Fix You?

As I got out of bed this morning I 'felt' the urge to play music? So I put music on and the first song that was in the play list was ‘Fix You’ by Goldplay. As I was listening to the music I had an emotional response to it. The first four lines stuck in my head. It's specifically these first lines because the rest is all about salvation and seeing the light etc. The first lines fascinate me because they describe an ‘emotional’ state we have all experienced. And as words always do, they contain the answer to why?

The words
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

“When you try your best, but you don't succeed”
How do I know if what I'm doing is the best thing to do or best I can do? What if I’m blind to see what I’m supposed to do? I will ‘fail’ and I will fall again and again. I made a projection about my future and because that didn’t came about I’m disappointed and emotional. Now I’m hurt broken abused, alone, feeling sad for myself because I look at myself as a failure. I’m in self judgement now. I’m not asking myself what went wrong. I’m in that emotional state of ‘not succeeding’ and failing.

“When you get what you want, but not what you need”
The second sentence is kind of the polarity of the first one. Now I am in the future, I have what I want ‘but’  it’s not what’s best for me in the sense that it’s not supporting me within what’s ‘best’ for me. I’m still that selfish bastard, serial killer, or just me that's still not 'enlightent'. I could be rich now and still unhappy or depressed. It’s what I wanted but I’m still here as me as myself. I have not changed the future did.

"When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep"
Trying to make sense of it all. Yes we all know this. The moment we go to bed and everything has to become silent that’s when we hear the noise inside. That noise that never stops. Our mind doing what it does best. Keeping us away from that silence within. That silence where you are here as breath without thoughts or emotions. Just me here. Not for a second. The mind will not allow that. So here I have to get back to the first sentence and correct what I did there, to do what needs to be done. I have to stop the mind in order to get to that point where it's just me. Where I can see myself as how I exist as me as everything that is me and embrace all of that as me.

"Stuck in reverse" 
The why? the answer to why? Because the world is ‘stuck in reverse’, we are in reverse looking at what we have created in and as this world. That what has to be fixed. How can I ever ‘Fix you’=the world if I don't fix myself first. I have to fix myself by stopping the thing that is resposible for the fuckup in the first place. My Mind. Not 'the mind'. My mind! The only one that is responsible for what I create in this world. I have to stop fucking with myself so I can stop fucking with you. So there will be no more fuckups and nothing to be fixed because I'm not creating those effects anymore. Here's to the world that needs fixing.

Fix me first
If I don’t stand for something I will fall for anything so I start by doing my best to not fall for my own mind. Maybe then I might succeed and get what’s best for me thus for you thus what’s best for all.

Let's start fixing ourselves. Which implies taking self-responsibility. Let’s get this done.