Words, nothing but words...

keep it going no matter what.  
Breath in breath out... OK. I was of the grid for quite some time. Stared at this screen for a number of times with an empty page in front of me. Write, just write it down. How do you feel today? What’s happening? How is the process going? Just tell ‘m. Share yourself, it’s all you have to do... Nothing happened accept for this whispering voice in the back of my head that was so soft I totally overheard it. “If you are speechless than don’t speech... There is time, it’s not a bad thing to slow down. Give yourself a break” etc. Ladies and gentlemen welcome to my backchat. The art of screwing not only myself but everyone who’s behind a screen wrestling with the same shit as I am. It’s called resistance. I thought the mirror I was looking into revealed nothing. Well... I wasn’t looking at the total ‘picture’ so I missed a few key details.

I don't exist, I bring into existence

I knew this ‘thing’ was not going to be easy. I knew It would take commitment and I know myself well enough to state that what I have presented to the outside world up till now has in fact nothing to do with myself. It is ‘memory based’. My memory, not ‘me’. So what’s that to you? Yes you, there, reading this. You could be someone I know personally. Maybe you think you know me ‘personally’. Well... You don’t. And if you think you do ask yourself the following questions. What did you think of me before I started writing this blog and has that opinion changed? I’m writing and I’m looking at what I can remember as me. I’m looking from a new perspective. If yours is still the same we obviously have a different view don’t we. Let’s not make this to complicated and say “we both don’t know who I am”.


Where does 'all' begin?

Why in the name do I write about my fears, insecurities, emotions, feelings. Am I mad? Yes I am. For the first time in my life I’m mad enough to stop. I stopped and saw what the fuck I helped to create and it was ‘this world’. I participated in every nasty thought and deed that was out there. I condemned, judged got depressed and highly emotional. I talked, cracked my skull, got older and nothing changed it only got worse. The world got rich and the world got worse. Now what to do when you are 42 and you see that the whole fuckup is about the way money is controlled in this world. You talk to your friends about the fact that you are most disturbed by this insight and that you want to do something. What happens? Nothing happens because ‘we are the world’ (if you are over 35 you know the song). It’s all of us including me, that’s why it’s so hard to chew. So here I am again. Writing, voicing myself because it’s the only thing I can do. We are all in this so everything will remain as all - ‘all the same’ - That’s not change is it? I kind of see that even though I’m a full retard. Here I am voicing myself and starting to forgive myself for my part of ‘the deal’ because nobody can do it for me.

Thanks for reading and please join the discussion on equal money.