people present. They all have steady jobs and “happy-lives” so who am I to... Had a couple of words with my friend. Asked him how he did and how the business was going. Great, extremely busy etc. I’m struggling with it. Not going to ask for help. Did it once and that definitively didn’t work.

If the main reason is money everything get’s fucked up. Then there is this time issue. He makes long days and complains he doesn’t have time. That’s because he has a yacht that consumes the bigger of his time. It’s so obvious. He is the “have” I am the “have not”. More the “Halve nut” actually. Because nearly everybody that knows me thinks I’m at least “strange”.

I'm talking about 'friends' here. At the same time I understand. They just can’t relate to me. Logical, It’s hard for me to relate to them. Common sense?

So am I drifting? Yes. Do I feel lonely? Yes. Is there pain? Yes. Is there depression? Yes. Am I still standing? Yes. 

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to get angry with clients knowing they play the ‘money fuck you game’

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel lonely

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel depressed

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel depended up on my clients

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel instead of observing ‘my’ feelings

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to yawn and not stop there in the moment and breath

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to get completely consumed by work

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel guilty for not sharing my process, ‘emotions’, deeper thoughts, with my best friend

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to disconnect socially in order to ‘get the jobs done’

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel sorry for myself

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be sad for not seeing my daughter as often as I would

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be frustrated and look at women as ‘pictures’

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to take time-out to reflect on the situation at hand

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to lie about my private life in order to keep up a good ‘business impression’

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to get lost in thoughts that are merely associations instead of logical equations

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel quilty writing this blogpost instead of getting the work done

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to to cook proper food for myself for lack of time

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear the stuff I have to learn during the introduction course

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to fully trust Desteni

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to think Desteni could be the best scheme ever invented

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to look at the equal money system figures from a business point of view

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel a bad father

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be in peace with not having to pay for child support

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel better off than other people

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel obligated towards my parents because they where so tolerant towards me

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be mad at my father for not teaching me discipline

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to have sex as a gift instead of fully participating in the physical act

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear blogging

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to open my blog to the public already

9/28/2010

28 09 2010 Bloodtype

What Makes a 'Type O' an Individual?
Feeling tottaly stressed today. So dove into my bloodtype.

What makes Me Me and You You?

This is the question that is at the heart of the genetic puzzle. It is also central to our exploration of blood types. The key is genetic heritage - the story line of your life. Even though you are living in the 21st century, you share a common bond with your ancestors. The genetic information that resulted in their particular characteristics has been passed on to you.

People who are O blood type have a different set of characteristics than people who are Type B or Type A - they are susceptible to different diseases, they should eat different foods and exercise in a completely different manner. Some believe that personality is influenced by blood type! Dr. D'Adamo, author of the best selling books Eat Right for Your Type and Live Right for Your Type, among others, gives us a blueprint for living in his books. Read on to learn more about the Type O individual.

The Blood Type O Individualized Lifestyle

Why are some people plagued by poor health while others seem to live healthy, vital lives even late in life? Does blood type influence personality? A single drop of blood contains a biochemical make up as unique as your fingerprint. Your blood type is a key to unlocking the secrets to your biochemical individuality. Foods and supplements contain lectins that interact with your cells depending on your blood type. This explains why some nutrients which are beneficial to one blood type, may be harmful to the cells of another. Dr. Peter D’Adamo, the author of the best selling books Eat Right for Your Type and Live Right for Your Type gives Type O’s some tips on leading a healthy lifestyle.

The Type O Profile

Type O was the first blood type, the type O ancestral prototype was a canny, aggressive predator. Aspects of the Type O profile remain essential in every society even to this day – leadership, extroversion, energy and focus are among their best traits. Type O’s can be powerful and productive, however, when stressed Type O’s response can be one of anger, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. When Type O wiring gets crossed, as a result of a poor diet, lack of exercise, unhealthy behaviors or elevated stress levels, Type O’s are more vulnerable to negative metabolic effects, including insulin resistance, sluggish thyroid activity, and weight gain. When you customize your life to Type O’s strengths you can reap the benefits of your ancestry. Your genetic inheritance offers you the opportunity to be strong, lean, productive, long-lived and optimistic.

What Makes You Unique

As a Blood Type O you may be predisposed to certain illnesses, such as ulcers and thyroid disorders. In the 1950’s it was discovered that Type O’s had about twice the instances of ulcers of all kinds than the other blood types. These findings have been replicated many times since then. Type O’s tend to have low levels of thyroid hormone and often exhibit insufficient levels of iodine, a chemical element whose sole purpose is thyroid hormone regulation. This causes many side effects such as weight gain, fluid retention and fatigue. Dr. D’Adamo does not recommend iodine supplements, rather a diet rich in saltwater fish and kelp to help regulate the thyroid gland. Bladder Wrack is also an excellent nutrient for type O’s. This herb, actually a seaweed, is very effective as an aid to weight control for Type O’s. “The fucose in bladder wrack seems to help normalize the sluggish metabolic rate and produce weight loss in Type O’s,” says Dr. D’Adamo.

Type O’s also have a higher level of stomach acid than the other blood types, which often results in stomach irritation and ulcers. Dr. D’Adamo recommends a licorice preparation called DGL (de glycyrrhizinated licorice) which can reduce discomfort and aid healing. DGL protects the stomach lining in addition to protecting it from stomach acids. Avoid crude licorice preparations as they contain a component of the plant which can cause elevated blood pressure. This component has been removed in DGL. Dr. D'Adamo also recommends Mastic Gum and Bismuth to soothe Type O's common and even frequent tummy troubles.

Type O Personality?

In Japan, blood type has long been associated with personality type. You might well be asked your blood type on a job interview! In an independent study of 45 MBA students, Type O’s most often described themselves in ways related to the following characteristics; responsible, decisive, organized, objective, rule-conscious, and practical. Both male and female Type O’s reported a higher percentage of the mesomorphic body type when compared to controls. Interestingly, Type O’s also scored significantly higher than the rest in “sensing” – using the 5 senses to gather information, and in the sensing-thinking combination, indicating that they are more detail and fact oriented, logical, precise and orderly. “I believe that the tendency to sense and get facts right stems from the inbred hunter-gatherer need to observe and accurately assess the environment in order to insure survival.” Says D’Adamo.

Manage Your Type O Stress

The legacy of your Type O ancestry causes an immediate “fight or flight” response in people of this blood type. However, this finely tuned response to stress, so vital in early Type O’s, is not always so beneficial in modern times. The Type O response can cause bouts of excessive anger, temper tantrums, hyperactivity and even create a severe enough chemical imbalance to bring about a manic episode. Since there is a powerful, synergistic relationship between the release of dopamine and feelings of reward, Type O is more vulnerable to destructive behaviors when overly tired, depressed or bored. These can include gambling, sensation seeking, risk taking, substance abuse and impulsivity. To avoid becoming overstressed, Dr. D’Adamo recommends following the Type O diet, which focuses on lean, organic meats, vegetables and fruits and avoid wheat and dairy which can be triggers for digestive and health issues in Type O. Additionally, he suggests that Type O’s avoid caffeine and alcohol. Caffeine can be particularly harmful because of its tendency to raise adrenaline and noradrenaline, which are already high for Type O’s.

Energize - The Essential Exercise Component

Type O’s benefit tremendously from brisk regular exercise that taxes the cardiovascular and muscular skeletal system. But the benefit derived surpasses the goal of physical fitness. Type O also derives the benefit of a well timed chemical release system. The act of physical exercise releases a swarm of neurotransmitter activity that acts as a tonic for the entire system. The Type O who exercises regularly also has a better emotional response. You are more emotionally balanced as a result of well regulated, efficient chemical transport system. More than any other blood type, O’s rely on physical exercise to maintain physical health and emotional balance. Dr. D’Adamo suggests that Type O’s engage in regular physical activity three to four times per week. For best results, engage in aerobic activity for thirty to forty five minutes at least four times per week. If you are easily bored, choose two or three different exercises and vary your routine.

Live Right!

In addition to exercising and eating foods that are Right For Your Type, here are a few key lifestyle strategies for Type O individuals:
Develop clear plans for goals and tasks – annual, monthly, weekly, daily to avoid impulsivity.
Make lifestyle changes gradually, rather than trying to tackle everything at once.
Eat all meals, even snacks, seated at a table.
Chew slowly and put your fork down between bites of food.
Avoid making big decisions or spending money when stressed.
Do something physical when you feel anxious.
Engage in thirty to forty five minutes of aerobic exercise at least four times per week.
When you crave a pleasure releasing-substance (alcohol, tobacco, sugar), do something physical.


Dr. D’Adamo recommends that Type O, “Approach this program as a long term strategy. This is not a short term goal, rather a lifestyle that you adapt for a lifetime of health and well being. There is no doubt that there is a connection between the mind and the body. The knowledge that we can do something to change our genetic destiny is powerful.”

http://www.dadamo.com/bloodtype_O.htm

Fear and depression

28 09 2010 / 09:30

Money, frustration and fear
I’m typing this  post on my old laptop because I cannot work on my main computer. I’ve been working on a videoproject for 4 days now and it has to be finished tommorow. Couldn’t work through the weekend because my daughter was here. No problem because I had it all planned. Yesterday evening I finished the rough cuts of 8 videos for my client. I exported the files to mp4 format from I movie wich takes a long time. So during exporting I was looking into desteni posts on facebook. I don’t know wat happened exactly but after I returned back to I movie my disks where locked. Couldn’t acces any of my harddisks. I freaked. This means I couldn’t acces the projects the videos, everything was hidden. I rebooted the system from a backup disk. Didn’t help.

Fully posessed
This has to do with ‘disk-priviliges’ so I run disk emergency. It was 01.30. and the program told me it would take freaking 13 hrs. Nearly every file on my computer was corrupted. I kind of panicked. 13 hrs and I did not know If things would be fixed. So I took a few deep breaths and told myself to be patient and go to bed to get some sleep. Couldn’t do anything more than wait. I was in a mess. And it happened again. I allowed myself to masturbate without considering self honesty. Came 3 times. I felt so fucked up. And it hit me. Project-money-fear-frustration-anger. It’s always the same equation that triggers this masturbation thing. It disgusts me and at the same time I know I shouldn’t go there. Have to forgive myself and look at it as myself. I know I have to stop in the moment, Right there when the urge to give in is at it’s strongest. I couldn’t do it. So an addiction point. I’m so full of uncertainty and fear. it makes me sick. Didn’t sleep well.


As I got up the program said 1,5 days to restore...
I nearly fainted. 2 projects that have to be finished within 2 days. This can’t be happening. As I write this there is still no certainty if things will be fixed. And even if the disk privileges are restored will my disks be accessible? Then this has to be communicated with my clients who are anxiously awaiting results that where actually finished for presentation. There in front of me on a hardisk I cannot acces because a stupid combination of ones and zeros. Right now a mail comes inn from that other client that says he want’s his stuff tommorow. I’m dieing here. Fuck!

17.00 Reality doesn’t change
Program is still restoring disk privileges. Don’t know if it’s going to work. Improvised between the laptop and the main system today. My stomach feels like a melting pot and my fingers are tingling. It looks as if this could take at least 6 more hours, so it’s not going to get done today. Checked my bank account. It’s horrible. Applied for a job in a callcenter. Something has to be done. This week is killing me. Even if my clients pay in time (which they never do) there will be problems because I used my reserves to the last drop. Can’t take a full-time job because of these 2 lucrative projects I’m doing right now. Will have to ask my parents for help, promised myself I would never do that again. I’m getting really depressed right now. Could cry if it wasn’t so pathetic. I feel lost.

Last weekend I visited T His daughter was having a birthday party. Lot’s of people and I felt lost again. Discussions that went straight past me because I couldn’t adept to the small talk. So I observed and took deep breath’s. It felt really alien to me and it made me sad. I don’t want to feel sad. I know that emotion is not real but I felt it. I felt it when I dropped my daughter off at school on monday. She walked over the yard to the door and something just broke inside me. It’s depression it must be. Really tired, think I’m going to cry anyway.

04.25 
This is getting a rather long night. Found a data rescue program that allowed me to retrieve my data bypassing the diskprivileges. Got the movie files running again but no sound. So I will probably have another two hours of work. Tired.

9/21/2010

08 04 2010 Eight steps

By: Bernard Poolman


We’ll have a talk about the 8 basic steps a person goes through in their process.
The steps are:

(1) The Self-Deceiver
Self-Deceivers are those that design deliberately, systems within which they have Complete Control and Benefit and where they trap people through the written word, legal word, into these systems and make sure that they believe it unquestionably, so that they remain in control of the System. So the Elite, Illuminati and so on, falls in the level of the Self-Deceiver - also those that write the religious books and get followers from that perspective, all within the realm of Self-Deceivers. They are presenting Humanity as an existent force that is “faulty,” and has no Opportunity or Means to Ever be anything more than “Completely Fucked.” Okay?

Then you get those that - the next step, which is, from there you move from Self-Deceiverto

(2) Self-Loser.
What is a Self-Loser? A Self-Loser is one that has gone to the Pinnacle of their Self-Deception – realized that they were just harming others in what they were doing, and then they “Give up” everything and they virtually become a beggar, and they collapse in the system completely. They then become a “Constant Loser,” they refuse to participate in anything, they withdraw from society, and they would at that stage, see themselves as incapable of ever “amounting to anything,” and simplistically either eventually moving on to the next stage or becoming completely demented and obviously die and have to do the next cycle.

The third step is the

(3) Self-Illusionist.
The Self-Illusioner is somebody that unquestioningly participates in the system according to what they’ve been taught by their parents. So if the parents was a Christian, they’re a Christian. They read their Bible. They do All the things that are required of them according to their education to be a “Good Person” in the System. They are not asking any questions. They accept the system and the world the way it is and the accept the position and the “where they are” in the world as it is, and they have no qualms with, they are very happy with it, they work within the System. They’re completely Self-Illusioners. That means, they cannot even perceive of the illusion at all.

Next ones are the

(4) Self-Delusioners.
These ones are actively participating in talking themselves into delusion. They use things like meditation, mantras, prayers, energy work and so on, where they Create their Own Delusion by Actively Participating in methods of creating delusion, and then they promote their illusion as their experience as if it was real. There you have your Charismatic Ones, your Light Workers, your Islamic –

Darryl: Gurus, basically.

Yeah, basically all those that are working towards a “Higher Position” away from the “Lower Position,” and thus creating a Greater Gap in the separation, and they are doing it deliberately and they call it their own “self-betterment.” They do not work for Perfection. They are making themselves “better.” “Better” than others. They do not Realize the Interconnectiveness of all things and how separation would influence everything through Polarity – and therefore, go to the Extreme point, because in that they are – it’s called in Afrikaans, “Self-heerlekken,” they are “self-realized” glorifying themselves. So your Light Workers or those that are moving towards that perspective of a “Greater Light” or “Ascension” and so on, that is a point they called Self-glorification, where you are Glorifying Yourself as God, when you are not that In Fact. You are not In Fact as That Perfection, you’re In Fact not living it, you’re not In Fact That Divinity but you Claim That Divinity – that is Self-Glorification. That is Great Deception. Okay? You’ve all seen that mentioned before.

Then... from there you move on to the point of the

(5) Self-Justifiers.
The Self-Justifier has to a degree have realized that there are certain things that is “Not Okay” in Reality. But they will justify their point of view because they’ll utilize reason, logic and so on, from the perspective of n Free Will and the fact that they have a Right to it because of all their previous experiences already they have built this idea about themselves and therefore they will justify their positions, and instead of building Groups of Strength that can bring a difference or correction in this world, they will specifically Justify how they will Divide groups. They will Justify why only Their View Is Right when their Point of View when Practically Applied will not be Best For All. But they will be Unwilling to embrace what is Best For All because they will Feel that they will Lose their Identity, because they don’t have enough Self-Value as who They Are. They require Some Form of Separation to have Identity, and that is obviously their Downfall and they will have Justifiable Reasons Why their Fear or Point of Separation is Valid according to them, and then go as far as saying, “I don’t care what You think about it, but this is Right for Me – and I will walk This, and I will give you the Same Right to Do This; not realizing in that you are separating everyone and in fact embracing the Very System from the Deceivers and the Losers and all the previous stages that are inherent in who you are.

From the Self-Justifiers, you then get at last to a point where a sense of forgiveness, of humbleness and a sense of Oneness is Realized. Understand that the Oneness within the Self-Justifier never embraces equality. The Oneness is the Oneness of the Self-Delusion. The Self-Delusioner move to the Self-Justifier where they claim the Oneness is a form of Uniqueness, as a form of Free Will. But that is delusional. The Self-Delusioners will be using things like the Law of Attraction, they will use Trancing, not realizing that whenever you Trance, You Are Possessed! I mean, that is what a Trance mean! Something takes you Over of an Energetic Nature and you have Created It Yourself – therefore, you have created a Trance.

Matti: “It’s like a Self-Sovereignty.”

Yes.

Matti:“That Oneness.”

Yes. Okay. So when you get to – from the Justifier, you move to the

(6) Self-Realizers.
A Self-Realizer is somebody that is starting to realize that there is a Problem and that they have to do Self-Correction. And they will be using Self-Forgiveness and Self-Honesty extensively from the perspective of Walking Backwards In Their Life and reassessing existence and their lives by doing everything in reverse, and thus doing correction. They are not yet at the stage where they will start looking at Perfecting Themselves, they are still just Correcting Themselves. Therefore they are Still Building Self-Trust, Self-Trust is not yet existent, but they realize it’s gonna be a Process and they are walk that process. The Self-Realizers is the ones that will Walk the process of the 7 Year Process – that’s your 7 Year Process.

From the Self-Realizers you go to the

(7) Self-Perfecters.
The Self-Perfecters have reached the Point of Nothing. They have reached the Point from the Perspective of Being Here As Breath and now they are starting to Direct Themselves in their practical, active Participation in this world with Very Clear Principles which they Stand By, No Matter What. That stage, the Self-Perfecters you’re now starting to Apply Equality within Self-Perfection in your Daily Life and you are now starting to understand Your Role you play within Creation and how it Plays Out and how Within Limitation can Be Perfect within and as Breath.

Once you’ve got that Clearly, cuz that’s still Labor, you have to Labor to do it, you have to Program to do it, you have to Become it. You’re still in Process, the level of the Self-Perfectors. Once that is Done, you come to the final point existent in this Reality, which is

(8) Self-Here. 
Then you’re just Here and you are able to Move Between All of the Dimensions that is existent Without Any Effort. Okay?

So, this is the Stages One can Define to Assist you when you are Dealing with somebody to See Where They Are and when you Know where they are, How To Approach Supporting them in their process using Common Sense, using Self-Honesty and using the Principle of the Eventual Self-Perfection that Must Come after Self-Correction and Self-Realization.

Makes Sense?

Veno - Self Forgiveness - Male Ego

As transcribed and typed by Veno through the interdimensional portal
28 10 2007

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define myself according to the ego of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I am the ego of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to utilize the ego of the mind to define myself as to hide the insecurities, fear and inferiority I experience within me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the Ego of the mind is the polarity manifestation of the mind as superiority to hide and cover the inferiority and insecurity I actually experience inside myself but don’t want anyone to see or notice through fear that they may judge me if they were to see me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the ego of the mind

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to present a deceptive presentation of myself as the ego of the mind, through presenting myself as being superior, so other may think and believe that I am the man, that I am strong and that I do not fear.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the ego of the mind because it was the only way I knew how to stand and become a man, to show to everyone else in my world that I am the strong and independent man.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that only the ego of the mind will seek revenge, will seek fights, will seek conflict to reassert and generate and compound itself within me as me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that participation in the ego and as the ego is addictive

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to copy the ego manifestation from my father, because I saw my father as the example of me, whom I idolized and I wanted to be just like him – thus – I became the ego to become my father so he may be proud of me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the ego of the mind, to use the ego of the mind as a defense and protection of myself through becoming the presentation of superiority so that no one may think that they have the ability to fuck with ME.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to experience a sense of pleasure, a sense of satisfaction, a sense of power when accessing in becoming the ego of the mind as me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define the ego of the mind as power

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the ego of the mind to feel powerful, to feel strong and to feel indestructible – to be certain that no-one or nothing can fuck with me in any way.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I am not the ego of the mind

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I need the ego of the mind to protect myself, to defend myself and to protect and defend others

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the ego of the mind enjoys conflict, fighting and arguments and thus will always attempt/try to get involved within such situations – to step forth and say: Here I am, this is the ego – come try and fuck with me and I’ll show you who I am.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I need the ego of the mind to be strong

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself accept and believe that I need the ego of the mind to be powerful

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to actually think and believe that by coming the ego of the mind, presenting the deception to others of me being superior will actually protect me in defense

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I have accepted and allowed myself to become, be and participate as the ego of the mind within the experience of myself in this world

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the ego of the mind always desires, wants and needs fighting, conflict and arguments to generate itself within me as me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the ego of the mind is generated through anger, frustration and hatred and will seek and search and get involved in situations / scenarios to instigate anger, frustration and hatred within me to generate itself with.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that ego is the echo of the mind – the ‘lost’ ‘part’ of me I have separated myself from – becoming the demon within me existing off the generation and instigation of anger, frustration and hatred

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the ego of the mind is the representation of the demon within me – the ‘part’ of me that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from because I could not imagine such a ‘thing’ to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to split me from myself within me – manifesting the demon as the ego of the mind.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that inferiority is actually: In fear and horror – in fear and horror of facing myself, in fear and horror of myself – in fear and horror of the demon I have accepted and allowed myself to become as the ego of the mind

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to use the ego of the mind to manipulate situations to have it be: My way

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that when the ‘ego is bruised’ – the ego will feel ‘pumped’ and ‘wired’ to go back to the situation that caused the ego bruising to once again assert itself, re-generate itself to say: I am here look at me, look at what I can do

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that only the ego will want to fight and set the record straight through conflicts and arguments

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I have manifested and designed this ego within me as me because I haven’t accepted myself within and as oneness and equality as who I am

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I am responsible for my own actions and words in any given moment

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to cover up and hide my inferiority (fear and horror for myself) and uncertainty with ego as superiority

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to want, need and desire to be stronger and more powerful than others to sort out and give direction to situations – and in this want, need and desire I have manifested the ego of the mind because I believed myself as who I am to be too weak

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear weakness

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that weakness exist

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to play the polarity friction game of the mind by becoming superiority and hiding inferiority and uncertainty within me as me

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the ego of the mind exist of suppressed anger within me – which has manifested as the ego of the mind – the demon that has become me

I forgive myself that I have allowed my suppressed anger to manifest as the ego of the mind – to exert out and express out on other human beings, situations and scenarios separate from me – instead of me applying self forgiveness for releasing the anger within me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I search and seek other human beings, situations and scenarios within which to exert this suppressed anger within me separate from my by becoming the ego of the mind

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I will instigate situations and scenarios deliberately to exert the suppressed anger within me out on others separate from me – by becoming the ego of the mind

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I use the ego of the mind to get attention from other human beings – to be noticed by other human beings in any and all means possible – because I haven’t accepted myself as who I am

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to use the ego of the mind in justifying actions, acts, reactions and responses to certain specific human beings, situations and scenarios – to be acceptable and okay as a cause and reason for wanting, desiring and needing to do what is apparently necessary to be done.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to use justifications, reasons and excuses to become and act and respond and react to certain specific scenarios, situations and other human beings – from within and as the ego of the mind – to fuel and compound the hunger to experience the sense of power, importance and control

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to use the ego of the mind, in becoming this to attempt and try to control a certain specific situation/even t/circumstance.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I derive power from the ego of the mind to have control of a situation – to have it go ‘my way’

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that in becoming the ego of the mind – I am ‘one of the guys’

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that in becoming the ego of the mind – I will attract woman

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the ego of the mind – to ‘fit in’ with society of men – because to be a man – you must have an ego

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to establish myself as the ego of the mind within and of this world – because I believed and thought – that for a man to be a man in this world – especially to survive – the man need an ego to protect himself with

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I’m too shit scared of self intimacy and being intimate with another – that I become the ego of the mind – to not experience myself in any way whatsoever – but to be a man – a man defined within and of this world – the unified consciousness field

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to use the ego of the mind to ensure that no-one and nothing can hurt me in any way whatsoever – not emotionally or even to feel in any way whatsoever

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that having an ego is being strong and powerful – a man

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that when I am the ego of the mind – I have control and power over, within and of my world and everyone and everything in it – and nothing can or may influence or change anything without my permission as the ego of the mind

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the ego of the mind through fear of spinning out of control and not knowing what to do

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the ego of the mind – because the ego of the mind apparently always knows what to do

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear being without the ego of the mind – through fear of losing me and being labeled as a wimp or chicken shit if I do not act, react, respond within and as the ego of the mind

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that if I am not the ego of the mind – I am inferior, chicken shit, a wimp, a loser, a nothing, a nerd

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that superiority cannot exist without inferiority – to stop the ego – I must realise that both polarities of the mind as inferiority and superiority are illusionary manifestations of the mind – I have defined as who I am

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to just want to be ‘one of the guys’

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the ego of the mind to be accepted and noticed by others and woman because I haven’t accepted myself as who I am as the breath of life

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that impatience is the trait of the ego of the mind – because the ego of the mind wants it and it wants it now

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that woman like and want a man with an ego – a massive ego – who is presenting a deceptive presentation of superiority – oozing confidence and certainty

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the ego of the mind to attract woman for sexual pleasure

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define the ego of the mind as confidence – because I haven’t accepted confidence as me as who I am

The Quantum Mind and The Number of God

By Bernard Poolman
20 April 2010


Okay we’re discussing ‘Quantum Mind’ and the ‘System’ that was ‘Designed’ to Manage the ‘Interaction’ between the ‘Mind’ and the ‘Physical’, that manage the ‘Relationships’ between the ‘Physical’ and the ‘Mind’, you’ll ‘Notice’ an interesting-thing is that what you…

When you are ‘Born’ in-‘essence’ you are Unable to ‘Speak’ any language, you’re Unable to ‘Think’, and you are Unable to ‘Move the Physical Body’ –if you look at an ‘Animal’ within 24 hours the Animal will walk by itself, eat by itself, everything the Human is ‘Unable’ to do that, but the Animal is ‘Able’ to ‘do’-that.

That doesn’t mean that the ‘Human’ were ‘Always’ ‘Unable’, or were ‘Always’ that ‘weak’, it only means there is something else at ‘work’-here in ‘How’ the Human ‘Develop’ –and, in that, what ‘plays a role’ within-that is your ‘Structural Resonance Alignment’, your ‘Structural Resonance’ itself, what they have now found ‘Exist’, but they call-it ‘Epigenetics’, the ‘way’ things are ‘Transferred’ from Parent to Child, which is Not ‘only’ the DNA, it’s also ‘something-else’ –they’re at this stage only aware of its ‘existence’, they don’t know ‘how’-it exactly ‘work’ yet.

So, in the ‘Process’ years ago, we found a interesting thing.

‘Interdimensionally’ around the World, Every ‘Human Being’ was ‘plugged’-into ‘Gigantic Casinos’ –your whole-life was ‘Managed’ by a ‘Program’ just like in the Casino, and you were ‘basically’ just one of the ‘Pictures’ that is on a ‘Reel’ that ‘spins’ in the Casino, ‘seeking’ for your ‘Happiness’ – your ‘Pursuit of Happiness’ which is your ‘God’ which is the ‘Number 7’ –and it is ‘why’ the ‘Number 7’ plays a major-role in a ‘Casino’ and is normally linked-to ‘Jackpot’, and ‘Jackpot’ is normally linked-to your ‘Happiness’.

Now, obviously ‘As Above, So Below’ –‘As In, As Out’ –‘Similar’-type ‘Casino’-like ‘Structures’ were ‘Existent’ within the Physical Body, ‘regulating’ and ‘working’-with the Relationship between the ‘Physical’ and the ‘Mind’, which then would ‘Create’ a ‘Resonant’-‘Symbol’ which is similar to these ‘Symbols’ that is in the ‘Casinos’ –and, in ‘Creating’-these ‘Symbols’ you will be ‘Creating’ Your ‘Effectiveness’ in the ‘Matrix’ and in the World, and as you get more and more ‘Effective’, you will ‘Align’ the ‘Symbols’ similarly to a ‘Casino’-Machine –a one armed bandit – and until you have ‘Educated’-yourself according-to your ‘Effectiveness in the System’ to the ‘point’ where you can with a single ‘spin’ of your ‘Mind’, respond ‘Immediately’ with a ‘Jackpot’ –and therefore then you become apparently ‘Highly-Intelligent’ and very ‘Effective’ in your way in the World, and according-to ‘that’ ‘Effectiveness’, you now have ‘More Authority’ in the World –and is seen as a either a ‘Philosopher’ or ‘Philanthropist’ or a ‘Major-Player’ in one of the ‘Industries’ in the World ‘purely’ because: Your ‘Casino’ has been ‘Designed’ that way ‘inside’-you.

So, ‘Constantly’ as you are ‘Interacting’ with your ‘Environment’, the ‘Environment’ ‘Impulse’ the ‘Symbiology’ –the ‘Resonances’ within-you –that then ‘spins’ and ‘present’ to you in your ‘Mind’ a ‘Thought’ – You are Not ‘Thinking the Thought’, the ‘Thought’ is coming-from your ‘Pre-Programming’ which is a ‘Resonant-Design’ like a ‘Casino-System’ that ‘spins’ and look for the most ‘appropriate answer’, similar to Google when you put-in a ‘word’ and you ‘search’ and it brings-up all the ‘possible answers’ –exactly the same-way is How your ‘Resonance’ ‘Operate’.

So in-that ‘Resonance’ obviously you cannot even ‘remember’ ‘How’ You ‘Created-it’ –which is a major-‘problem’. So if you’ve ‘Allowed’ some of the ‘Resonances’ to become ‘Dysfunctional’ –that means: with ‘Secret Reasons’ for its existent ‘Existence’ for… and you are ‘hiding’ some ‘parts’ of your ‘Resonant-Design’ that only ‘comes-out’ in very specific ‘Environments’ – for instance you have a ‘Sexual Addiction’ that’ll only come-out at night after you had a few drinks, and you go to the local Prostitute ‘place’ –I mean, that is a ‘Resonant-Design’ which will ‘trigger’ according-to You going out with your ‘friends’, having a few ‘drinks’, keeping it all ‘secret’ from your wife, then go and have ‘Sex’ with a Prostitute, and then go home as if ‘nothing happened’ –because you have ‘Programmed’-yourself to ‘in-fact’ be able to ‘do’-that, but your ‘Design’ would be dependent-on ‘Environmental-Issues’ so, you will therefore ‘seek-out’ your ‘Entertainment’ as well to ‘place-yourself’ in an ‘Environment’ that will ‘apparently’ take-away ‘Your Choice’ –because you just can’t ‘Help’-yourself and you will go and ‘Embrace’ your ‘Sexual Experiences’ with the Prostitute based-on your ‘Design’ –that will normally be, have been ‘Programmed’ during your teenage years using Porn and Masturbation, where you’ve used the ‘Imagination’ –you’ll find in your ‘Masturbation’ you have ‘Repeated’ the same ‘Images’ over and over and over again, until the ‘Image’ becomes a ‘Resonant-Symbol’ that ‘Interacts’ ‘within’-you that becomes ‘part’-of your ‘Response to Environment’.

Therefore as long as you are Not in an ‘Environment’ that will ‘Activate’ the particular ‘one-armed bandit’ that’s going to ‘Produce’ for you the situation to have ‘Sex with a Prostitute’ = You’re quite ‘fine’ –the moment you ‘Enter the Environment’ – specific colors of ‘light’, specific types-of ‘darkness’, types-of ‘music’, types-of ‘people’, types-of ‘discussion’/’vocabulary’, your ‘Resonant’-‘Casino’ inside-you ‘spins’ to Produce to you ‘The Jackpot’ –which will be in this case ‘Sex with your Prostitute’ so that your Particular ‘Addiction’ can be ‘Completed’.

The ‘Problem’ is that the ‘Addiction’ is ‘Beyond Cure’, because you have ‘Designed’-Yourself ‘as’ this in a Permanent-‘Condition’ –the only ‘point’ that’ll probably ‘Cure’-you is a point of great ‘trauma’ like a ‘Disease’ or, you’re ‘married’, you ‘get-caught’ and you ‘lose your children’ and your marriage –something very ‘traumatic’ is the only ‘Cure’ then, is very seldom that one will be able to be ‘Cured’ from-it, anyone telling-you that they’ve ‘Cured’, they’ve ‘Stopped’… and they ‘still’ go-out ‘alone’ to with their ‘friends’ = they are definitely ‘Lying’, there is No way they can ‘Stop’ their behavior –once they’ve had a few drinks = They will ‘do-it’ again –anyway.

So, all of this what we’re talking about is the ‘Quantum Mind’ because this is happening ‘Immediately’, it is a ‘Quantum Occurrence’, there is No-‘Time’ as you understand-it ‘involved’ in-it.

The Moment you walk into a ‘room’ you have an ‘Immediate Impression’ of ‘All’-potentials that you, that is within the ‘context’ of your ‘Programmed Design’ ‘within’ the room, and you Immediately ‘Form an Opinion’ –the ‘Opinion’ that You are ‘Forming’ is your ‘Resonance’ that is ‘Impressing’ on-you your ‘Past Experiences’ and it gives-you a ‘Energetic’ ‘Signature-Presence’ to give you an ‘Impression’, and from the ‘Impression’ you will now be ‘Presented’-with ‘Thoughts’ by the ‘Resonance’ in terms-of ‘What you ‘Think’ about-it‘– you’ll either say: ‘Oh I like it’ or ‘I don’t like it’. All of-it Actually ‘Totally’ ‘Pre-Designed’.

And this is ‘Pre-Designed’ during the ages of your ‘Early’-Education. The ‘First’ ‘Seven-Years’ of your Education is your ‘Basic’ ‘Resonant-Design’ of your Interactions with ‘Environment’ and ‘People’ –and ‘Everyone’ and ‘Everything’ that ‘happens’ in your First ‘Seven-Years’, ‘form’ your ‘Interactive Ability’ with your ‘Environment’ and will have a major-‘effect’ on ‘How’ you will ‘Live your Life’.

Your ‘Next’ ‘Seven-years’ are very much ‘part’-of the ‘stage’ in-which you are ‘Learning ‘How’-to ‘Construct’-things’ –it’s a very much your ‘Relationship-Construction’ and your ‘Interaction’ with ‘stuff’/’things’ in the World, then goes into ‘You’ moving-it around, so it’s You Learning ‘How’-to ‘Direct’ and ‘make things’ in this ‘Reality’ depending-on what is in your ‘Environment’ there, you’ll be more ‘Physically’ Able to ‘do’-things, or more ‘Mentally’ able to ‘do’-things or you’ll be more ‘prone’ to be ‘Entertained by TV’ –all kinds-of things, it all depends on the ‘Input’ of your ‘Design’.

And then your ‘Third’ ‘Seven-Years’ going up to 21, is where your ‘Social-Skills’ will ‘develop’ and in-which you will ‘develop’ your ‘Basic Principle’ of ‘Win’ and ‘Lose’ within the ‘Casino-Game’ which is based-on your ‘Emotional-Skill’ where you’ll ‘Learn’ to ‘Win’, so that you can have the ‘Feeling’of: ‘Happiness’ –and therefore you will in your ‘Social-Skills’ develop the ‘ways’ to ‘Manipulate-others’ to Get-‘Energy’ from-them and you are ‘Always’ in a Relationship with another to Gain ‘Energy’ ,you are always ‘Choosing Words’ according-to what your ‘Resonance’ are ‘Presenting’ to you, so that you can ‘Hit the Jackpot’ with the ‘Answer’ you are giving because ‘You’re so fucking ‘clever’’ –and because of-‘that’, you’ll always end-up with ‘Gaining some ‘Energy’’ –and it is a ‘tacitly’ ‘Agreed’-point between ‘All Participants’, is that the ‘Winner’ Gets-‘Energy’ from the ‘Loser’ –it’s always like that –and the ‘Loser’ will keep-on ‘playing’ with somebody-else and try and get the ‘Energy’-back and so the ‘Energy’ ‘Circulates’ very similarly ‘after’ 21, that ‘Energy’ takes-on ‘another’ ‘Manifested Form’ as ‘Money’, then you start to ‘Prepare Yourself’ to ‘Play the ‘Same-Game’’ which is a ‘Social-Game’ in your ‘Business Realities’ –I mean the whole-‘point’ is that: All you ‘Understand’ according-to your ‘Design’ from ‘Birth’, on to 21 is that ‘the World ‘works’ this ‘way’’ –and if you don’t ‘Play the game’ = You’re going to ‘Lose’, and you do Not want-to ‘Lose’ because, if you ‘Lose’ = it doesn’t ‘Feel Good’ because that’s How you’ve ‘Programmed’-Yourself.

Okay, so –what is ‘more’ Fascinating about-it is that, at ‘all-times’, you will ‘Notice’ when you are ‘Thinking’ that means ‘Thoughts’ are being ‘Presented’ to you ‘by the Resonances’ –You ‘Calculate’ the ‘Risk’ of which one you’re going-to ‘Accept’ and which one ‘Not’. So you’re ‘Calculating’ the Possibility of ‘Winning’ or ‘Losing’ by the ‘Presented-Thought’ in ‘Relationship’-to your ‘Environment’ –if you find it’s Not ‘Effective’ Enough’ = You ‘Change’ the ‘Information’, ‘Change’-You accordingly, ‘Re-Insert’ the ‘Correction’ to your ‘Resonances’ and aut... ‘Your Resonance’ is the ‘Automated’-‘You’ and now you become ‘More-Effective’ in the ‘Same-Environment’.

The ‘Principle’ though ‘being’ that You at ‘all-times’ are ‘Calculating the Risk’ of your ‘Assessment’ that was ‘Presented’ by your ‘Resonance’.

What is ‘more’-interesting is that within-‘that’ we have ‘Designed’ ‘Machines’ –‘Machines’ that do exactly the same, it ‘Calculate the Risk’ according-to ‘Feedback Information’ in terms-of ‘What Cycle’ for instance, to ‘Use’ when it’s ‘running’. You’ll for instance have washing machines that ‘run’/’operate’ accordingly – you can according-to ‘weight’ and ‘heat’ and all kinds-of things ‘Set’-it to Make a Decision: ‘Which is the ‘Best-Program’ to ‘Run’’ –No-‘Different’ to the ‘Mind’, No-‘Different’ to the ‘Human’, the ‘Machine’ is simply ‘an Extension of the Human’, it is ‘in-Fact’ the ‘Human’ in ‘Operation’ in an ‘External-form’ –the same with your ‘Television Systems’ –is the same-‘way’ your Imagination ‘Operates’ within-you in terms-of ‘Producing’ to-you something to ‘Entertain’-you where you have ‘Freedom of Expression’ and You can decide ‘Who’-plays ‘What’-role within your ‘Imagination’ and ‘Who ‘You’ Are’ –and normally what happens in your Imagination? You ‘Always Wins’, I mean you ‘Always’-‘Win’ –and therefore, you’ve ‘Created’ the ‘same’-thing in ‘Hollywood’ and related-industries which is your Imagination ‘at-play’, but a ‘Physical-Manifestation’ of-it.

Obviously, because it ‘seems’ to-be ‘Free’ and that you can do ‘whatever you want’ in your Imagination, it’s seen as a ‘very important part’ and it ‘forms’ one of the ‘Foundation-Stones’ of the ‘Law of Attraction’: ‘Whatever you can ‘Think’ and ‘Imagine’, You can ‘Become’’ –I mean ‘Think’ and ‘Grow Rich’, what happens there? You are in that ‘Imagination’ ‘Re-Programming’ Your ‘Structural Resonance Design’ to ‘Win’ more often –and therefore you ‘seek-out’ the ‘weaknesses’ in all of those around-you and you ‘Program’-you to ‘Control’-them and ‘Manipulate’-them at ‘all-times’ and therefore will ‘seek’-out your ‘Friends’, your ‘Wife’, every ‘Business Partner’ according-to ‘Your Potential’ to ‘Win’ – and ‘those’ that are then in ‘Agreement’ with-you, because everybody ‘Agrees’ to take ‘part’ within this ‘Energetic-Exchange’ will have ‘their-ways’ of again like in a ‘Pyramid’, have ‘another’-group from-which they can ‘Siphon’-off ‘Energy’ so that they can have this ‘Mental-Imaginative ‘Experience’’ of ‘Apparent-Power’ and ‘Freedom’.

Now, fascinating is one can for instance look-at ‘Poker’, in ‘Poker’ have a ‘look’: You ‘Calculate’ the ‘odds’ according-to the cards ‘you-have’ and the cards that’s ‘on the table’. That’s exactly when you are busy discussing a ‘Business Agreement’ –you have ‘Your Cards’ – that means ‘what you know about what you want to ‘achieve’ in the Agreement’ –the other people is got ‘Their-Cards’ and then there’s the ‘Cards on the Table’, and within-that you will ‘Calculate your ‘Risk’ and everyone will ‘Calculate ‘Each-Others’ Risks’ and see ‘Who’s gonna fall ‘where’’, ‘Who is gonna be the Best-‘Bluffer’, ‘Who’ is gonna ‘Bluff the Best’ –the one that ‘Bluffs the Best’ =will get the ‘Agreement’ to be More ‘Beneficial’ for them and Everybody-else will ‘Agree’ because that’s the ‘Rules of Engagement’ –that’s ‘The Way the World ‘Works’’! –I mean, that ‘Bluffing’ ‘happens’ and Everybody knows there was ‘Deceptions’ but: ‘Everybody does it’ so Nobody ‘moans’ about-it, nobody ‘complains’ because ‘This is the Way the World ‘Works’’, it’s all a Fucking Lie!

What is Not a ‘Lie’ is that you’re Actually ‘Doing’-this. What is Not a ‘Lie’ that you are ‘Really-Here’ – What is a ‘Lie’ is the ‘Social-System’, the ‘Economic-System’, the ‘Interaction-System’, the ‘way’ one ‘Communicate’, the way one ‘Think’ –all of-that is ‘based’ on ‘Deception’ , on a ‘Lie’ which means: it makes you ‘Lie’ ‘all the time’ –if you look-at the Research, your on ‘Average’ Person ‘Lie’ three-times every ten-minutes, the Research is ‘Clear’ –you can go and ‘check’ –so don’t come and tell-me you don’t ‘do-it’, it’s ‘Everyone’ that’s ‘doing-it’, Everybody Lies!

Now what is ‘fascinating’ is we have ‘Re-arranged’ the ‘Inter-connectiveness’ of the ‘Mind’, yes now ‘two ways’ that this all ‘work’ – ‘Neuro-Linguistic Programming’ ‘Only’-works as a ‘Methodology’ within the ‘Lying-Construct’ –because, it ‘Cross-Reference’ Left and Right Brain with the ‘Physical’ – that is a ‘Mind Imprint’ on the ‘Physical’= it’s Not How it ‘Really Works’ – So you must look-at what Desteni say about ‘Eye Movement’.

The ‘Eye Movement’ once you are ‘Corrected’ ‘In the Physical’, is the ‘Reverse’ of what has been ‘Accepted’ – I mean we did this ‘years’-ago, we didn’t ‘say’ anything because: let’s see who can ‘get’ this point, ‘who’ Actually in any way has Any ‘Resolve’ to Become ‘Self-Honest’- or is everybody just ‘trying’-to ‘Play’ their ‘Mind-Games’ to ‘Win’. You all have a ‘Secret-Agenda’, the ‘Secret Mind’ is the ‘Secret Reason’ ‘Why’ you ‘do’-things, Why you will ‘Present’ things to the ‘World’, but you won’t Really ‘Stand up’.

That’s why ‘Writing’ is so ‘Important’ because in ‘Writing’, you ‘Reveal’ and State for sure that you are ‘Standing for Self-Honesty’ –if you are Not-‘Writing’, what do we All ‘Know’? And we’re now telling you: You are Fucking-‘Lying’ –your ‘Inability to Write’ is because you have a ‘Secret Agenda’, you are trying to Play a ‘Casino-Game’ – We Know you are ‘doing-it’, you’re going to ‘Lose’ because we’re Not ‘Playing the Game’.

So please understand: the ‘Tools’ are ‘Very-Specific’ to make-sure one can ‘trap’ the ‘Deceivers’ and the ‘Liars’ and ‘those’ that had ‘enough’ of this Game can ‘Stop’ and ‘Show’ to Everyone, they have ‘Stopped’ and ‘Take Control’ of the situation and No-longer ‘Play the Game’ –because otherwise, what are you doing? You are ‘Participating’ ‘only’ from the Perspective ‘to Get the Best Odds for Yourself’! You’re ‘Casting the Lot’, even ‘the Bible’ says: ‘Do Not ‘Cast the Lot’’ – but Every ‘Human-Being’ with Every-single ‘Thought’ you are having, are ‘Casting the Lot’, you are making a ‘Risk’-Assessment of your ‘Interaction’ within your ‘Environment’, within the ‘context’-of ‘What your ‘odds’ are to ‘Win’ in the situation’ or whether ‘you will Lose’ –and according-to that: You will ‘Act’, you Never ‘Act’ for any other reason but whether you will ‘Win’ or ‘Lose’.

The ‘Problem’ comes-in where you have ‘Accepted’ a ‘Belief-System’ as ‘True’ like ‘Christianity’ –then your ‘Casino’ is set-up like ‘Christianity’, and therefore you will Only ‘Interact’ with people that is ‘Playing the ‘Same-Game’ as you’ and therefore you will try-to ‘Always-Win’ within Your-‘Casino’, because you’re trying to ‘Own’ the bloody-thing by prescribing the ‘Rules’ of ‘How’-it ‘works’ within ‘Your-Reality’ –

The Only-way to ‘Solve this Problem’ is if there is Only ‘One Reality’ for Everyone and No-bloody ‘Casino’ where people try and ‘Win’ for themselves.

Please: If you are Not ‘Standing’ for ‘Equality’ for ‘All’ ‘Absolutely’, = You are Still ‘busy’ with the ‘Casino-Game’, you are ‘Still’ playing ‘Energy-Games’, you still haven’t got the Message in-spite of ‘How’ many people that is written about-it.

I mean, you go back to the ‘Celestian Prophecy’ talked about this ‘Energy-Games’ –what ‘happened’ from it? The whole bloody ‘New-Age Movement’ built a fucking ‘Business’ around-it, they created a ‘New-Casino’ – I mean: ‘Channels’, ‘Energy’, ‘Light’, it is a ‘show’ that Hollywood couldn’t have ‘thought-up’. And what… they become more ‘Participants’ ‘within’ the Actual ‘Imaginary-Design’ within themselves –it take a lot of ‘Meditation’ to get so ‘Mind-Fucked’ I mean, Really ‘Dedication’ –why do I say that? That is a ‘Real Dedicated’ ‘Process’ of ‘Programming’-Oneself to the stage where you become that ‘Entity’ that speak the ‘bullshit’ that it does.

If you start doing Actual ‘Research’ on ‘What- is the ‘Physical Implication’ of ‘Life’ and ‘Death’ and ‘How’ Everything-‘Functions’ = You would Not ‘waste your time’ on the Bullshit that is ‘just another Game’ for ‘Control’, ‘Power’ and ‘Money’ –

This is ‘Why’ we have Introduced ‘Equal Money’ because ‘Equal Money’ ‘Stop’ the ‘Reason’ for Anyone to ‘Play the Casino’ – so if you have a Problem with ‘Equal Money’ you know ‘why’, is because You ‘Believe’ You have ‘Control’ in ‘Your-Casino’, you know How-to play ‘Your-Game’, and you’re gonna have ‘all’ the ‘Number 7’s’ for You, You’ve got the ‘Jackpot’ – ‘Fuck-off! It was ‘My-Jackpot’’ – You are ‘Possessed’ by what you ‘Believe’ is ‘right’, without ‘Understanding’ How-it Actually ‘work’ –that is a ‘Serious’-Condition – No ‘Pill’ will ever ‘Help’-you –

You’re going to have to ‘Destroy the Pillars of your Temple’, because you’ve Lost your ‘Connection’ to ‘Life’ and have become ‘Purely’ an ‘Energetic’ ‘Existence’ –that is Not-‘Life’.

Now, understand that the Total-Existence as it now ‘Exist’ within ‘Machine’ a motor car, ‘Aeroplane’ and all kinds-of things, are ‘Representations’ of ‘Belief-Systems’ within the ‘Casino-Game’. The ‘Car’ Represents ‘The Soul’ – the ‘Aeroplanes’ and ‘Trains’ represents ‘Group-Souls’ – your associations where People ‘come-together’ and Discuss things of similar-‘interest’ are ‘Group-Souls’ –it’s all a ‘Physical Manifested’ thing, it’s all just ‘Vehicles’ –just like the ‘Soul’ and the ‘After-Life’, it’s just a ‘Vehicle’, it’s an ‘Energetic-Vehicle’, it doesn’t ‘last forever’, please! You are ‘As Above, So Below’ –whatever you ‘Believe’ = You have ‘Created’ in this World through your Participation, you have Created-it within the whole ‘Game’ of the ‘Casino’ so that You can ‘Win’ – you have ‘Always’ given-yourself the ‘Best-Odds’, you Never tell the Truth, you can Never Trust a ‘Human Being’ that Participate in the ‘World Casino-System’.

We have ‘Removed’ this ‘Casino-System’, all that now ‘remains’ is the ‘Way’ you ‘Participate’ in-it, the Actual ‘System’ that ‘Enforced’ this ‘Impulsing’ has been ‘Removed’ –what ‘Remains’ is ‘How’ you’re ‘Living-it’.

So ‘Hear’ what we are doing at Desteni: We are ‘Removing’ the ‘Pre-Programming’ but YOU have to do your ‘Own-Process’ of ‘Self-Honesty’, YOU have to Stop Your-‘Participation’ within the ‘Games’ you play and How you ‘Abuse’ this ‘World’ and ‘Each-Other’. There will be ‘No-Excuse’ because: There is ‘No-Systems’ –we are busy taking them ‘all’-out, ‘Physically’ – it’s not as ‘quick’ as in ‘Heaven’, ‘Heaven’ had ‘Quantum-Time’ –‘Here’ on Earth it works by ‘Time’, we have to take the thing-out ‘Physically’, at a ‘Universal Mind’ or ‘Unified Field Level’ at the ‘Universal Mind Level’/ ‘Unconscious Mind’, that which is the ‘Management System’ of the ‘World’ as it ‘Reflects’ the ‘World’ and ‘Yourself’ in Each-Other- that’s why ‘All’ within a ‘Limited’-‘System’ of ‘Senses’ are able to ‘See’ the ‘Same-thing’: You are ‘plugged’-into the Same-fucking ‘Program’! You have only a few-‘senses’, very-‘Limited’ ‘Frequency-Ranges’ and you ‘see’ and can understand Each-Other, because you are in the ‘Same-System’ I mean, Common-Sense!

I mean ‘How’ simple can it be? And have a ‘look’: Nobody even consider the ‘points’ that’s right in-front of you.

So, ‘Quantum-Mind’ –it is ‘Important’ to ‘Consider’ that: You have been ‘Deliberately Deceived’ into Deceiving Yourself and Each-Other – it is ‘Time’ to ‘Stop’ –

If You do Not ‘Stop’ = ‘the Game’ will continue, and in the ‘End’, like in any ‘Casino’: You ‘Always’-‘Lose’, ‘the Game’ Always-‘Win’ –if you’re playing long-enough in a ‘Casino’= You ‘Always’ end-up ‘Losing’.

http://desteni.co.za/a/interviews-from-the-farm-86-the-quantum-mind-and-the-number-of-god