‘seeing things but not acting uppon them’
My basic programming
Yes that’s what I do. From the first time I decided to skip a class in school till the last time I called in sick while this was not the case. I’m evil, I’m a preacher. Ones I started reading ‘books of old wisdom’ I thought some kind of veil was lifted. Making me holier than the pope. This whole 'veil' was off coarse part of the 'white light construct'. It made me belief I knew more than other people. It made me feel better, superior. So that moved me in a certain parking spot next to other 'lightworkers' or people who shared my insights. The ‘nobody understands us because we are the 'enlightend’ (fuckups) or something.
The Saboteurs
Guru’s, chakra systems, purifications, mantra, wisdom, ‘logic’, reincarnation, sferes, higher states-beings, planes of existence. It’s very easy to get fooled and completely loose it. And there are a lot of similarities with reading the Desteni material at first clance. That's the genius isn't it. It's right in front of everybody but nobody 'sees'. Anyway, that was my snug corner to program myself into the great fuckup for the years to come. Evolution, Evol-ution, Evilution.
Climpses of self-expression
One of the first concepts I saw for myself when I was about 19 years old was that of ‘energy’. I was watching the full moon pass trough my little bedroom window. Very slowly from left to right and somehow some switches where flipped. Something like, image-moonlight-fotons-energy-distance-time-observing-observer-thought-electricity-magnetism-field-resonance-influence-manifestation etc.. I was reading a lot of Vedic scriptures at the time and stephen hawking just got famous. I was also very intrigued by quantum mechanics although I only understood on an ‘intuitive’ level what was going on. One scientist I think it was Niels Bohr gave an example why quantum mechanics where so hard to understand for the ‘normal man’ in the street. It went something like:
“if 'the instrument' whe use to gather data that's more 'subtile' than
'the instrument', that instrument is not going to give you any data”.
This sentence has been with me ever since. I now realize my mind has been that system all along. I am such systems, a lot of them in fact.
So my next thought was ok, a thought is more subtle than my 12 volt battery. Common sense I suppose. Thoughts trigger neurons which is measurable as electricity. The thought itself is not. What substance is the thought made of? Plus, when energy is created there is always magnetism. You cant see it and you cant smell it but I knew it was influencing everything. Fascinating stuff when you just started Art school.
Walking into the fuck-up
I was shocked, inspired, curious and about 19 years old. Tons of questions and luckily Art school gave me the change to invest a rather large amount of time into the matter. Art teachers love curiousity so they feeded me like a hungry pig. I got completely lost in producing thoughts, stuff, art, objects. There where way to many pieces missing from my puzzle to see even a glimpse of the bigger picture. I was absolutely sure about reincarnation and the fact that what I experienced as reality was a manifested thing, a construct, something, everything but not all! I also was a weed smoking all over the place hormone bomb with an obsession for women, beauty and sex. No-bel price for my insights.
Thé Fuck-up of Spirituality
So by now my ‘spiritual’ quest for knowledge became/could be described as ‘recreational’. That’s what it became when I hit the next veil. "So there is more but it's so much my brain will never be able to understand and I don't have the patience to meditate yet". That was enough polarity to keep me dialed and occupied for more than 20 years. Imagine what would have happend if Desteni would have presented itself at that moment...
The greates shock I ever felt
So my really big questions started to accumulate but where completely surpressed. I remember the moment I came in contact with the Desteni material. I kind of got really intimidated, frightened and shocked. It was like this scene from 'Inception' where the whole world around you starts to collaps and fall apart and you are left with yourself as what you have created. I created a monster it was so clear to me. The more collapsed the more monster became vissible. It was my greatest night of horror ever.
The biggest present I ever got
It ‘ALL’ made sense. Mainly because I was missing all information regarding the inner workings of what I perceived as ‘reality’. Especially the part where Winged is speaking about the universe in Expression-flow versus polarity and more vibration. I can't find the specific videopassage but in essence it's about vibration that compounds and materializes. It’s like a fluid that changes viscosity. I knew about soundvibration. The higher the vibration the more get’s manifested. Because of this more space is needed so the universe expands to create space.
Creating gravity...
More thoughts, more polarity, more manifestation, gravity, more chaos and inequality. But how does this work? I mean where becomes a thought a physical manifestation? Or is that thought all ready a physical manifestation? I was probably not allowed to see how this was constructed until I literally saw it happening in front of my eyes. It's me. It's the creation of me. It's all inside. I am the manifestation of all. I manifest so I create.
The genesis of invissability
Fluid behaving like matter the way matter behaves like a fluid, because it’s in a field! Create an invissible field and let it create creation and let creation try to define god which it can't because it is. - Genesis-Ge-ni-us - This was my eureka moment while reading the Desteni material. It was the confirmatiom/discovery my 'mind' as 'a man' as an ego needed. It was also the most depressing discovery ever because of the true ‘nature’ behind it all. Very shocking in every sence and minute that followed up to these words that I’m writing.
Insight to Faceplant
I just fell again and I’m in a ‘time loop’ where I’m mainly confronted with some very persistent points. Discipline-addictions-physical action-fear-guild-shame-ignorance-hiding and the list goes on and on. I read this Joe Kou post on the forum about his agreement. I found it to be very confronting. Maybe I felt jealous because he is doing what I should do. Push trough and bring it on immediately. It’s really fascinating to read that post for me because I had a physical reaction reading it. Very confronting seeing the same points addressed so clearly and knowing I myself am not there yet. I’m still fucking myself big time. In this observation I know I'm not self honest and at the same time I accept and allow for this 'state' to remain.
Thank you for sharing Joe.
[manifested magnetism in ferrofluid]
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